To let DS play alone in the garden

[morepepsimax]

I haven’t actually done so yet but he’s just turned 4 and seems much more grown up.

The garden is secure but if he really wanted to get out of it he could. It’s big and runs sort of parallel to a long country road with no pavements and cars go very fast down it. So that’s a worry. I don’t honestly think he would go out onto the road and the gates are closed but if he really wanted to get out he could.

What do others think? He isn’t always in sight when in the garden as there’s a front and a back.

We live in the country and have a sizeable garden, my son is 10 now but when he was 4/5/6 he'd last about three seconds on his own in the garden before I'd hear "mummy come and see this" or he'd come in covered in mud and bored because I'm not with him.

Four year olds aren't great being left on their own they crave company! Does your 4yo have a sibling to join them?

^ oh I see he has a younger sibling.

I do think 4 is still a bit too young to be trusted on his own outdoors if you're lucky enough to have a child who doesn't constantly beg for your attention.

A bit lost with this post, I must admit. Because in order to get out of the garden he would have to climb up the gate and then climb over the other side. So while it isn’t impossible it would take some forethought / time / planning: the point is he couldn’t just wander absentmindedly onto the road or unthinkingly charge after a ball or whatever.

In the unlikely event of my 4 year old being happy to play alone in the garden (where does one find a 4 year old like that?!?) it would be a no from a safety aspect. Mine is not a particularly sensible or risk conscious 4 year old though.

He is fairly independent. He wouldn’t play for hours or anything but he does seem to like pottering around in the garden, just plays a lot better outside than inside.

And that gate is a tiny part of the garden, most of the garden is surrounded by a wooden fence he wouldn’t be able to climb over or high hedges that are definitely secure. I’m not necessarily planning on letting him any time soon, just putting the gate into a bit of context

Not too long ago, I found a 3 year old child walking along a very busy main road. The police were called and it turned out he’d got out of his garden and gone for a wander. A happy ending but he was striding across roads and could easily have been run over.

This is the worry isn’t it - I am 99% sure he wouldn’t do that; it’s that 1%. But when does that 1% be put to bed? At the moment I am purely basing that on his age rather than any indication that he would actually do that. I genuinely don’t think he would.

My 4 and 5 year olds play in the garden without me, I look out every so often. I have a big jungle gym thingy out there. I’m fairly certain they’ve eaten a few worms and stones. They’re also sturdy little monkeys that rarely get ill lol.

I know it’s not what you have asked OP but I was just struck by the thought - is it possible for you to fence off a section of the garden for him to play in, in such a way that he can’t get to the gate?

No. He’s too young! And too precious to risk.

It probably wouldn’t be impossible, but might be a bit impractical because it would have to be at the end of the front garden.

I have thought that when both children have moved out I will try to get one of those outdoor compartments for cats though. I don’t have a cat at the moment because of the road but I would like to have cats again in the future!

With a gate like that and leading on to a busy road I wouldn’t leave my child unattended. They could play in the garden but I’d have to be sat watching them. Is there not a window you could sit and watch him out of for half hour or something?

Dc are surprisingly clever and daft in the same breath.... Dd was a very sensible 7year old. Standing in a city centre waiting to cross the road... (Assume I was holding a double buggy and not dd's hand) ... She stepped out. Red lights. Cars and buses passing by.... Apparently it was fine she decided to cross because 'that lady was crossing'.
Some random woman intent on Traffic Dodging putting herself stupidly at risk imo. Scared the absolute shit out of me... Nearly 30 years ago and still remember the panic..

My son (age 4) couldn't open the front door until one day I was distracted talking to my MIL( he moved a chair and climbed up, let himself out and straight over our (semi quiet) road. All ok thank goodness but I got a hell of a fright.
Never underestimate what they have taken in unbeknown to us, and will then attempt.

Personally, I’d only class a garden surrounded by an unscalable wall/fence as “secure”.
If a 4 year old could get out, someone else could get in.

I can but because the garden is big he isn’t always in sight. Plus he can move from front to back / round the side. And I am sort of sniffing a bit of freedom now he’s four, he suddenly seems a lot more independent. But I am happy for him not to be outside unsupervised for a while longer, it isn’t a problem. I suppose I am more idly wondering when this is the case, when I really can relax as a parent when it all
goes quiet and it just means he’s reading or something …

Start small and build up to longer spells gradually. So when he first goes out remind him that he must never ever leave the garden by himself then let him potter and check on him every 3/5/10 minutes, whatever you feel comfy with, and if he's too quiet for 30 seconds or so go and check on him.

Dont close the door so you can hear him and you'll get more confident the more you do it...but don't stop checking on him.

You could also stick a ring doorbell somewhere on the otherside of the gate that's motion activated for extra peace of mind?

Could you put up a high fence and adapt the gate so he can’t climb out. And lock the gate? Four is too young to be trusted and the road sounds very dangerous.

He needs to be in sight

They could but it is highly unlikely. Not impossible of course and I do have to be mindful of this, but that’s my question really - when is this something you can relax with?

And I am sort of sniffing a bit of freedom now he’s four, he suddenly seems a lot more independent

^
Independent?

He's four?

He wouldn’t be able to open the gate but he could climb over it if he really wanted to.

when is this something you can relax with

^

When he's old enough not to 'escape'

So around 7/8

When we were children the 4 year old son of my mother’s best friend died - knocked down by a car. He got out of their back garden, walked down a lane and onto a main road. They never thought he would leave their big garden but he did, through a hole in the hedge. It destroyed them.
I wouldn’t risk it.