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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let DS play alone in the garden

98 replies

morepepsimax · 30/11/2024 20:11

I haven’t actually done so yet but he’s just turned 4 and seems much more grown up.

The garden is secure but if he really wanted to get out of it he could. It’s big and runs sort of parallel to a long country road with no pavements and cars go very fast down it. So that’s a worry. I don’t honestly think he would go out onto the road and the gates are closed but if he really wanted to get out he could.

What do others think? He isn’t always in sight when in the garden as there’s a front and a back.

OP posts:
hulahooper2 · 30/11/2024 20:13

can’t you secure the gate so he can’t get out?

KnickerlessFlannel · 30/11/2024 20:13

When you say 'if he really wanted to get out, he could", what would that entail. Is he in sight of you eg are you by a window?

coffeesaveslives · 30/11/2024 20:13

If it's not secure, then no, you can't leave him unattended - you need to make sure he can't climb out or wander off first.

Original poster
morepepsimax · 30/11/2024 20:14

hulahooper2 · 30/11/2024 20:13

can’t you secure the gate so he can’t get out?

The gate is secured but if he really wanted to get out he could climb over it. I don’t actually think that he would but the fact he can mean I can’t totally swear to it.

OP posts:
littlesnatchabook · 30/11/2024 20:15

When you say 'if he really wanted to' what do you mean, how long would it take him? Could you make it so he couldn't? Or make it so he could only be in sight, so secure the front or back?

Whatsitreallylike · 30/11/2024 20:17

If he could get out then I wouldn’t risk it. Say he’s playing with a ball or something that goes over the fence, if he could get out he might be inclined too eventually for whatever reason

Original poster
morepepsimax · 30/11/2024 20:19

It would entail climbing over a gate which is unlikely I would say but he could.

The worries are

if he got out (and the road isn’t exactly busy but has no pavements, dense with trees and has vehicles absolutely zooming past so if he did get out would be incredibly dangerous)

the very unlikely scenario but not impossible that a stranger could see him and lure him away or take him

I think the garden itself is secure from hazards

I I remember spending hours in the garden when I was little (at least it felt that way!) but I’m not sure from what age.

OP posts:
coffeesaveslives · 30/11/2024 20:19

If he can climb over and onto a main road then that's a huge no IMO. That could end in disaster.

CatamaranViper · 30/11/2024 20:19

Really daft scenario, but I knew my son was really well behaved. He had never done anything to make me think he would even leave his room at night without shouting for us or ever open the kitchen cupboards.
One night he decided to leave his room and gather all the jars of jam, marmalade and honey and slathered himself and his bed in the stuff.

Before that happened I could have sworn on anything that it never would happen. Turns out I was wrong. My take away is never underestimate a kid. If they can do something, eventually they'll probably do something you never imagined unexpectedly and at the worst possible moment.

Secure the gate.

Original poster
morepepsimax · 30/11/2024 20:21

I agree but there’s no real way of securing the gate in that he can’t get out at all. I mean, he can’t unlock it but he could climb over it or the fence if he really wanted to get out. So at what age can I assume he’s good to be alone in the garden - it’s hard to know really!

OP posts:
TickingAlongNicely · 30/11/2024 20:21

Using that logic... could he open your front door? Or climb out a window in the middle of the night?

Are climbing the gate, or opening a door, or climbing out a window actual possibilities... or just things that could conceivably happen?

coldcallerbaiter · 30/11/2024 20:22

Playing alone could mean someone could get to him, like a stranger or he could put a conker in his mouth ( mine did that) eat a berry or all sorts. You can leave him but do not get distracted and he should be visible through a window. Almost all my friends inc me had an escapee, they were all under 3 though. It was luck nothing happened to any of them. One of mine escaped from a nursery too.

coffeesaveslives · 30/11/2024 20:24

TickingAlongNicely · 30/11/2024 20:21

Using that logic... could he open your front door? Or climb out a window in the middle of the night?

Are climbing the gate, or opening a door, or climbing out a window actual possibilities... or just things that could conceivably happen?

Well, if I had a 4 year old, my front door would be locked at all times, and windows would have childlocks on them so they couldn't be fully opened.

coffeesaveslives · 30/11/2024 20:25

morepepsimax · 30/11/2024 20:21

I agree but there’s no real way of securing the gate in that he can’t get out at all. I mean, he can’t unlock it but he could climb over it or the fence if he really wanted to get out. So at what age can I assume he’s good to be alone in the garden - it’s hard to know really!

When he's old enough not to run into traffic, or go off with a stranger, or to know to come and get you if the ball goes over the fence, I guess.

What age that is is going to vary massively from child to child.

Original poster
morepepsimax · 30/11/2024 20:25

@TickingAlongNicely true although I don’t think he could actually do those things apart from the window. Although one of the most horrible things to have happened to us as parents was during a very brief hot spell last summer where we must not have closed the front door properly and the cool air made it open. DH realised and checked on the children and DD had gone - she was actually in bed with me but poor DH was absolutely sick with terror for just a moment Sad

I have always thought how horrific it must be to have had a child taken, the parents aren’t to blame but you’d constantly comb over those little inconsequential decisions and wish you’d made a different one - awful.

OP posts:
Original poster
morepepsimax · 30/11/2024 20:29

coffeesaveslives · 30/11/2024 20:25

When he's old enough not to run into traffic, or go off with a stranger, or to know to come and get you if the ball goes over the fence, I guess.

What age that is is going to vary massively from child to child.

Show quote history

This is the thing; I think he would do all of those things now although of course if someone wants to take a child they will, an adult can always overpower a child.

It is a very remote chance this could happen, it isn’t an area with many passer-bys. But I know it only takes one person with horrid intentions going by. However it is unlikely … they would have to pull over in a car and it is not really safe for that, the road is too narrow, lure DS over, get over the fence, take DS, get him in a car and be away.

I have given myself horrid images there. But that is not likely.

I really do not think he would try to climb over the gate but the fact that he could is a pause at least.

OP posts:
coldcallerbaiter · 30/11/2024 20:29

One of mine opened the front door at age 2 and got outside, dragged a chair, which made a big noise and I came to look, and he was just exiting,

coffeesaveslives · 30/11/2024 20:30

I guess it's a case of risk vs consequence. Only you can make that decision.

itwilltakeaslongasittakes · 30/11/2024 20:30

Play alone - yes, but watched from a distance - always

Original poster
morepepsimax · 30/11/2024 20:32

Well quite, it is risk rather than probability. The dilemma I suppose is that risk will always be there - there is always a tiny chance he could be taken if playing outside while I am distracted inside although it is a tiny chance - and the tiny chance of him getting onto the road and being hit by a vehicle.

Both horrific to think of. But equally I do not want to curtail his freedom and imagination. It is hard.

OP posts:
itwilltakeaslongasittakes · 30/11/2024 20:33

As long as you’re discreet about it, he’ll think he IS playing unsupervised

Coolblur · 30/11/2024 20:36

I am a big believer in trusting your instincts when making parenting decisions. This clearly doesn't feel OK to you just yet, so don't do it. The time will come when you won't give it a second thought, but right now he's only little so wait until you feel comfortable to let him play outside on his own

redskydarknight · 30/11/2024 20:36

When you say he could climb over the gate are you talking that there is easy footholds (a bit like a playground climbing frame) to get over and it's not that high, or more that it would be possible if he really set his mind to it, but not a particularly obvious thing to do.

Would a just 4 year old actually want to be on his own in the garden for any length of time?

Original poster
morepepsimax · 30/11/2024 20:39

@redskydarknight yes that’s right, I have included a cropped photo of said gate (original picture has children on it!) to give an idea.

I don’t know how long he’d play for alone but he does love being outside, he will literally have a 9-3 at forest school and be begging for more garden time but my younger child is cold and whingeing to go in.

To let DS play alone in the garden
OP posts:
SilverChampagne · 30/11/2024 20:41

Your garden is not secure! Why would you describe a garden next to a busy road with a gate like that as secure??

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