To walk to nursery with two toddlers in the cold?

[Chillyoutthere]

I like to walk to pre-school/nursery with my 3 and 1 year old children whenever possible. I enjoy it, I think they enjoy it, and I believe it’s better for us all to be outdoors instead of in a car.

The walk is about 25 minutes to pre-school, and then a further 15 minutes to nursery with a buggy and buggy board. Sometimes my husband will take one child and I’ll take the other (older one scoots in this scenario), which makes each journey about 20-25 minutes. Traffic is awful so it’s only about 5 minutes quicker in the car.

Obviously, it’s getting colder, which is leading lots of input from my MIL regarding our commute. She feels very strongly that it’s bad for kids to be outside in the cold (1C this morning). I am being told / texted multiple times a day that they will get ill, this is bad parenting and that I am selfish.

I disagree. I was brought up to believe that there’s no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothes! Both kids were both wearing hats, gloves and snowsuits this morning.

So, dare I ask… AIBU?

I can't imagine anyone in their right mind would say it's bad

Being cold doesn't make you ill. Cosytoes on the buggy, good coats and possible fleece lined waterproof trousers on the older one, you stay warm by walking! Much more interesting journey for the kids and good exercise for you. Goid for the environment and setting a good example.

Get your husband to tell MIL to leave you alone!

I walk my dog every day for about 1h30, and I always have my 2nd baby with me (in a carrier or buggy) rain, snow or sunshine, and I did the same when my 1st was a baby. It's plenty of fresh air, day light (plus movement for your toddler) - all the good stuff!
My mom is the same though, and she always comments on the cold ("baby is going to get ill", "are you sure they've got enough clothes on", "oh, his hands are freezing", ...) and it used to get on my nerves. One day I asked her what she was so scared of, and she told me that my brother (who was a December baby, born 40 odd years ago) got really bad bronchiolitis and she was really scared to lose him. 😭 One of the great grandparents also lost their baby at 6mo from pneumonia, so that story marked the whole family.
Your MIL might not mean it as a criticism but maybe from her own fear?

"Being stuck in traffic is warmer but way less fun. This is what gloves were invented for. Xx"

Is your reply every time she's sends you a message about it.

Don't change it. Just send again. And again.

She'll drop it eventually, no one can withstand 100% repeat of simple message. 🤣

How does she think children get to nurseries/school in those countries that are actually cold? As long as your kids wear appropriate clothing you should definitely keep walking. Tell her she had her chance to raise and parent her own kids at the time and you make your own decisions as your kids' parent.

Would it help to say that it contributes to their 3 hours of movement a day that they need to keep them fit and healthy?

My husband is from southern Europe and we often have similar discussions. He's always panicking about me taking DD swimming (inside!) when it's cold outside and then getting the tram home. It can be 15 degrees outside and he still wants me to put a woolly hat on her because she has wet hair.

I had to walk my toddlers eveywhere, whatever the weather,

As long as you dress them properly, no child ever died of it being cold. 🤷‍♀️

It’s funny you say this. My 4 year olds scoot to school every day unless it is really raining. Every week DM suggests driving us, which after the traffic and faff of parking near a school street, takes just as long. I would much rather wrap up warm and get them outside!

Is she turns up as you're setting off again... Make her come with you and join in the fun. 😁😁

She'll know all the words to The Grand old Duke of York before 9am 🤣🤣

I always walked a similar distance to mine. I don't have a car. I would wrap them up and half the time they would take their clothes off. Cold doesn't make you ill ! It means my 10 and 13-year-olds are great and happy walkers. The 13 year old now chooses to do a 40-minute walk to school. People offer her lifts, but she doesn't want them. Scandi countries put babies outside to sleep - check out any school playground this time of year kids running around not a coat in sight in freezing temperatures.

I'd remind your MIL that some of the healthiest babies grow up in countries where prams are placed outdoors in the fresh air for nap time, even in the snow!!

Fresh air is great for kids and less likely to get ill!! Better than stuffy cars.

Tell your MIL she is welcome to walk with you!

Not do them button of harm to.walk somewhere long as they r dressed appropriately some people would take car to their next door neighbour if they thought they could get away with it

😂 I’m in a cold country and we’re outside even when it’s -20. And they sleep outside at nursery.

Besides, they are your children so why do you care what she thinks.

I used to walk my dc1 to school with dc2 in pram/carrier, and (delighted) dog along with us too... Through the woods, along the stream and arrive at the back gate.

Along the way I would pass another mum who set off at the same time as me, loading her kids into the large 4 wheel drive car to join the bumper to bumper queue of cars (1/4 mile away from school gate) battling for space through a congested junction.

We arrived pink cheeked and bright eyed having seen stoats, birds, paddled in puddles, picked up beautiful leaves, noticed the flower buds, marveled at the power of the stream after a big rainfall, made footprints in snow etc etc (many wholesome worthy examples 🤣). wellies all covered in mud (changed shoes at school).

Arriving simultaneously would be the other mum, no quicker for her car use... but her stunning very long hair and aspirational shoes were immaculate, her children spotless.

We each thought the other mad as a box frogs. 👀😎🤣🙃

We are not UK but here it snows and is often under -10 oC in winter. It is mandatory for daycare kids to be outside at least two hours a day unless temps too severe (around -20!). . Obviously in appropriate clothing!

Definitely side with you on this one OP!

The pollution insude cars is worse than outside, tell her that - its far better not to ferry kids around in a car if it can be avoided

Same here. Not mandatory, but we’re outside 2-6 hours a day. We even eat outside some days. It’s dark in the afternoons but we have strong lights so it’s fine.

DH needs to tell MIL to butt out

It sounds like an element of control. She wanted to give them a lift and wasn't happy you declined. So pulled the "you're such a selfish, bad mother" card, trying to guilt trip you in to accepting her drop them off and she gets her way. Guilt tripping and manipulating you in to believing you are a terrible mother for making the poor wee souls walk.

Haha I love this! My singing would be enough to convince anyone to keep their distance!

This is also a good idea…

I’m with you (obviously!) - neighbour a few doors down sets off to the same school in her massive car every morning and we both clearly think the other is missing a trick! 😂

Your MIL would hate me. I have a toddler and a greyhound who needs walking whatever the weather! Toddler has a very warm snowsuit and wellies and we get on with it. It's fine.

Oh my goodness, you have my sympathies and solidarity!! We are up against the same genre of heated people!

This is why I’m struggling to get much of an intervention from my husband. He (not very) deep down fully agrees with her. Lets me get on with it out of resignation more than acceptance after many years!

He says that he can’t challenge her insistence on helping because the fear of the cold is genetic. He might be onto something. When my family joined his for Christmas and all insisted on the usual post-dinner walk in minus temperatures, her mind was genuinely blown. I think she’d been hoping from more support from them in discouraging me from walking thousands of steps a day with the (then) baby wrapped up snug in a sling. 😂😂

I will use some of the gentle methods of push-back you’ve all suggested. I’ve asked DH to stress, again, to MIL that she’s killing me with kindness. She is generally lovely and the kind of person who would do anything to help others. She’s not malicious at all. Just has a very, very, very different and unshakeable sense of… temperature.

No such thing as bad weather, just poor clothing choices - my Swedish friend 🤭