Called a dirty little bitch

[ForAvidQuail]

Unfortunately today I was called this right in front of my 2 year old after going through a nightmare day . I’m obviously leaving him but he called me a dirty little bitch I’m not dirty my house is spotless I’m clean and he lives in it I just don’t get why anyone would say that ??

I am a divorce lawyer. are you married? It makes a difference re your rights. If married: 1. move out with the kids 2. obtain an injunction and an occupation order 3. he will have to move out 4. move back in 5 change the locks

Op you’re taking his comment about being dirty far too seriously. He’s an abuser and this is what they do to keep you in check and make you feel inferior. His comments will only exist in your head if you allow them to. Just laugh them off and act unbothered by them and subtly let him know you can see through him and you see him for what he is. Knowing how these type of people are he probably isn’t going to go without a fight. He will then try to come back into your life begging you for another chance. Don’t do it because once you take him back the abuse will escalate.

Sure he sounds like an idiot and goodness knows why the op is with him but how on earth do you know all this?

This is bizarre

Because I have a friend in a very similar situation, he'll pick on an insult he knows will hurt most I expect. The fact OP said he's always verbally abusing her, but she cares about being called dirty, so much more than other abuse. She's bleached her hands. I just read OPs replies...

It’s not the OP’s fault that some twat managed to find the most hurtful insult

OP, if you have three children with you then I will assume you have a two or maybe three bedroom council place? The council won't want him staying there on his own as it's too big for his needs if you all leave. Usually larger properties are harder to come by, so it would be much more difficult for them to re home you and the children if you present yourself as homeless. Can you speak with the council and ask them what your options are in the event of a split?

Do you have OCD? I think he called you a dirty little bitch because you are not, but he wanted to hurt you. You should not use bleach on your skin, it is a very strong chemical, (often over used IMO).

Please listen to the advice here carefully - these people want to help you get rid of him in the safest way possible for you and your children. I understand that, having made your decision, you want to take action quickly, but sometimes that isn’t the best idea.

Please take care.

What a load of victim blaming tripe. What was she meant to do, stuff the words back into his mouth as he spoke?

He made a choice to be abusive, theres no 'letting' about it.

Please listen to this advice!

Nope, comtinuing to expose them to emotionally abuse will destroy them. Leaving will make them unhappy for a short timr. Leaving is protecting them.

It sounds like some people's real life to me.

Sounds like the kind of thing a man I once knew would say to belittle his woman. Best thing to say is 'Not in front of the child and control yourself. You are letting yourself down'. Then seriously think if this man is the one you want to insult you for the rest of your life because as he gets older and indeed into old age, it will only get worse.

This

Also you need to realise that you are being abused.

Telling you you’re dirty is a tactic to upset you and to prevent you from seeing what is actually going on. It sounds like there is a pattern of similar behaviour .
Of course you’re not dirty.
Of course he knows that !

But you’re so hung up on that comment that you’re not seeing the bigger picture. That’s what he wants.

Speak to Women’s Aid
Get free legal advice from Rights of Women.org

Because he's a dick! It's nothing to do with you. I'm sure you're not the first woman he's said that to.

Absolutely because he is an abusive shit, he knows this is where his dig would hurt the most. Do not give that any head space, put all energy into creating a happy new home for you and children

I wonder if him throwing you this insult is actually a good thing, in the sense that it's so ridiculously untrue, it's made you realise that all his insults are just made up to get at you, which means they are all utterly meaningless.

I had a boyfriend for a while, who, from maybe 6 months in, started insulting me, but initially the insults were things that could kind of be true eg. telling me I was a useless cook (said in a really nasty way, not as a joke) - I hate cooking, so just vaguely thought it wasn't a very nice thing to say, but probably true. But then one day, he called me "thick" (in amongst a torrent of why I was so thick & stupid), which I very definitely am not, and in one fell swoop I realised all his insults had no meaning. I ditched him pretty quickly after that.

I’d be surprised if dirty was a comment on your housekeeping.

If this real, he is a disgusting pig and there is absolutely no reason for talking to you like that.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Well done for getting a plan to leave. Like others have said please go and see someone from housing, they will have links with the police and domestic violence services and children's social care who will be able to support you/help you get a plan in place.

I'd also see your GP to get it recorded there the impact the abuse is having on your mental health.

You are not alone and are stronger than you think. You will be so much better without him, i know how hard it is to see that when you're in the thick of it all though.

So sorry you're having to deal with this prick OP. First thing to do today is contact the council and tell them you are a victim of domestic abuse. If you have a joint tenancy you can apply for an occupation order very quickly to get him out and have the tenancy transferred to your name only. I'd also apply for a non molestation order too. CAB or Women's Aid will also be able to help.

See this as the start of a new life for you and your children. You can do this.

Insults aren't literally true or real. I imagine he's been calling you a lot of things over the years that you've believed to be true. But this proves he's just showing our words to hurt you, all those other things haven't been true or based on truth either.

This is a turning point for you to see that you are worth watching more than he treats you 💐

I would take dirty in a sexual way rather than a 'how clean is your house' way. It's meaningless either way though because it's just said to put you down and let you know your place. And now you know your place - it's anywhere where he isn't.

@ForAvidQuail try not to listen to the "noise" on this thread , please see today as the start of getting help. Do it for yourself and children