AIBU my partner goes on holiday with his mum

[HannahXlouise]

Hello,
am I being unreasonable thinking it’s strange my partner goes on holiday with his mum.
so for a little background my partner and myself have a 3M baby, whom was unplanned and neither my partner or his family took well to at the beginning. Now things has done a 360 and they have became extremely overbearing and intrusive. There have been many many discussions on boundaries as I would only see them once every few months before I got pregnant to (especially his mother) wanting to see me and baby a few times a week. There have also been many hurtful and nasty comments made to me and I feel my newborn bubble was absolutely ruined with stress caused by his mother and my partner not wanting to fall out with his mum so told me constantly I had to deal with things and not to disappoint his family. My boundaries were no visits late in the evening, and no kissing baby during flu season, also no hurtful comments (shouldn’t be a boundary anyway but it is)🤷🏼‍♀️
I feel like I’m not in a relationship with my partner but in a relationship with his mum too, anytime she calls up angry or crying that things haven’t gone her way or that she feels out of control, my partner runs after her and will leave me for half the day and the whole evening, when I could do with help getting baby down to instead see her and comfort her. I understand it’s his mother but I feel like I’m constantly not a priority and he doesn’t see me and our baby as his family. I am made to be the villain and bad guy if I try to get him to see things from my point of view.
Anyway he casually tells me when I asked him what we should get his mum for a birthday gift that he’s getting her something big this year, he’s taking her for a holiday, just themselves. At first I thought it was sweet and he’d be taking both his parents but when I found out it was just his mum I just thought it was odd. When I was pregnant he had a few separate weekends away with his pals and he would also go for many nights out as I thought he deserved a break. He doesn’t take me on holidays that I don’t contribute half too and is very tight with money so I was stunned he would do that. I also feel that he feels super guilty that his mum isn’t happy about boundaries and I am made to feel that it’s my fault that a few fall outs have happened when they have been about nasty comments being made 🤷🏼‍♀️ he also goes for dinner himself with her ect ect I just find it a bit strange.

Two issues.

Firstly I sense you wouldn't mind if he were doing these things with his Dad or if this were you and your mOm, just that it's the opposite sex thing. That's ridiculous. You have a little boy, surely you hope you guys can go out for dinner together once he's an adult or he'd consider taking you away for a holiday? They're not spooning on a single bed and spoon feeding each other Fgs

However I agree with a pp, he doesn't sound like a partner. Do you love him? Would you be together if it weren't for baby? It's ok to not be with him and come to an arrangement re the baby.

My husband took his Mom to the coast for a long weekend for her 70th. Why is that odd? Would it be ok if it had been his Dad? Except his Dad died 5 years ago. Or if it was her daughter? Except she only has sons. So she shouldn't be allowed a close relationship with her kids cos her husband's sperms were generationally high rate for boys?

He's a loser and a mummy's boy. Throw him back or this situation will make you ill. You need all your strength for yourself and your baby. x

Sexual rivalry

And then people are shocked when there is a post by someone who finds it "unbearable" that she is pregnant with a boy.

Ok you’ve taken this too far.

Of course it’s unusual to take a holiday 3 months in, yes it happens and fathers often have to work away etc but on the whole it’s better if they are keen to be around and help. Rather than fucking off to their mother at every opportunity.

I doubt there are many instances of mothers leaving a baby for a week to holiday with their mother. There will be some. Or mothers who work away. But it’s not normal.

@SallyWD I would be suspicious of any man that didn't have a good relationship with his mother tbh unless there was some genuinely good reason for it. That said, there is a difference between a man that loves and appreciates his mother, and a man that prioritises his mother over his wife/children and does not protect his family from his mother's neurotic behaviour.

If my DH's mum called him up crying and ranting because I had asked that she didn't come to the house late in the evening to see the baby and didn't kiss the baby during flu season, he would tell her that we are perfectly entitled to set some healthy boundaries as a family just as she did when she was a mother to young children. He would also remind her that she was loved and welcome to visit at any other time.

Many mothers in the rest of the world have to work away from their babies from a young age. It could be just going back to your 9-5 when your baby is 6 weeks old in America. Or it could be leaving your baby with your parents in your rural village while you work in the city in SE Asia.

You’re a single parent being emotionally bullied by your “partner” and his family. It’s not the fact he’s going on holiday as such it’s the fact he’d never consider you important enough to do the same for you. That’s the odd bit, not necessarily the spending time with his mum. He doesn’t support you and literally drops you and your baby to sort out his mums strops. I’d be out of there before he could download his boarding pass, you’ve probably got years of this to come.

You’ve hit the nail on its head!
It’s not the holiday with his mum it’s with everything else that’s went on, the fact he runs to her at any moment. It’s a respect thing than anything else, the fact he didn’t tell me he was going to do that in the next couple of weeks until I asked? the fact he will never give her a consequence no matter how she or his family treat me.

You deserve some respect from him and I don’t think you’re gonna get it I would seriously look at your options

You're a single parent. Get rid of the pathetic melt

I am very close to my sons who are still teenagers but in the future I wouldn't be very impressed if one of them wanted to go on holiday with me leaving their partner and 3 month old baby. I'm a single parent so have coped alone with my children but it's a bit inconsiderate if you are supposedly in a relationship to think that was a good time to go without checking first and also checking there was something in the diary for them as a family as well. It sounds like he doesn't think they are a family and is just there for the baby so that's why he isn't behaving well.

Yep, this.

Well I would take my mum away on holiday just us, so no, that on its own isn’t weird or unusual. But i think you know you have much bigger problems here.

i couldn’t have put it better myself.

definitely “undercooked” 🤣🤣🤣

See I went backpacking with my son as a 21st birthday present to him. Didn't take his long term girlfriend though. There wZ no issues

I think it's sad that some people can't get their heads around why a son would go on a trip with his Mother. Some people actually enjoy the company of their adult kids and vice versa. I go on trips with my son sometimes at other times my daughter. I see no difference.

OP, I think for your relationship to work your DP needs to show you consideration too. It's great that he's taking his Mum away but he should obviously be making time for a holiday for you and baby too.

Did your DS have a 3 month old baby at the time? No, im guessing not. Did your DS flounce off on a weeks holiday without consulting the mother of his children first to make sure she would be ok, that she didnt also have plans herself, that someone would be there to look after his DC whilst hes gone? No, im guessing not. There's nothing wrong with holidaying with adult DC, but your situation is nothing like the OPs. A partnership means we check in with eachother on things like holidays or nights out so that we dont inconvenience eachother. Mums dont get to book a week away without making sure she has childcare first.

The reply was to someone who always invites their DCs partners. Not necessarily the OP. And the thread is asking is it weird for a guy to go on holiday with his mother

As for the OP. It does seem she took it o.n herself to have a baby that the father didn't want so surely he's not likely to be Dad if the year. And if it wasn't for the child they probably wouldn't be in a relationship at all. Saw a few of my mates have babies in their teens/early 20s against the guys wishes. They were ALL single parents by time the kids reached a year old

FFS don't be ridiculous 🙄

Now that he is a father, his main focus should be on his partner and child. It would be nice to take his mother away WITH THEM for a holiday but in no sane world does he go on holiday and leave his new baby and partner at home. WTAF are MNers who think its ok on? He is a man now, not a child, and needs to grow up. I think that is the main problem here: his mum is still his top priority and you OP are second best. I would not stand for it. Take yourself and your baby out of the equation and leave them to it. In fact, I would probably change the locks while they are away on the holiday. [ps I have two college age sons and in the future, I would never tolerate them taking me away and leaving their partner and child behind. Disrespectful and immature to the extreme.]

Go on holiday with your parents or friends

As it does for most people!
I love my sons very much but I also want them to have a closer relationship with their life partner than they do with me.

What a very odd thing to even think!