AIBU my partner goes on holiday with his mum

[HannahXlouise]

Hello,
am I being unreasonable thinking it’s strange my partner goes on holiday with his mum.
so for a little background my partner and myself have a 3M baby, whom was unplanned and neither my partner or his family took well to at the beginning. Now things has done a 360 and they have became extremely overbearing and intrusive. There have been many many discussions on boundaries as I would only see them once every few months before I got pregnant to (especially his mother) wanting to see me and baby a few times a week. There have also been many hurtful and nasty comments made to me and I feel my newborn bubble was absolutely ruined with stress caused by his mother and my partner not wanting to fall out with his mum so told me constantly I had to deal with things and not to disappoint his family. My boundaries were no visits late in the evening, and no kissing baby during flu season, also no hurtful comments (shouldn’t be a boundary anyway but it is)🤷🏼‍♀️
I feel like I’m not in a relationship with my partner but in a relationship with his mum too, anytime she calls up angry or crying that things haven’t gone her way or that she feels out of control, my partner runs after her and will leave me for half the day and the whole evening, when I could do with help getting baby down to instead see her and comfort her. I understand it’s his mother but I feel like I’m constantly not a priority and he doesn’t see me and our baby as his family. I am made to be the villain and bad guy if I try to get him to see things from my point of view.
Anyway he casually tells me when I asked him what we should get his mum for a birthday gift that he’s getting her something big this year, he’s taking her for a holiday, just themselves. At first I thought it was sweet and he’d be taking both his parents but when I found out it was just his mum I just thought it was odd. When I was pregnant he had a few separate weekends away with his pals and he would also go for many nights out as I thought he deserved a break. He doesn’t take me on holidays that I don’t contribute half too and is very tight with money so I was stunned he would do that. I also feel that he feels super guilty that his mum isn’t happy about boundaries and I am made to feel that it’s my fault that a few fall outs have happened when they have been about nasty comments being made 🤷🏼‍♀️ he also goes for dinner himself with her ect ect I just find it a bit strange.

ridiculous! are you being deliberately obtuse 😂

What's ridiculous is that you can't abide your partner's to have close familial relationships without feeling sexually threatened by his female relatives. I'd get some counselling.

Did your father used to take you on "daddy dates" and things like that?

what on earth is sexual about going on holiday with your mummy?

I don’t see an issue with him going on holiday with his mum per se.

It’s the general pattern of behaviour as a whole though isn’t it? As a one off thing, no probs. Combined with his other childlike ways it becomes quite an issue.

I honestly would be making plans to parent alone because I don’t think this manchild will be reliable for you long term.

We found the mother! 😂 Run, OP!

So you would be concerned about it then? Nor would you accept it if you were the OP?

Several if you have said that now he has a partner, he shouldn't need to go away with his mum. There have been several comments that insinuate his partner has taken the place his mother once had. Or should have. That implies that mother and female partner are interchangeable. Which is sick.

I'd be concerned that he wouldn't go away with me. Whether or not he goes away with his mother would be irrelevant other than perhaps showing that he isn't scared to fly, or of hotels, or foreign languages, or whatever. He just doesn't like me.

should we assume you have sons then @ByGentleFatball 😂

Have one of each. I intend to go away with both of them on occasion, until I can't any more. That's normal in my family where we don't have sexual rivalry with our partner's parents. It's honestly a nicer life when you're not worried that your partner is a romantic companion of their mother and can be okay with them having a relationship away from you.

Nope, I wouldn’t. I’d be so exhausted without that couple of hours in the evening that dh helped for that I wouldn’t remember my own name at that stage.

:-/

Anyway op, you don’t have a partner. You know a man who you happened to conceive a baby with. Time to start crafting your and your child’s real life, and I think it would be better without hoping this man starts to support you

it is absolutely nothing to do with "sexual rivalry with our partner's parents" @ByGentleFatball can you not see that?

If you think your partner shouldn't need to do things like holidays with his mum because he has you, then yes, you see her as a sexual and romantic rival. No 2 ways about it.

😂

And it's weird as fuck.

You can laugh but imagine if someone said "my partner doesn't need to go for drinks with friends, he has me", it would be clear that they feel the relationship should relace any need for friends. Why would it be different when you say they shouldn't need to holiday with their mother because they have me?

It really is a worrying stance.

Says the person worried that their partner might desire their mother more than they do them.

timing is all my dear wrt to the OP @ByGentleFatball

DESIRE??????

He's not? He's not sharing a bed with her

sometimes I despair of mumsnet. Seriously??? WTAF? No it’s not normal for an engaged father to go on an optional holiday when they have a 3 month old baby. I would have coped just fine if my husband did that - in fact my husband went away for ten days when my kids were 2 and three months for a mandatory training course. But he missed us all desperately and felt bad leaving me to shoulder the burden. It’s not about coping it’s about the fact that it’s fucking weird to want to leave your partner and 3 month old bang for a week. Seriously your bar is too low if you think this is ok.

??