To let DS play alone in the garden

[morepepsimax]

I haven’t actually done so yet but he’s just turned 4 and seems much more grown up.

The garden is secure but if he really wanted to get out of it he could. It’s big and runs sort of parallel to a long country road with no pavements and cars go very fast down it. So that’s a worry. I don’t honestly think he would go out onto the road and the gates are closed but if he really wanted to get out he could.

What do others think? He isn’t always in sight when in the garden as there’s a front and a back.

Thank you: I know he is four. Other posters were saying that their four year olds wouldn’t play independently and I was simply replying to say mine would.

In the last few weeks he has become more independent. As an adjective this doesn’t mean I’m expecting him to move out any time soon, more that he’s mastered some skills that were previously tricky - going to the toilet unprompted and unhelped, putting own coat on, those sorts of things. I’m not going to be giving him the keys to his own apartment just yet, maybe when he’s six.

I don't think there's a problem with the general principle of letting a 4 year old alone in the garden. I do think there's a problem with your set up unfortunately; I'd be worried about the road.

Even little ones that are sensible for their age can make impulsive decisions. A busy country road is just not something I'd feel comfortable with, unless the fencing and gate was really really secure. I'd be keeping a pretty close eye for several more years yet, unless you get new fencing.

When my son was younger, our school run was along busy roads and we walked these every day for years. He understood about crossings etc. Then one day when he was about 9, he saw his friend across the road and just ran across the road. Nothing happened but he didn't even look. Up until that point I would have sworn that nothing like that was even possible as he was such a sensible boy.
My point is that if you can't secure the garden properly, you probably need to supervise him a bit longer as the potential for disaster on a busy road is too high.
I don't know what type of gate you have but could you put chicken wire or something on it to make or hard to climb?

I think i would have felt uncomfortable with this when mine was just 4 but he's nearly 5 now and I think I'd do it. As a point of reference for you, OP. And I think he probably would have been fine at just 4, but I would have had to check on him so frequently it wouldn't have been worth it. I would reiterate to him over and over though that he is never to go out of or climb the gate. And I wouldn't go for a nap or anything while he's out there! (Which i would now, with my 8 year old)

I'm a bit surprised you are only considering this now, although you don't say how long you've lived there. People tend to toddler proof their houses in advance, stair gates, drawer safety catches etc as a matter of priority, so perhaps you could look at the garden in this light too, and just invest in proper secure fencing with a high gate.
I sat up when you mentioned planning safety measures for a cat-you're thinking installing a garden structure far ahead, but you don't even have the cat yet. Not a criticism, just wondering why you hadn't planned ahead in a similar way for your kid! Probably not your first priority with 2 little ones to rush about for.
From the picture, there isn't really a "strategy" as good as building something safe. Time and money invested into it now will be well worth it for two kids if just 4 years old is the oldest.

@MrMucker he hasn’t as of yet been out there for any length of time unsupervised. I don’t think as I’ve said he would mount the gate and climb over it but it is a possibility in that it could happen, not that it would but I am mindful one cannot be too complacent when the stakes are high.

It isn’t possible to have the garden so that no one can get in or out of it because at the risk of sounding flippant we need to get in and out of it, it isn’t like the designs of a lot of houses where the garden is at the back and can only be accessed via the house. I mean, a cat is one thing and a very young child can be contained with a little playpen but a four year old is a different kind of beast!

It is good to know there is a future where I can have a child at home and nap 😅

Just get a taller gate. You said he couldn't climb over the fence and the gate is a small part of it. Invest in a secure and taller gate. Why can't you do that? What am I missing here?

But you said there was a front and back? Why can’t you just fence off the back rather than having the entire area surrounding your house accessible from the front?

I’m not sure what you’re missing! Perhaps you are assuming that if the gate is high enough he couldn’t / wouldn’t climb over it, but the current gate is quite high and he could, could doesn’t necessarily equal would of course but the very style of gates mean they tend to be climbable.

I would swap the gate for a solid one that doesn’t have anything for him to climb up.

You can’t just fence off the back. I may need a diagram. Hold on …

At 4 u should be supervising.

So....it's tall but you need a different style of gate?? :)

I don’t lock my front door. If my nearly 4 year old wanted to he could open it and run down the street…. But he won’t.

I wouldn’t be worried about him escaping at all. However, I might worry who could get in. I think I would supervise for that reason, I wouldn’t be worried at all about my child (or any of my 3 at that age) opening the gate, but all children are different.

I will freely admit to not being an expert in gates but all the ones I’ve seen are climbable to a point. I can try to replace it by summer which is probably when this will become more pressing, although DD will probably want to be out there then and she definitely won’t be unsupervised anywhere any time soon! But this is it isn’t it … DD is pottering in the back garden, do I let DS wander round to the front, do I stay at all times, is he OK to be left for five minutes, ten, fifteen …? There isn’t a magic point where it all becomes obvious and I suppose this is what I’m wondering, when is it that we start to relax a bit?

Never. They just find new ways to stress you out.

I was with you until I saw a photo of the gate! I do leave my 4yo to play unattended in the garden with regular checks but I wouldn’t with that gate.

What’s wrong with the gate, out of interest? I’m not disagreeing with you but I’m just wondering as it’s always struck me as a normal gate!

"The garden is secure but if he really wanted to get out of it he could". I don't really know what this means. But I do know a situation where someone's child drowned when they got out of a garden they apparently never would. So I'd err on the side of caution with my child's life.

It’s got huge gaps making it really easy to find hand and foot holes to climb. In that picture it even looks like the gaps are big enough that he could crawl through, but it could just be the way the photo looks. The kind of gate other posters are suggesting is more like this:

This. IMO that gate would be an easy and fun climb for a 4YO

Sorry, picture didn’t attach to previous post.

safe gates. High with no handholds

At four I would stay out with him for the most part. I'd nip in to grab something or even stand/sit at a window and watch him but I wouldn't leave him completely unsupervised