Change name

[beachcitygirl]

Long story short. Ex husband has asked me to change my name as new wife doesn't like me being Mrs blah blah.
I've said no.
We were married nearly 20 years both kids are our name.

I truly don't mind there being another Mrs blah blah .but am I the arse by keeping the name I've used for years. Known professionally as & name of my kids.

Aware this has probably been discussed before but can't find. C

I suppose there are few reasonable exs in the world.

Ha, this is really a cultural difference....
In France the name "reverts back to the man" on divorce (ie he can impose what he's asking OP).

@renthead well I can't say what it is obviously but it's not her name that's ridiculous it's the way they've double barrelled it and it sounds like how you might describe a vicious vegetable

My df's new dw didn't like it either.. But she didn't like the fact he had a dc either... Tell them to get to fuck.

It's not his name! It's a name, that is now your name along with plenty of other people.... and it's been yours for 20+ years... so No, don't change it is you don't want to.

Surely it couldn't have come as a surprise to her that there is another MrsExHusband in existence. Is she also bothered by hundreds of other women who carry the same surname by the virtue of chance? Or does she think that you changing your name is going to erase 20 years of marriage? Whichever way I spin it, I cannot come up with a reasonable explanation for this request.

Absolutely not. It's your name now.

This is what's wrong with the expectation that women will change their name. Stupid men who think that the name belongs to them and they can impose it or take it away.

One of my ex in-laws wanted me to change my name after the divorce. I kept it for another couple of years just to irritate them before changing to something of my choosing. It really did irritate them too 😉

Absolutely not!
I married my ex-husband quite young and so all my professional qualifications and professional history are in my "married" name. I really didn't like the surname I had at birth so was quite happy to change it.
The kids have the same name too.
No way would I change it!! I've been Mrs Fruitj for pretty much all my adult life and over half my actual life. It's my name now and I'm not changing.
I have changed my title to Ms in various places but I'm keeping the name.
Luckily my ex is reasonable.

So demure…….

My DH’s ex asked me if I minded her keeping the surname when we married. I don’t think she was offering to change even if I’d said yes!

Madness. Poor her she’s so insecure. It’s your name, he didn’t lend it to you.

I came to post the exact same thing. His choice.

Your name is nothing to do with her.

The cheek of him!

She doesn’t need to change her name at all.

He can change his name to hers if they want to share a name.

How dare he suggest that YOU change your name and do a whole heap of admin, become anonymous professionally and sever the name link with your kids. What an arse. These bloody men.

Mr and Mrs Cross-Carrott ?

Yep or she can just keep her name & him his. If she wants to be like you & be Mrs blah blah, that's her choice. She has choices. Fair enough to ask you, but also fair enough for you to say no.

if the kids are ok with changing their names id say ok if he does all the work to get the kids name changed to my maiden name then I'd change mine.

He won't want that, so ask him why you should have a different name to your kids?!?!

but 'no' is ok too, after 20 years of being Mrs Blah Blah it's who you are.

if sharing a name is too much for her, she might need to have therapy over what else she is now sharing that was 'yours' 🤣 Daft cow.

Why should the OP have to compromise with anyone, least of all a woman she doesn't even have a relationship with, about what she calls herself?

I'm a second wife. Do I love that the ex wife has the same surname? No. Would I ever expect her to change it, and go as far as actually asking her to do so? Absolutely not. It's all part and parcel of second marriages, not ideal but it is what it is. They are incredibly entitled to think they can even make this request to you!

I can't even believe how often this comes up as a request from the ex-DH's new wife.

It's fascinating to me anyone could feel they can order a person who is a complete stranger to them to do something like this.

Savage-Bean?

Angry-Aubergine?

Bully-Pepper

Unless he is the only person in the world with that last name surely there are many, many other Mrs Whatevers out there anyway?

He can't dictate what you do with your name now any more than he could when you got married.

I'm a second wife.
Wife #1 changed her surname but I never have. OH found it mildly entertaining that his first wife was using his surname but his current wife wasn't.

My ex's first wife changed her name back to her maiden name when they got divorced, but it wouldn't have bothered me if she hadn't. I'm now divorced from him and have kept the name - my maiden name was horrible, and also my estranged dad's name, and it's far too much effort with paperwork to change it again.

When we first got married and people called me Mrs Username it made me think of my MIL anyway, rather than what his ex would have been called.