Pissed off DH dismisses my name ideas

[Plum02]

Currently pregnant with DC1. My favourite boys name since I was a child was “Sebastian” which he knew before I was even pregnant. He said he hated it - couldn’t give a reason, to the point where it felt like he’d once said that so felt like he had to double down.

I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’ve spent a lot of time researching and coming up with name ideas. It just so happens every name I like DH apparently “hates”. So far I’ve suggested seven names I love:

• Margot - ugly, hates it
• Ophelia - horrible, hates it
• Clementine - awful, hates it
• Octavia - cars name, ridiculous
• Etta - doesn’t even sound like a real name, awful
• Penelope - sounds old fashioned, hates it

A few days ago I came across (and fell in love with) the name Ottilie. It’s unusual but classic, feminine and pretty. I thought it would be uncontroversial! I told him I’d found another name I love and before I even told him what it was he was rolling his eyes like “oh god, here we go”. Before I told him I said “you don’t have to respond straight away when I tell you, just take some time to think about it” - thinking that his automatic reaction seems to be to dismiss the names I suggest but if he thinks about it he might actually like it!

Of course as soon as I said it he said it he said “that is awful, I’m not calling my child otter”. I said “it’s Ottilie, the NN could be Tilly” then he starts telling a story about a pregnant 17 year old called Tilly (he has a public facing job).

He says I’m over-reacting to be annoyed just because he doesn’t like a name but I feel utterly depressed. He brings nothing to the table but it feels like before I even suggest something he’s made his mind up not to like it which feels so disrespectful. I also want to have a name I love, not just settle for something and it feels like I’ve exhausted all those names having gone through thousands to pick out the ones I love.

I feel like most men would be so much more laid back about girl’s names and let their wife take the lead, unless it’s something they truly hate - but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

They do rather. On their own they're all rather nice but compiled into a list they start to look a bit aspirational. I do think your husband is unreasonable.

If you're going for Shakespeare Cordelia, Beatrice, Perdita and Rosalind are nicer than Ophelia.

What about a longer name where she is known as the shortened version, eg Genevieve, known as Jenny, or something like Christobel or Isobel known as Belle. I'm sure there are loads, you need to sit down together with a name book.

The Octavia came out in 1959 and as Skoda’s best-selling model it will likely be around for another 35 years.

There’s a lot on here that dont like your choices OP
For what it’s worth I do…… very much in fact

However that’s irrelevant
The point is your dh dismissing your thoughts out of hand

Dont offer any more up until he’s written a list and so have you.
Dont engage in names as it sounds like its going to be his way or no way

Maybe he’ll offer to give birth as well.

The OP saying they don’t want to name their child after a character from a book/play/whatever so they want Ophelia and the PP saying they like biblical names so they’re much more middle class than those sort who call their kids Levi is making me laugh.

Has anyone considered Hyacinth? Bouquet of course, not bucket!

You need a rule.
Neither one needs to justify why you dislike a name, but it’s instantly ruled out if one of you doesn’t like it.

Then you need a notebook & 3 jars. A love jar, like jar, and definitely not jar. Leave them on the side and add names throughout the pregnancy as you think of them. You can then have an evening going through the jars and having a laugh about it nearer the time, with the view to narrowing it down to 2/3 names. Then finalise once baby arrives.

You started a thread asking:

but how can he truly hate every name I come up with!

Well, you should have your answer now. The names are all a bit niche and many, if not most, posters on this thread do not like them so easy to see why your husband doesn't either.

That said, he needs to offer some suggestions of his own rather than just shoot down yours. Baby ain't gonna name itself.

OP, it’s interesting which comments you’re choosing to engage with.

You don’t want suggestions as to how to approach this with your DH, and you’re ignoring people being helpful…you seem to just want to argue with people who don’t like your name choices. To what end?

Shakespearean names are mainstream names. You don’t have to love Romeo and Juliet to choose the name Juliet. The name Hermione is very strongly associated with Harry Potter and the PP is suggesting choosing it to name DD after the character. There is a pretty clear distinction.

I'm sorry so many people think you're being unreasonable and are focusing on the names and not the situation. It sounds like he's being a bit of a dick. He doesn't have to like any of your choices but if he's going to constantly say no, no, no to what you come up with then he should at least have some idea of names he'd like so that you can both find something that you like. At 33 weeks I can understand that it's becoming more of a stress to you. Is he good at communicating? Can you say to him that this is upsetting you and can we please sit down and talk and can you think about names and come up with some you like? Will that get through to him and stop him being so arseholey about perfectly fine names. He doesn't have to like them. He also doesn't have to be an arse about it.

As for the whole you're trying too hard to be "different"/too middle class/actually not middle class but verging on common. Whatever. We all like what we like. There's nothing wrong with any of your choices. Not everyone's going to like them but so what. Your choices aren't for anyone here to criticise, they're for you and your husband to talk about and so we go back to the first paragraph. Good luck with it and I hope that one of your choices makes it and you'll be holding a little Otillie in your arms in the very near future!

@Plum02 i don’t know what it’s called but I recall someone posting about using a baby name app that both parents log into and it randomly suggests names that you swipe left or right on and then shows you a list of the ones you both liked, a bit like a dating app. Your husband is not being helpful by not offering any suggestions at all but clearly your current approach isn’t working for whatever reason so this may be a good alternative.

I was the previous poster. And it was an example of finding a name that was meaningful, by starting with things that you have in common, rather than an actual suggestion to call the kid Hermione. I think HP is badly written and Hermione is a difficult name to spell in reception class. Bloody hell - you seem…tiresome.

Sorry I agree those aren’t good choices, they’re a bit…influencer-y. I can’t think of a better word but those names won’t age well.

To me those names are when non-posh people try to give their a child a posh name.

Why not listen to his ideas

I taught an, 'Ottilie'. It was often pronounced 'Utterly' and there were a lot of jokes about something being 'ottilie awful' etc.

I think you need to go with the App suggestion. You can't be getting frustrated about this . It's clear that you have a quite specific taste on names that your DH doesn't share. You need to find a compromise and I suspect DH needs to think about what sort of names he does like so that he can contribute positively. It's a joint decision.

I'll try to say this nicely, but sorry but your responses are coming across as bossy and unprepared to listen.
Maybe your DH can't be arsed to offer any names for fear of this sort of response. He's taking the path of least resistance, as I would too, because in this thread you are not just resistant to discussion of names, you are derisive!
He'll say what name he doesn't like out of fear that he'll be landed with it, but other suggestions? Well, what actually is the point?

I also think your understanding of how certain names are perceived out in everyday life is quite narrow. You're basing it on who you know yourself rather than any wider connotation. If it interests you, all your suggestions come across to me as a bit "up yourself", and I'm not sure I'm alone in that.
Actually, probably doesn't interest you.
And that's what your DH is reacting to.

A flatmate of mine was called Cassie ……surname
However all her official post arrived in the name of Baby…….surname.

The parents apparently had never agreed on a name and the registrar had told them they could just put Baby down then change it by some means ? Later. They never did.

So at 33 weeks yes you probably need to think about it but so does he.
Or you’ll be left with Baby on the birth cert.

@Plum02 stop trying. Think of names you like, never mind the research behind the name, who cares what a name means, it’s what it means to you that counts. Tell him he needs to come up with a list of names as he’s causing you totally unnecessary stress, if he can’t then you will be naming your daughter with a name you’ve chosen but won’t be telling him until you’ve registered her so he can’t shit on it! I’d also be telling him he’s being a complete prick.

as a side note, I don’t think the names you have listed are terrible, not my cup of tea but I do know children with these names and they don’t have pretentious parents. My friends granddaughter is Ottilie, but she’s French ( the granddaughter) I think it’s more common there.

All my DDs have names that have meaning to us, named after grandmothers, great grandmothers, grandfather’s favourite name, and other meaningful reasons. DH only vetoed one and I got his reason (name association with a horrible tv character from our childhood).

@Plum02 have you taken on board all the comments - many of them - that are telling you reason DH hate all your names is because they are all much of a muchness?

When he doesn’t like Ophelia, it’s not a surprise that he doesn’t like Octavia. Aurelia, Araminta etc would go down similarly badly.

Juliet, Hermione, Rosalind, Celia, Miranda, Katherine, Kate , Helena, Lavinia and even Cordelia and Portia are mainstream.

Apart from the one poster on here who had never heard the name Ophelia for most people is this.

I agree with your husband about all those names to
be fair.

When we had our kids we came up with a list of favourite names each then compared them for any names that we’d both picked the same name then any others that we both liked from
each others lists. With out first son we had 1 name we’d both had on our list then 2 other names we both liked from the lists (1 was originally my pick and 1 was my husband’s pick), we ended up naming him my pick in the end as he just looked like that name. With our second again we had a name that was on both of our lists then we had 1 that was originally my pick that we both liked and 2 that were originally my husbands, he ended up having the name that we’d both had on our lists. We did the same thing with girls names as we didn’t know in advance what we were having although we managed to get it down to 1 name both times I was pregnant, Matilda (Tilly) for our eldest and Henrietta (Hettie) for our youngest…obviously didn’t get to use either of those though.

I’d also loved Sebastian for ages but my husband hated it so it never made it onto the lists. I’m glad it didn’t now as there’s 2 Sebastian’s in my eldest sons nursery class already whereas he is the only one of his name!

Would he compromise with a posher name you like, if there was a nickname he liked?

Antonia, nn Toni
Harriet, nn Harri, Etta
Emmeline, nn Emme

Tell him as he doesn't like any of your choices, he's got a week to come up with a list of his own. If he doesn't do it, you'll be picking a name and he can like it or lump it!

They weren't "suggesting it", they were giving examples of how to discuss with your DH to get into a conversation and bring up different options.

You do sound pretty intense. Tell him to write his top ten and take it from there.

Love Margot and clementine if he was so negative and didn't like anything, I'd just name her what I wanted, he seems uninterested x