…to be 7 months pregnant at my own destination wedding?

[FruitPastel54321]

We’re getting married abroad next year (4hr flight) and despite using condoms, have just discovered I am 4-5 weeks pregnant with DC3. Safe to say we are in complete shock and disbelief.

We booked the wedding 2 years in advance and almost 20 families have booked to join us for the week, costing a few £k per family. We have already spent a lot on the wedding ourselves.

I’d be 7 months pregnant at the wedding, 5 months at my hen do (which is in the UK but also booked and paid for). I already bought my wedding dress earlier this year and it’s boned and fitted.

On top of this, I’m starting a new job in January and would be due in August - I know maternity leave is a legal right but I can’t help but feel guilty that I’d have to tell a new employee within a few weeks of joining.

We know we want a 3rd, it’s just such unexpected timing, it’s caught us totally off guard and we’re not sure if going ahead with the pregnancy is the right decision, mainly based on my job situation but paired with the wedding plans too I am desperately struggling to imagine 2025 looking SO different to what we thought.

I do also try to be sensitive as some of our friends have struggled TTC, so please no judgement for considering all options here.

WWYD?

It doesn't matter if it's a wedding or a holiday - the point of travel insurance is to insure you against not being able to travel in the event of ill health.

If you do cancel the wedding in Greece because of the pregnancy, I think friends would be more understanding if you did that now, rather than waiting until closer the time and realising you don't feel up to the travel after all.

I would definitely look at organising a smaller UK wedding early next year on a Saturday, bearing in mind your loved ones have already sacrificed their precious annual leave for this destination wedding. Do not try to do something midweek to save cash as you'll only wind up some people after the change in plans!

Depending on how you think they will react, you can either cancel the Greece wedding or turn into a celebration party where if you don't turn up and/or video conference in, it's not the end of the world. I think I'd probably cancel it though unless you or your DP have family in Greece and that's why you were planning the wedding there in the first place.

It's not ideal with your job. It really isn't. But worst case scenario, a bad job/missing opportunity haunts you for years. Giving up the chance to have a wanted baby? I've never been in that position, but I'd expected it to last a lot longer.

Actually having that wanted baby? That will impact the rest of your life. As it has the most wide ranging consequences, I'd make all decisions off the back of that possibility.

I don't think it is possible for women to have everything all the time. But we can have the things we want the most - we just have to identify those things and prioritise them. If here, that for you means another child... you know what you have to do.

I'm expect you could get cover if you pay enough. But need to be very sure it covers both you snd a newborn and travel if needed (thinks it'd called medical repatriation?) so I don't know how easy it is. But also insurance is only as good as the available care, I don't know enough about Greek maternal care to judge but it is something I would want to be very sure I had looked into.

I agree with this - I'd be miffed if it was me

A lot of policies exclude pregnancy

It's bad enough imposing the cost in financial and time off work terms on people to attend a wedding abroad as it is, so if you're going to cancel/change it do it asap.

We've been to 4 weddings abroad - close friends and family - over the last 15-20 years and have said never again. Last one cost us over £10k in travel and hotels alone and, while we can well afford it, it's still a hell of a lot of money (and leave days) to go somewhere we would never have wanted to go but for the wedding. I worked out that there must have been well over £250k spent on travel by guests at that one.

If I'd already booked flights to a wedding and then they postponed I wouldn't book more flights to the second one

That's ultimately your choice though. The couple would have to accept many guests would likely feel similar to yourself. I always decline wedding invitations abroad as a general rule due to cost, irrespective if whether it has had to be rearranged.

Thanks everyone for your honest and comforting responses, I’ve really enjoyed reading them all and appreciate all of the comments. I’m touched by everyone’s kindness.

Still weighing it all up, we’re giving ourselves a week to consider every single option and the impact each decision would have.