…to be 7 months pregnant at my own destination wedding?

[FruitPastel54321]

We’re getting married abroad next year (4hr flight) and despite using condoms, have just discovered I am 4-5 weeks pregnant with DC3. Safe to say we are in complete shock and disbelief.

We booked the wedding 2 years in advance and almost 20 families have booked to join us for the week, costing a few £k per family. We have already spent a lot on the wedding ourselves.

I’d be 7 months pregnant at the wedding, 5 months at my hen do (which is in the UK but also booked and paid for). I already bought my wedding dress earlier this year and it’s boned and fitted.

On top of this, I’m starting a new job in January and would be due in August - I know maternity leave is a legal right but I can’t help but feel guilty that I’d have to tell a new employee within a few weeks of joining.

We know we want a 3rd, it’s just such unexpected timing, it’s caught us totally off guard and we’re not sure if going ahead with the pregnancy is the right decision, mainly based on my job situation but paired with the wedding plans too I am desperately struggling to imagine 2025 looking SO different to what we thought.

I do also try to be sensitive as some of our friends have struggled TTC, so please no judgement for considering all options here.

WWYD?

32 weeks? I'd crack on. I think it would really play on your mind if you terminate a child for fear of inconveniencing other people. Worst case and you have to cancel they can all still go and enjoy the holiday, and you can have a simpler affair back at home.

You can terminate a pregnancy for any reason you like, you do not have to justify it, or feel guilty, it’s your body and your choice.

If the timing is not convenient, that’s fine. It’s a personal and private decison and you do not need to tell anyone else, or listen to anyone else’s opinions.

i know people get preachy around abortion…and just because they wouldn’t do it for X, Y or Z reason, does not mean the same applies to you. We have fought (and are still fighting!) hard, for female bodily autonomy.

On a thread like this people are always going to start overlaying thier religious and social beliefs. It astounds them that not every woman who has an Abortion feels guilty, and walk round ringing a bell shouting “shame”, plenty just pick up their lives and carry on.

If you are going to terminate, do it sooner rather than later.

If you are allowed to travel go for it! Don’t cancel and have a wonderful wedding. Get a loose flowing dress and you can show DC3 that they were at your wedding.

'There are a lot of people saying guests can claim on insurance, I can't see how? I've not seen any insurance providers that cover guests if the wedding gets cancelled.'

Cancel for any reason is an add on widely available. Yes obviously adds to the expense but with a wedding abroad it is surely worth it.
Fwiw insurance should always be bought at time of booking not the time of travel so then you are indeed covered for unexpected situations.

Situations like this should make us all think before agreeing to attend a wedding abroad. Why not just rearrange get married here and go to Greece on your honeymoon?

Personally I would terminate, it's very early and not right for your life right now. But do whatever you think is right for you.

Or rearrange the wedding?

Echoing previous posters, you definitely should not terminate this pregnancy. None of these reasons are the end of the world and you would regret it massively. These thing happen and it'll be OK. I say this currently playing with my 11 month old surprise third. He's perfect.

I'm very interested in the cancel for any reason travel insurance. I've genuinely never seen it come up as an option and I often go away for a kind of hobby that gets cancelled last min and I lose out. Could someone who knows more about this post either a link or a company that offers it? When I Google i get American companies and information coming up only.
I spent ages reading through 2 sites about it then realised they were both about America. If I add UK to the search I just get the same sites.

I've found a thread on trip advisor asking about CFAR and apparently it's not available in the UK. So how posters expect the guests to claim off their CFAR policies is anyone's guess.

Oh good. I'm glad about that as I thought i was just being incredibly stupid for a moment.
I do quite a few trips a year as I said and wondered how the hell i missed something that would have been so beneficial to me!

I didn't say it was the first choice. But between guests being annoyed that the plans for a trip have changed or terminating a pregnancy so as not to inconvenience my guests I know which I would choose! She isn't debating if this is a good time to attempt a pregnancy but dealing with one that is already here.

I personally don't think terminations are an answer for this type of situation.
I'm completely pro/choice but the says she wants a third DC.
The new job, doesn't matter, happens all the time, maternity leave is a tiny tiny portion of a working life.

Choose a 'dream' wedding/dress over a child? The money's gone. You could have woken up with extreme D&V on the wedding day and missed it anyway, or be in the local hospital because one of your DCs slipped and hit their head playing in the pool, or you have a row the night before with your fiancé and he's hungover on the day, a million things can mess up a 'dream' wedding. The food can be terrible. Or there's a power cut or bad weather. Or they can just not live up to expectations and feel a waste of money and effort.
You might spend the whole day feeling like shit that you terminated a child (I'm not judging or guilt tripping / but this is really likely how I would feel)
Nope.

If you can't or don't want to fly everyone else can still go on the trip (not your fiancé obviously!) and you can hopefully re/coop some of the cost.

I looked into this before my last trip and was also told it wasn't available in the UK.

Would you mind linking one of these widely available UK based CFAR policies please?

This really. I think you have to decide if you want the baby first. Ignore the wedding in that decision. I don't mean to bring you down but you could lose the baby before the wedding.

Then once you've decided you have to then decide what to do about the wedding. Either go ahead or cancel and reimburse your guests who have paid other wise that's really shitty.

Verbal diarrhoea going on here...

Stop it now, rearranging the wedding is far too sensible....

Will be nice! You’ll have all three of your kids there at the wedding with you ❤️

Tough. 20 families will have wasted their money

even if you are within the 32 weeks, sometimes pregnancies are not straightforward and there are medical reasons not to fly. No idea what I would do in your shoes but I wouldn't be happy if I had spent £££ on a destination wedding (which I think ars poor taste in any case as they just make it so much more expensive for people to attend) and if it's cancelled. I know it's probably not overly helpful, sorry. And congratulations on the pregnancy.

Can you cancel the wedding, use the money you saved to reimburse family and have a much smaller wedding once DC3 is here? I think if you expect people to absorb the cost of your non wedding, there will be outfall. I would want to avoid that.

I also think if you do cancel you need to do so quickly and that might mean telling people of your pregnancy before you are otherwise ready.

My biggest concern will be the new job. It doesn't look good starting a job and needing maternity leave a few months later. However, that's the law and there is nothing your employer can do about it.

Regarding the wedding. You'll be pregnant with a tummy instead of having a lovely figure :). Nothing else should change except your wedding dress - can you contact the company and tell them the problem? You still have time to get another dress more fitting to your pregnancy.

Flights won't be a problem. As far as I know, women in their 7th month of pregnancy have no problems flying within Europe or from the UK to Europe. You'll just have to drink mocktails instead of cocktails.😀

You want a 3rd child
You want to get married
You want to start a new job

You may not be entitled to enhanced maternity pay so do check out your employer rules, but you don't need to feel guilty about taking maternity leave. They can claim back most of the statutory pay and you could end up being there for may years with the mat leave as a short gap.

Check if you will be able to fly - obviously there could be complications later that may mean you couldn't, but assuming you were in good health can you fly back at 32 weeks? A 48 hour train and ferry ride with a 2 and 4 year old at 32 weeks does not sound relaxing to me, so I would be discounting that option.

I think I would be checking out my and everyone else's travel cancellation options. 20 families travelling is a lot. But it is also very early days. If I wasn't sure I wanted a 3rd child it would be a much easier decision.

Insurance wouldn't cover this situation. Can't go cos my mate (whose not part of my travel party) got pregnant- any insurance company would laugh at that.

I'd go ahead, get another dress, hope for the best with the new job. Chances are you can get to Greece & back just fine.

Nothing in life is guaranteed and you can't depend on the fact you'll have another pregnancy at an ideal time in the future.