To be pissed off at dp?

[rainbowbaby2]

So for a bit of context, I'm 22 weeks pregnant with a stinking head cold and have a toddler who's just recovering from croup.
Last night I asked if DP could do bedtime so I could rest which he was fine with. He then went out to meet a friend for a drink at our village pub.
I went downstairs to get a glass of water and the house was an absolute tip. Food left out everywhere, every toy was out. Fine. Was expecting him to come back and do the basics of the cleaning but he decided to stay up until 2am to get it tidy as today we had planned to put our Christmas decs up.
I got up with DS this morning at 6:30am so DP could have a lie in. Feeling rough as anything and still dealing with sickness but you get it done anyway. Now it got to 11am and DP still wasn't awake so we decided to go and wake him up. I took him a nice coffee. He completely snapped at me and said he'd been up all night cleaning and that I don't appreciate him. I said thank you and of course I appreciate it but he knew we had plans today to put up our decs and I didn't ask him to stay up that late knowing we had plans today. DS is so bored and desperate to start. DP is saying we have all afternoon. We don't as he knows we have a few different things planned. AIBU???

Gives you a break when you need it?There’s the problem. You are the default parent and haysfrau.

There is so much wrong here OP it's hard to know where to start. But for today I'd be tempted to take the toddler out for the afternoon and leave him to it

I completely get the sleep thing and that's why I was a bit miffed in the first place and asked if I was being unreasonable. Thank you for being the only person to recognise that!
My brother who is autistic and has ADHD is very similar to my partner.

He may well be ND. But he is also very unpleasant.

Why you are even having another child with this man is a mystery.

If he is treating you like a solo parent, then start to behave like one and stop revolving life around him. When it's time for the Christmas decorations to go away, try to find room somewhere that's easily accessible to you. Not easy I know, but change things round so you are less dependent on a grumpy, ungrateful partner.

@pikkumyy77 I am the stay at home parent, I am happy doing most of it. DP has multiple businesses and is really hard working.
The only reason I felt pissed off this morning is that this has been planned for weeks and I just wanted to do something Christmassy but then he's obviously got shirty because he's tired from staying up late.

Just wondering, is he a bit of a thug type? Please don’t feel you have to answer x

A thug type? In what sense?
This has made me laugh.

He's being an arse. If he'd done it earlier In the evening - and what sort of a mess was it that it took him until 2am ??

I really don't understand all this lying in business. 2am til 10am gives him a more than generous lie-in. If he's got a hangover, tough.

Oh it was a tip, which is why I was upset this morning when he was cross with me for leaving some jam out.

So, did he actually do any tidying up or just go to the pub?

How was the place such a tip though? Did neither of you put anything away throughout the day… you know, clean as you go?
It sounds like you leave all the mess all day and he was to tidy it all up. Maybe that’s why he got pissed when he saw that you had, again, left the jam out to be cleaned up later. Tidy as you go.

Everything else has is doing though; he is a dickhead. Don’t do Xmas today. It’s pretty ruined and won’t be a nice memory. Take your toddler out to do something fun together and have a go a Xmas stuff tomorrow. Then find a time during the week when you’re not both still freshly angry so you can sit down and talk to him about the way he is treating you.

He's not unpleasant but I agree he is being so right now. I'm having another child with him because he's an amazing Dad and partner normally. Any time I want him to and he can he will take DS out so I can have some me time. He took DS out all day yesterday so I could rest and have a day for me. 95% of the time he is a caring and loving partner. He's just like any man. A pain in the arse sometimes.

When I say he talks to me like this quite often, it's if we bicker. He can't cope with arguments so will lash out by swearing, then have some space and be fine again.

Sorry, I meant sort of aggressive in general x

@AgnesX he tidied when he got back, hence staying up until 2am.

I had the day off yesterday. He left me to rest as I'm pregnant and poorly. That's was why it was a tip as DP doesn't tidy as he goes. He completely struggles. He can only deal with what's right in front of him, which was my DS at the time. Then will get a sudden idea to deep clean and then get frustrated if anyone makes a mess after he's tidied. I think he expects it to stay that way forever.

It's just some Jam, I left it out because I knew I'd want more toast in a minute.

@Cattery he's definitely had some anger issues deep rooted from him mum and dad's parenting but I wouldn't say aggressive.

If he genuinely was up during the night cleaning then I don't get why you were pestering him pretty early in the morning. Just do your Dec's after dinner like most people do. They don't take that long.

His anger and outbursts are a separate issue. He needs to tackle that one because your dc will pick up on it.

I agree with this. He had the dc all day yesterday, came back and stayed up until 2am tidying. I'd be doing the decs in the afternoon.

Ah ok. I know what it’s like to have a planned special day spoiled.

It's the getting the down from the loft that takes a while.
I don't see 11am wake up as early.

So what happens when he swears at suppliers / clients/ contractors or anyone else in the world of work? What happens when he swears at shop staff / hospitality staff / traffic wardens or anyone else in daily life?

@Cosyblankets they probably think he's a dick head. I get extremely embarrassed by it.
I know it's not right. He doesn't always do it but if he gets really frustrated he will.
As for work, he's puts on events so a lot of his colleagues pass as friends and know what he can get like.

An 11am wake up isn't early but if he's running 3 businesses, taking care of the kids so you can rest and cleaning the house from top to bottom he clearly pulls his weight and you need to get off his back. If he was some lazy bastard who didn't do anything and just wanted to lie in bed I'd think differently.

The three businesses don't run all year round but I get what you're saying. I just don't get why he decided to stay up until 2am cleaning when he doesn't do any cleaning normally. He knew I had plans for us all today. It's like he's stubborn and doesn't wanna be told what to do so will do his own thing. I don't know. I'm just pregnant, poorly and emotional I wasn't expecting this thread to blow up like it has.

I'd get out of the house with the toddler and maybe go to a cafe for a little lunch, and maybe to a shop to choose a couple of decorations for DS's bedroom? So that it occupies your DS, you get some fresh air, then you can still do something a bit Christmassy with your son?