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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have you made sexual innuendos in the work place?

128 replies

LucieChardon · 01/12/2024 11:24

So the BBC reported that GregG said: "In over 20 years of television, can you imagine how many women, female contestants on MasterChef, have made sexual remarks or sexual innuendo - can you imagine?"

Implying that many women also make sexual remarks or innuendos, in a professional environment. (His whole statement is doubling down that he's an obscene misogynist.)

I'm curious to know how true this is. I mean, with my own DH, joking with close friends, I might make a pun or a joke. Never with acquaintances, never with colleagues. What about you?

I find it hard to believe that there are many women who behave very differently from me. I think women are socialised to be generally less sexually aggressive.

YABU = I do make sexual remarks in the work place
YANBU = I do not make sexual remarks in the work place

OP posts:
Boredlass · 01/12/2024 16:03

I work in warehouses. The women are worse than men at times

Gowlett · 01/12/2024 16:05

I’ve never started it.
But I’ve joined in.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 01/12/2024 16:08

90s and 00s yes

Obsessedwithlamps · 01/12/2024 16:08

In my 20s and worked in the city, there was a lot of flirting and banter but within peer groups. These days I am a manager (and a middle class woman of a certain age!) and although I am actually naturally flirtatious as a person, I would never flirt with or come out with any innuendo at work as it would just be inappropriate coming from me in a senior position. I also think times has moved on as I never hear any sexual banter in the office at all these days.

Createausername1970 · 01/12/2024 16:11

Yes, to a degree. A bit of double entendre. Or a bit of "oh madam, what a big one" in an exaggerated tone when commenting on the size of a normal everyday object.

But sexualised jokes or obvious references to a colleague - male or female - no. I wouldn't like it about me, so I don't do it about others.

I have witnessed it in the workplace, but a lot of other male colleagues were equally unhappy about it, not just me or female colleagues.

MillyMichaelson · 01/12/2024 16:11

God yeah. I've worked in very male dominated industries so, sure. We're adults.

bombastix · 01/12/2024 16:18

I remember it was very common and there was a degree of harassment in. Now older and more senior it doesn’t happen. I do remember several instances where I had to tell men to stop. Many women seemed not to mind. I’m sure these guys thought I was a bitch, but I didn’t care.

The worst offenders were always married or with long term partners. Grim.

LetsRedecorate · 01/12/2024 16:21

In the past I have - twenty years or more ago. Not really aimed at a specific person, just general childish type immature remarks (double entendres). Not for many years. Times have changed.

I work for a law firm - senior partners behaviours have largely changed due to new recent change in sexual harassment laws.

Even five or ten years ago the amount of senior partners boffing junior staff in the office after a night out was worrying. The ones I was aware of seemed so polite and kind and respectful. When really they were just working their way through the secretaries and assistants.

Law firms are awful for this type of thing.

DelicateSoundOfEchos · 01/12/2024 16:24

As with most things it depends on the specifics. It isn't something that I generally do at work, no. But within a group of people I'm close to, know well and we behave in the same way towards one another, yes I do and have done.

Bearpawk · 01/12/2024 16:27

Yes I have. My work place is very informal and we all know eachother very well and joke around a lot. However, I know my audience and would not dream of joking like that in other places I have worked.

suki1964 · 01/12/2024 16:29

Having worked in pubs and kitchens most of my life, its a yes

Im now working with a much younger group of people and I have to mind what I say. Dont get me wrong, Im not cracking dirty jokes all day, but where a "said the actress to the bishop " type comment would have been out of my lips quick as a flash, I have to swallow it

The work place has changed a lot since I started in 1978, for the better for the main, but I feel like at times you do have to walk on eggshells

Right this very minute Im watching 4 in a Bed , and two lads are saying the bathroom window should have been frosted. In the words of one ( whilst demonstrating by pretending to open his fly ) "imagine standing there having a slash giving everyone an eyeful" and winked and nudged his companion. That was televised at tea time not long ago. If we are cancelling GW, should that episode have ever been re-shown?

DramaAlpaca · 01/12/2024 16:41

In a previous job, absolutely yes. We were a small group of middle aged women who knew each other very well, and honestly we could be absolutely filthy. Then the company took on a few new, much younger people and we behaved much better after that as the audience had completely changed and we all knew it would've been totally inappropriate.

In my current job nobody would dare! I think there's only one person I have a bit of daft banter going on with, but it's harmless silliness, not smutty and only when we're on our breaks so nobody else has to put up with us.

Mittens67 · 01/12/2024 16:45

Never.
I have had relationships with men I have worked with but never made any lewd remarks to anybody in or out of work.

TheThreeCheesesOfTheApocalypse44 · 01/12/2024 16:46

Happens a lot in my workplace......it is just banter and innuendo, no malice in it and absolutely nothing physical. Its between men as well as women. I think the main reason is because the core workforce has been there for years.

It goes over my head tbh, I don't find it offensive but don't engage with it either. I do think they're flying by the seat of their pants tho, it only takes a new start to take something the wrong way and to escalate something which is pretty innocuous to others who work there and I can see a few heads rolling. That will be on them tho, it's not up to me to point it out and it won't be me dealing with any consequences.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 01/12/2024 16:51

Although in the case of Gregg Wallace he's trying to compare his sexual jokes to those of female contestants, which is clearly not the same. The power imbalance is pretty stark when you're the MasterChef judge.

///

Nailed it.

And then to say complaints were from a small number of "middle class women of a certain age". So old ladies who are now past it and should have appreciated the bantz.

God that man is a twat.

Although on the bright side in this house when someone says an innuendo we used to say "That's what she said" and it's now "That's what Gregg said".

Lavenderblossoms · 01/12/2024 16:53

Yes I have and I'm female.

However, I know my audience and would never do it in front of certain people. The people I do, we have a little guffaw, carry on style and move on. These are people I've known for years.

Probably be a HR dream at the BBC. 😁

And yes I am professional. But we are adults and we know how to judge a situation.

DarkAndTwisties · 01/12/2024 16:55

I can imagine that he is correct that sometimes women have made comments like that.

It's just not relevant to the complaints against him.

Kitkat1523 · 01/12/2024 16:57

No never

TunnocksOrDeath · 01/12/2024 16:58

Up till about 15 years ago, within the team, with others my 'grade', who also made similar remarks, yes. Alway general though, not personal stuff, and if anyone crossed a line it was always ok to call them on it.
I think it's ok that things have changed. Looking back, there must have been people who were not comfortable with that type of banter, and being young, we didn't realise why, and thought they were just a bit quiet. I'm sorry about that.

FrivolousKitchenRollUse · 01/12/2024 17:11

Maybe a few in the early 00's in my first job but it was quite a boisterous place and everyone seemed comfortable with it. I think the GW situation isn't about this though - it's the importance of reading the room and being aware of any potential power imbalances and people who don't want to get involved in "bantz". I also worked in the sports equipment industry for a while - when discussing the length of golf shafts and the type of grip required, no one made any Carry On type comments as it just wasn't the culture.

BigFatLiar · 01/12/2024 17:12

It just depends on who you are and who you're with whether it's banter or offensive. When I first started work it was in an office of women and there was lots of discussion of their boyfriends size, vulgar jokes etc, even sex toys. It reduced as I moved up but there's always been some level of this even if it's been simple things like suggesting they'd like to have some time with Keanu Reeves (insert star name here).

We have been to comedy shows with comediennes and must admit found them a bit vulgar and offensive though it may have seemed funnier in an all female environment.

Beekeepingmum · 01/12/2024 17:35

What is going to come out of the Great British Bake Off team - they literally broadcast a fairly high level of innuendo - what must go on behind the scenes.

Wonderi · 01/12/2024 17:38

IME women make many more sexual innuendos than men.
They are usually 45+

I think the odd innuendo is fine but I’ve worked with some women who take it to the next level and I find it really uncomfortable (and embarrassing for them).

I have heard some men do it but I think men are much more careful, whereas women seem to get away with it more.

I do admit that I’ve reported both men and women and I seem to let the women’s comments slide more than the men’s, which is probably very unfair of me.

Doyouthinktheyknow · 01/12/2024 17:45

Never done it and I’m the age group GW is referencing.

I’m a nurse, we often have a dark humour which can seem inappropriate to outsiders but never sexual in my experience.

I’ve come across the occasional flirtatious male and 1 female years ago but it’s not regular.

LufthName · 01/12/2024 17:46

I've been working for 23 years and have never made a sexual innuendo or joke in a work setting. I find it uncomfortable and also would not want to make others uncomfortable.