Change name

[beachcitygirl]

Long story short. Ex husband has asked me to change my name as new wife doesn't like me being Mrs blah blah.
I've said no.
We were married nearly 20 years both kids are our name.

I truly don't mind there being another Mrs blah blah .but am I the arse by keeping the name I've used for years. Known professionally as & name of my kids.

Aware this has probably been discussed before but can't find. C

This. I was never going to change my name and have been married 25 years. Women in many countries don't. Most women I know didn't. It really isn't an issue having a different name from your child/ren.

PeloMom · 29/11/2024 05:33

He can change his name to hers to make her happy. Problem solved

That's the best and most practical answer, so far.

Except it is - travelling internationally if you have a different name to your children can be problematic.

Plus many women want the same names as their children, it’s an important sense of shared identity.

Don’t change it if you don’t want to. I would want the same name as my children.

If the new Mrs Prat doesn’t like it, tough. She could always go double-barreled to distinguish herself from you, if that’s important to her.

So...don't change your name and don't give the kids their father's name. Giving them yours or both surnames is an option.

Sorry, but I agree with him. I get you don't want to change it as it's the same as DC but it's his name. It's yours by marriage which isn't the same.
My children have my name (mum) so I'd never be in this situation. I think the suggestion of double barrelling your DC name is a good compromise. However I think all children's names should be double barrelled if both parents are bothered enough.
And for you professionally... that's the hassle you create by changing your name on everything. I'm not married and never will but even if I did I wouldn't change my name.

Ex husband has asked me to change my name as new wife doesn't like me being Mrs blah blah.

She needs to get a bloody grip. I wouldn't entertain this at all.

Obviously some people do change their names back, which I fine. I mean I wouldn't consider it for this reason.

Ridiculous, isn't it. Along with the constant use of the term 'maiden name'. Do men have the equivalent I wonder? A bachelor name?

And if they're bothered, suggest they both use her original name instead of her changing to his. It's not on you to change for their comfort.

Say ok, but only if the kids now adopt my maiden name as surname. Given we are no longer married. Just ignore him.

OP, when I remarried, my children were less than enthusiastic, and one of the reasons was that they didn’t want me to have a different name from them. So I told this to my then DP, who said no problem: just keep your married name that is the same as the children’s and don’t take my name. Which is what I did. (He finds it irritating to be addressed as Mr first husband’s surname, which does happen on occasion, but fortunately for me he’s eminently reasonable and gets over it!). Tell your ex-DH that it is YOUR name and that you have no intention of changing it - quite apart from anything else, it’s a hassle to change bank accounts and passport.

This is not the situation OP has described.

I don't care for the name changing custom either, but a surname belongs equally to everyone who uses it. Having engaged in one objectively sexist custom doesn't obligate you to inconvenience yourself because someone else has decided you need to, in order for them to do the objectively sexist custom in the way they want to.

Shouldn’t be an issue for men then. Never understood why the person risking their life to grow and birth them shouldn’t get the naming credit!

This is most definitely the answer!

No. It isn’t.

The post was a response to “Plus many women want the same names as their children, it’s an important sense of shared identity.”.

In the post I quoted.

Wanting the same name as your child does not have to mean changing your surname to the father’s surname.

I was responding to the OP! She already has changed her surname. What aren’t you understanding here?

No, you’re not being unreasonable. Him having a new wife doesn’t stop it being your family name now. His new wife is being a child.
Besides, it’s just a bloody name!

@ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat

I think the theory is that you virtually always know who your mother is, but not your father. So, giving the child the father's name was traditionally a way of identifying who the father is and therefore his responsibility to the child.

Obviously, things are very different now but I was happy for DS to have DH's name for those reasons. I kept my name but DS has it as a middle name. We didn't double-barrel as it would be a right mouthful!