…to be 7 months pregnant at my own destination wedding?

[FruitPastel54321]

We’re getting married abroad next year (4hr flight) and despite using condoms, have just discovered I am 4-5 weeks pregnant with DC3. Safe to say we are in complete shock and disbelief.

We booked the wedding 2 years in advance and almost 20 families have booked to join us for the week, costing a few £k per family. We have already spent a lot on the wedding ourselves.

I’d be 7 months pregnant at the wedding, 5 months at my hen do (which is in the UK but also booked and paid for). I already bought my wedding dress earlier this year and it’s boned and fitted.

On top of this, I’m starting a new job in January and would be due in August - I know maternity leave is a legal right but I can’t help but feel guilty that I’d have to tell a new employee within a few weeks of joining.

We know we want a 3rd, it’s just such unexpected timing, it’s caught us totally off guard and we’re not sure if going ahead with the pregnancy is the right decision, mainly based on my job situation but paired with the wedding plans too I am desperately struggling to imagine 2025 looking SO different to what we thought.

I do also try to be sensitive as some of our friends have struggled TTC, so please no judgement for considering all options here.

WWYD?

But surely with destination weddings this is the risk involved. They must have taken out cancellation cover and if not they could still go on holiday so all is not lost.
Weddings and the build up are tiring, exciting yes but tiring. I wouldn't want to go through all that including a 4hr flight whilst 7months pregnant.

Looks like you can do London to Greece via ferry in about 48 hours. The route through the Alps is currently blocked by a landslide but that should be fixed next spring. So you'd get the Eurostar to Paris, then the Paris-Milan train (perfectly nice, beautiful views, I really enjoyed this train).

A stay overnight in Milan, then Milan down to the foot of Italy. I've not done that bit but I would be optimistic for good views. Then an overnight ferry to Greece.

It wouldn't be quick, but if you booked upgraded options (standard premier for Eurostar, business for the Italian trains) then I think you'd have a comfortable and relaxing trip.

It's perfectly okay not to enjoy that sort of thing, but I think it would be possible if you fancied it. I suspect the most difficult bit would be getting to the relevant part of Greece.

https://www.seat61.com/Greece.htm#how-much-does-it-cost

Best of luck, and totally fair enough whatever decision you decide to make - it sounds like a difficult time and you have to balance your family's priorities.

I'd be annoyed if I was a guest and you cancelled the wedding. You could offer to pay their deposits as they may not have paid the full amount yet. Don't terminate. Either go or cancel the wedding.

@Viviennemary what if she can't afford to pay for 20 families deposits? Surely that's totally unrealistic for most people

Surely people take out cancellation insurance? Deposits would be minimal and the risk you take when you agree to attend these destination weddings. Anything can go wrong.

Your guests can still go and have a holiday. But I would think they’d be reluctant to spend money on another wedding of yours so keep that in mind. I would personally go ahead with both the wedding and the pregnancy. 32 weeks is ok to fly and as long as the pregnancy is all going well it should be fine. I’d get another dress though.

People have spent ££ to go.

@FruitPastel54321 So many people will have their opinions but ultimately it boils down to you. Is this the right time for you? Is it not the right time but you’re going to continue with the pregnancy any way?

Either answer is fine and no one can tell you why you can or cannot or should or should not have an abortion.

This is your choice - I would ignore what other people would do and go with your gut.

Cancellation insurance..

@Onlyvisiting

Well there's no reason they can't still go snd have their holiday is there?

That's very presumptuous.

It's quite possible they would never want to go to the destination if it wasn't for OP's wedding.

How many people have booked to travel to your wedding?

The reason I ask is because their insurance won't cover them cancelling for this reason. However, if we aren't talking about too many people, could you not offer to refund their deposits yourselves from the money you will be saving by cancelling and perhaps having a much cheaper, earlier wedding in the UK?

Not ideal, I know, but worth considering.

For someone else being pregnant? Doubtful. Weddings month away as well, cancellation insurance may not yet have been purchased by all.

Well I doubt that the dress will be wearable, but surely you could sail or even drive/ferry to the destination if flying is out?

What age is early 30's? Contrary to on here a lot of women will struggle to have a live birth 35+. If you definitely want a third, I'd continue with the pregnancy. It's a full sibling that you are aborting and even if you do have another, it could hit you and have an inpact on you all. I've known that to happen. If you didn't want a third, I'd say explore ending the pregnancy.

Oops congratulations - if it were me I’d crack on - you’ll need a plan for a new dress .

Excellent idea.

I couldn't terminate in your position. I appreciate the timing isn't ideal, but you want another child and the rest is manageable. What if you terminate and then have issues getting pregnant later on? This happened to my friend and she's really traumatised. It never occurred to her she'd struggle to conceive again as she'd conceived easily in the past.

How many weeks will you be? Are your pregnancies usually okay? I flew long haul at 32 weeks, returning at 34 weeks and it was fine. Getting a note from the midwife was easy but no-one asked to see it.

Why would you even say this.

Which part of Greece? Is your travel insurance good for pregnancy?

I ask which part of Greece (I lived there for several years) because if you have a medical emergency, you might need to be transferred to a city with a good hospital. This could take time. Be careful you aren't taking risks with baby's and your health.

Check with your airline they will allow you to fly.

I travelled at 26 weeks and the airline were difficult on return at 27 weeks and almost didn't let me board (Turkey but with TUI) lucky i had my medical notes and a midwife letter confirming I was fit to fly and a manager allowed me to check-in. Had to go through it all again with the staff at the gate. Really stressful.

I'd carry on the with pregnancy as you never know what the future might hold with regards to trying again.
However if you do decide to cancel the wedding just be prepared that people may not book again. If I was to lose loads of money on a destination wedding I wouldn't be booking again no matter what unfortunately. Cheap one in the UK maybe. But I wouldn't book to go abroad again sadly.
All those people saying they could have a holiday regardless. Well i couldn't think of anything worse than a probable hot, beachy, boring holiday in Greece. I would never book that by choice. So I would just not go and would lose the money. No way would insurance pay out because someone else not in my holiday party was pregnant. So I wouldn't be booking another destination wedding after that no. And I'd still think twice about a UK one if it still involved lots of annual leave, travel and hotels etc.

Your guests could still go, even if you cancel the wedding and have a holiday.
I suppose some will be fine with that.

Others won't be because they might feel that they have had to take their annual holiday at a time and place of your choosing. Fine if it was tied to the
wedding, not so fine if it just turns into a holiday that someone else has chosen for them.

Could you take out a loan and reimburse those who were happy to go to Greece for your wedding but not so happy to go for a bog standard holiday?

As someone that was on the receiving end of this I agree with @Viviennemary. Years ago I was going to be bridesmaid for my cousin at a destination wedding. Timing was poor for us, the wedding was in the September I was starting my GCSEs, I was never taken out of school for holidays so this was a really big thing for my mom and dad to choose to do. It was an expensive destination and not somewhere we wouldn't have gone on a family holiday. A year before my cousin got pregnant, baby was due in the March before the September but wedding was cancelled. My parents ended up paying even more for the holiday to change dates to August so I didn't miss any school. There was no acknowledgment from my cousin or any of the family that it had messed people around. We weren't the only ones by a long shot.

There are a lot of people saying guests can claim on insurance, I can't see how? I've not seen any insurance providers that cover guests if the wedding gets cancelled.

Cancel the wedding - tell everyone sooner rather than later!

Why would you cancel the wedding? Do you have complications? You can still fly so long as people know things might change last minute is something arises. Tell you guests to get good travel insurance to cover cancellation if they decide not to go.