Have you made sexual innuendos in the work place?

[LucieChardon]

So the BBC reported that GregG said: "In over 20 years of television, can you imagine how many women, female contestants on MasterChef, have made sexual remarks or sexual innuendo - can you imagine?"

Implying that many women also make sexual remarks or innuendos, in a professional environment. (His whole statement is doubling down that he's an obscene misogynist.)

I'm curious to know how true this is. I mean, with my own DH, joking with close friends, I might make a pun or a joke. Never with acquaintances, never with colleagues. What about you?

I find it hard to believe that there are many women who behave very differently from me. I think women are socialised to be generally less sexually aggressive.

YABU = I do make sexual remarks in the work place
YANBU = I do not make sexual remarks in the work place

In a workforce of 8 I’m the only female. I feel comfortable being outrageous with 2 of them, cheeky with another 2 but wouldn’t with the remainder because one is the boss, one is an apprentice so it wouldn’t be appropriate with either. The last one is a twat.

No need to worry-it's only middle class middle aged women who've complained.

I just wrote this on another thread: almost 20 years of working with clients and I have never made a sexual remark or joke. It wouldn't enter my mind.

It also wouldn't surprise me if this man viewed some women's comments as sexual when they weren't because thats what he's thinking about all day long.

I am 50 and I worked in offices for many, many years and during the earlier years, when I was in my late teens and 20's the sexual innuendos at work were rife. From both the men and the women. Think 'Carry on film' type stuff but as far as I remember nothing that anyone took too far. It was more banter.

However in one of my jobs the company had a factory. The women in one section were terrible! The sexual comments they made to some of the young men were awful. They especially liked to 'rib' the shy ones because they loved to see them get embarrassed. They found it hilarious and loved to see them squirm. I look back at it now and think how shockingly inappropriate that was. But the lads just took it and put up with it. So the women can be just as bad as the men!!

@LucieChardon I’ve never made sexual innuendos, but I have been the victim of them!

I worked in a hospital and one of the trainee doctors was a bit of a pervert. I wore a white coat and he would do anything to get me to bend down so the split at the back showed a bit more than I would have liked. He was also prone to making sexist jokes and comments He went a bit too far one day and while I was working I felt my coat being lifted and turned round to see he was bending down trying to look up my coat. He laughed, just saying he wanted to see my lovely bum! I had had enough and told him to stop acting like a pervert, or I would take matters further. He was laughing about it when his Consultant came round the corner and told him to get to his office and stay there until he had a chance to talk to him.

The Consultant made it quite clear he had heard the whole conversation and asked me if he was like this all the time. When I said yes, but not usually as bad as this, he just said to leave it with him. The doctor came back to my office an hour later and apologised profusely for his behaviour and said it wouldn’t happen again. The Consultant called me to his office and asked me to make a formal complaint. I was reluctant, but he said that this was the only way to make sure this type of behaviour was stamped out in the workplace.

I was going on annual leave a couple of days later and when I came back to work he was gone. I never saw him again, but I was told he had been transferred to another hospital and that the complaint I made had been put on his records.

Yes but a lot is context.
Eg I find there is often more 'banter' of this kind with gay male work colleagues because you feel 'safe' that there's nothing pervy going on.
By and large though, it's a hell of a lot less regular than it was 20 years ago when I started work which is a good thing. 10 years ago I was getting slapped on the arse by 'VIP' customers pretty regularly. I'm glad this doesn't happen so much now, but we're still not there tho. I work in the music events industry and even just last night our event manager got propositioned by a band member for a 'good luck kiss' before they went on stage. This is a band who's been around 40 years or so so they're all about 60 and the event manager is about 20. Fucking creep!!!

Greg seems not to understand that it might only be more mature and financially secure women who have the power to speak up.

This. I'm middle-aged and middle-class, and I have a much better idea now of what is and isn't okay, because I've had harassment training at work, I hang out on Mumsnet, I've seen people on both sides of complaints at work and among my friends. I've had bullying managers. I have experience, knowledge and confidence that I didn't have in my 20s.

Back then, I'd have felt miserable and like I had to grit my teeth and get through it. Now, I'd be much more inclined to want such behaviour stamped out, and if I am on the receiving end or witness it, then I feel I should complain,because if we don't speak up, it never ends.

But also, I can afford to lose my job and be unemployed for a bit - there have been times, especially when younger, when I was not in that financially luxurious position, as I lived from paycheck to paycheck and overdraft to overdraft, and could not have risked losing my income.

I probably have been involved in some innuendo in the past, but only with long-standing colleagues where we knew each other well.

I have responded in kind when the situation warranted it (sometimes I have surprised myself with some cracking put-downs), but it has never been something I have instigated at all.

Yes, plenty of rude jokes etc. Not from a position of power and not directed to a specific person.

Context is important.

I regularly both made and received it including to/from bosses, but probably not in the last 10 years. I find it unacceptable both ways now.

Only accidentally. We had an IT guy turn up with a bunch of really long cables to update our laptops (about 20 years ago, so they needed to plug them in). I asked him if he ever dreamed of tying staff up with his cables. I meant because the staff were really annoying for the IT team, but clearly that wasn't what sprung to mind for everyone else in the room. I felt like a proper idiot for not thinking about how it sounded.

I’m very guilty of „said the bishop to the nun“ statements at wildly strange moments that make no sense especially to a 100% non native English speaking team. Otherwise absolutely not.

Yes, years ago, when I worked before having kids. There was a group of us around the same age (early 20s) who all started working at the company within months of each other. We all got along and there was lots of jokes and some sexual innuendo. It was just between us though, we wouldn't have done it to anybody visiting, or anybody not in our group. Even though we were quite an immature bunch looking back, we still knew where to draw the line.

I personally don't make such remarks but it was the norm in my workplace in the 90's and wasn't one way, women definitely gave as good as they got. The problem is that banter, jokes or whatever you want to call it is not universal in acceptance, what one person thinks is harmless remarks another takes offence to ... you need to read the room! Taken out of context jokes can seem a lot worse too.

I'm not going to pass judgement on gw as I wasn't there so don't know whose up to this situation, all I know is that I've heard worse than what was being reported without anyone complaining because it was 2 way. As I said you need to read the room, banter isn't always appropriate

You just need to watch The Great British Bake Off to see how common it is. A product in our work had the unfortunate code description as ANL you can imagine how many jokes were made around it.

Yes I have but I started work in the 1970s. You had to give as good as you got. I wouldn't dare do it nowadays.

I remember vividly saying something accidentally which was open to misinterpretation, the man I was talking to just looked at me and I blushed crimson, if I could have sunk through the floor I would have.

I worked mainly with men and there was a lot of joking around, but I steered clear of anything suggestive, it could have made working together very difficult. I think they realised and kept it more or less clean when I was around.

No because I mostly work with men and as others pointed out some men think a smile is a gagging for it sign.

I have had sexual innuendos thrown at me from men and women, some were more than innuendo too.

Not sure what Greg Ws point is though because the fact is no one should take that to work with them. There are other things to talk about to ease a tough day it's not like sex is the only thing you can have a laugh about.

Interesting thread. So, like me, to those who have in the past had "banter", do you miss the camaraderie that came from that? Is work now too serious, some may say more professional??

I'm retired now, but I wonder how some of the men I worked with would function in the current work place. They were (mainly) harmless and it really wasn't threatening you just had to make your boundaries clear. It could be a bit boring and soulless these days I guess, a 'you look good today' did brighten your day even if it was sexist and you shouldn't care about such things and it seems a shame such a comment might be reported to HR these days. And the 'discussions' about managers would have made your hair curl!

I started work in the 70s and it was rife. Lots of banter, affairs and plenty of misogyny. The whole culture a different, long lunches, drinking etc. Sometimes it was great fun and you were happy to be part of it with people of your own age but some of the older men were very creepy, both in attitude and behaviour.

I have flirted with, and been flirted with, very camp gay colleagues in the past, but that's only because it was definitely very safe for both sides.

I've worked since I was 17 (67 now) in a variety of places. From swanky offices to workshops on industrial estates and pulling pints in pubs. The most prolific offenders of sexual innuendo are men by a trillion miles. I would say probably 50% of the men I've worked with over the years are only just a hair's breath away from saying something filthy, either because they think they're god's gift or just deliberately to make women feel uncomfortable. Yes, I've known filthy mouthed women but they are very rare and their comments are usually confined to a group of other like minded women - it's a different dynamic.

I miss a bit of it, yes, but there were things that did need to change.
I don't miss getting slapped on the arse. But I do miss impromptu after-work drinks every week, proper friendships at work, the possibility of having a relationship through meeting someone at work, and the more agile way of working that was possible before everyone took everything so seriously.

I started work in the 1970s so it’s very likely that I have but it’s a long time in the past. Times have changed and I think anyone would be mad to make them nowadays if they want to keep their job.