To think it’s rude to put the tv when you have a guest?

[worriert]

Whenever I go over to a friends house (and she’s done this when me and a mutual friend are there), she’ll say let’s watch an episode of x.

This can be episode 10 of something I don’t watch and have no interest in. Like Love Island.

Like I’ve driven the 40 minutes to see you, not to watch a program I have no interest in and zero idea as to what’s going on.

This contribution is, for me, perfect in that it
illustrates that people are different and hold to different social rules.

"Rudeness" can only ever really exist in the context of socially agreed rules.

It's always interesting, to me, to notice when there are differing rules in play and am always interested in finding out more about different rules, where their come from. Equally to notice the power structures which impose 'the way we do things around here' or at least try to impose their way of doing things on others for whom the rules are different.

So many sources of difference, too. Endlessly fascinating. MN provides ever more examples which keep me engaged.

I do feel sorry for anyone who genuinely thinks that these kind of rules can be universal, they must feel affronted by anyone not playing along while missing out on the interest of understanding the differences.

I think sport is different as you can just leave it on in the background with the sound down , that is what I would do if I was watching cricket when someone dropped by .

Yes. It’s rude.

It's not not rude, it's a cultural difference between families of different kinds of backgrounds. We have a friend who puts the football on (as background noise, still chatting to us) when we visit because that's part of being a considerate host in his culture. If you don't like it maybe suggest meeting at a cafe or other destination rather than at her house?

It was still rude before streaming.

And rude before video recorders.

In my (MC English) culture that is

Yes that’s wierd. Different if you were kids but as adults I’d be very surprised (and bored) if someone did that.

It might be related to her Autism (though many people with Autism I know, don't like the sensory overload of having both the TV and people having conversations) but it isn't an age thing.
None of the (many) young people I know in their 20s have the TV on if not watching it.

Good idea.

I think its ok if its a casual visit and you are round all the time, or if the object of the visit is to watch something together but otherwise....yep, rude.
Although this time of year I do sometimes leave the tv on one of those crackling fire scenes coz I dont have a fireplace and it looks christmassy!

Can you point me to one of those scenes please. Last time I looked I couldn't find one.

I don't find it rude at all unless you came to talk about something important and the TV being on is distracting or your friend isn't paying attention. Then the tv shouldn't be on as it's rude to deliberately not pay attention.

I always found the TV on as a form of entertainment when the visit is casual and you're all just there to have idle chatter. The TV provides another form of something to do when the conversation lulls, then whatever is happening on the telly brings up a new topic you can discuss, or in the middle of watching, someone remembers something else and you chat about it while the tv is on still (probably with volume lowered enough to hear each other).

I hate forced conversations and that is what usually happens with guests and no other form of entertainment (it could be games or tv). People just drone on about one random boring gossip or the other or talk about the weather just to feel like they're talking.

Perhaps your friend enjoys TV watching sessions with her friends. You can suggest something else to watch (it doesn't have to be what she chooses) or stop going to her home if you don't like her idea of entertaining guests or find a way to be a more of an interesting guest yourself with engaging topics so she doesn't feel the need to fill up the boring space with TV entertainment.

See, I find this quite sad, and just a difference of expectations. She was expecting to just ‘hang out’ with a close friend and do normal stuff as she’d do with family, whereas you were expecting to be ‘hosted’. I don’t think either of you were wrong.

Really? Quite odd you would be offended by this since they are your actual parents, they were just treating you as part of the family surely?

I'd find it rude. It's basically saying, "You're boring, I don't want to talk to you, I'd rather watch this programme and I don't care if you are interested in it or not." And it's not even like the people who have it on all the time in the background (which I also find rude) - this is worse as she's making a decision to switch it on and she's choosing what she's going to watch.

Surely you'd just say "No, I don't fancy watching TV, let's do X instead?" rather than getting offended

Which culture is that and what do they do if no football matches are being played?

I'm in the having the TV on with guests is rude camp, I can see that for a sporting event there might be an exception but why as background, surely the point is to watch the play

So if everyone is watching the TV & I’m not interested in the programme, is it then rude for me to go on my phone instead?

We weren't close friends. I expected the person who'd invited me round to give me some attention eg make conversation.

It's rude in my book. As @HeddaGarbled says, I think it's variable with class, oddly. In my middle class upbringing we would turn on to watch a specific programme then turn off. If a friend was round and we wanted to watch that programme, we'd tape it for later. I was amazed when I went to university and friends had it on constantly playing daytime TV or Friends reruns on DVD. The indulgence went to my head a bit and I had it on a lot more when living alone just for the company. Now I have my own children it's on only whilst being actively watched with time limits.
I have a couple of friends who just leave it on This Morning etc when I visit and I find it so distracting. I can't help myself trying to watch. I'd never say anything though, but I suggest meeting at mine or out more.

I visit a friend every week. The television is always on, sometimes muted, sometimes not, always on the same channel and often the same programme. When the episode has finished, she runs it back and we sit through it again (and sometimes yet again).

It annoys me and yes, i suppose it is rude. When we have visitors, the television goes off.

When my mum does that I just go home. I'm busy so I don't want to waste time sat in silence whilst the person I visit is glued to the Tv. I find it so strange. Surely watching tv is something you do when you are bored and on your own rather than when you have visitors. Unless of course you are watching a film or a program together and that's what you have both decided to do.
My mum will put the tv on full blast and ignore everyone. I find it bizarre as she does like having visitors but why bother just to ignore them. I have mentioned it but the answer is tough luck she is watching her program

When the episode has finished, she runs it back and we sit through it again (and sometimes yet again).

How strange. I'd have to say 'thanks for having me, but I better go.'

There are people for whom NOT having the television on is a faux pas. For example, one morning at my last workplace, I was sitting in the crew room savouring the peace and quiet. Presently half a dozen of my colleagues walk in, most of whom sit down straight away and get their phones out. The other one says, 'Let's get the telly on', does so then sits down and also starts farting around with his phone. The television didn't get a second glance. Silly bugger.

I was quite put out, honestly. If I wanted to watch television I'd have stayed at home. If I hadn't already agreed to stay the night and drunk two glasses of wine I'd have driven home. That was one of just two occasions I stopped there for an evening in twenty years.