To be pissed off at dp?

[rainbowbaby2]

So for a bit of context, I'm 22 weeks pregnant with a stinking head cold and have a toddler who's just recovering from croup.
Last night I asked if DP could do bedtime so I could rest which he was fine with. He then went out to meet a friend for a drink at our village pub.
I went downstairs to get a glass of water and the house was an absolute tip. Food left out everywhere, every toy was out. Fine. Was expecting him to come back and do the basics of the cleaning but he decided to stay up until 2am to get it tidy as today we had planned to put our Christmas decs up.
I got up with DS this morning at 6:30am so DP could have a lie in. Feeling rough as anything and still dealing with sickness but you get it done anyway. Now it got to 11am and DP still wasn't awake so we decided to go and wake him up. I took him a nice coffee. He completely snapped at me and said he'd been up all night cleaning and that I don't appreciate him. I said thank you and of course I appreciate it but he knew we had plans today to put up our decs and I didn't ask him to stay up that late knowing we had plans today. DS is so bored and desperate to start. DP is saying we have all afternoon. We don't as he knows we have a few different things planned. AIBU???

I just feel pissed off as there was no reason for him to stay up that late and now he's blaming me as if I made him do it. I wanted to have a really nice Christmassy day and now I feel like it's had a dampener put on it.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable unless is a constant pattern of behaviour? As a one off I wouldn’t be that fussed. He had an evening out and tidied when he got home. There’s still plenty of time to get the decorations up at some point and no reason to sit around bored waiting just get on with other things.

I mean he's goes out quite a lot but does give me a break when I need it. I find it really hard to tell if I'm being irrational with these pregnancy hormones. You're right, I guess I was just really excited this morning and expected him to wake up feeling the same!

I don't see the big deal. How long is it going to take to do the decorations? DS can make a little start, looking through the box of decorations, making something or whatever.

Make a start without him, and he can join in later. Toddlers will be easily distracted with a few shiny decorations.

Crack on and put the decks up, no need to sit around being bored

Well you're unreasonable to put christmas decs up in November

I can't get in the loft without him, otherwise I would absolutely start.
He's being an absolute arsehole now. Some toys are out downstairs because we have a 3 year old who's been up since 6:30am and the jam is out from breakfast in the kitchen. He's just had a massive go at me about it and said why does he bother.
I tidy/clean the house every single days and it gets messy again. That's just life. I don't moan when he leaves stuff out I just get on with it.
He's being completely out of order. I'd planned a really lovely day and he's just being nasty. Making out he does everything. He hasn't cleaned a bathroom since we had his mum stay months ago. He's cleaned the house once and wants a bloody medal for it.
He's told me shut up and F off more times than I can count because I said DS is bored and excited to start.

lol, we don't normally but I wanted it all to be ready for DS tomorrow. Plus we had a miscarriage at 13 weeks last Christmas so I wanted to make the most of this year and try and have a really nice festive month.

He sounds like an angry little elf

He tells you to shut up and fuck off multiple times? How often does this occur?

Quite the drip feed

assume this is his usual behaviour? Shame you have another child on the way with him

go out and have a nice day without him

I’m more concerned about the way he is speaking to you OP, is this usual behaviour from him?

Yeah he speaks to me like this quite a lot. I think he's neurodivergent

I was just really excited to have a nice Christmassy day as a family especially after last year and now I just want to stay in bed.
I just feel a bit sad and deflated.

Nope gonna have to pull you up on this shit. Correlating this type behaviour to neurodiversity is offensive so unless there’s another big drip feed coming don’t do it.

Offensive in what way? My two siblings are autistic so I know the signs.
I wouldn't just say it for the sake of it.
Neurodiversity is a massive part mine and my family's life.

Speaking to you like shit doesn't mean he is neurodiverse, it means he is a shit. Being neurodivergent doesn't mean you treat your spouse like crap

When I say I think he's neurodivergent, obviously there's a lot of other signs. Not just the fact he tells me to F off. It goes a lot deeper than that.
Which I'm not going to go into.

Being neuro divergent doesn't make people swear. I am ND so is my son and ex husband. The way he speaks to you is unacceptable. It sounds like he is starting to show his true colours, it's unfortunate that you are having another baby because I think he is becoming coercive. You need to talk to him calmly about his behaviour and how it makes you feel. If he loves you he will accept that he was unreasonable and has upset you. That's the only way forward if your relationship is going to last.

@Pandasnacks I completely agree with you.
If you knew my partner I think you would understand what I'm saying a bit more.

Telling people to fuck off isn’t a recognised symptom of autism. Does he tell his friends, family, work colleagues, waiters, shop workers, your kids teachers etc to fuck off? I suspect not.

@MrsSlocombesCat I appreciate your comment. No he's always been like this. Gets extremely worked up really quickly and can't cope so will swear/get frustrated. We've been together 7 years. A lot of the time he instantly feels awful.
I still think he's being an arsehole and not condoning the behaviour at all as I think it's out of order.

I'm not ND myself but I work in a school with a number of kids who are. Autism impacts people differently but it doesn't make anyone swear as far as I can see. I did have a couple of kids with tourettes once but they didn't swear either.
I feel for you OP as you have had an unfair hand dealt to you in the last 24 hours but your husband chose to go out without doing clean up so came back to it. That's on him.
And as a lifelong insomniac I ask he slept from 2am to 11am? Seriously that's 9 hours that's around 6 hours more than I get on a bad night and then I get up and go to work. Just saying , as the irritating teenagers say to me.

@BeMintBee I'm not saying it's a recognised symptom of Autism. What I'm saying is, it's a very common thing for him to do if he's slightly frustrated as he can't cope. As for ask if he'd do this with others, he absolutely would.