Called a dirty little bitch

[ForAvidQuail]

Unfortunately today I was called this right in front of my 2 year old after going through a nightmare day . I’m obviously leaving him but he called me a dirty little bitch I’m not dirty my house is spotless I’m clean and he lives in it I just don’t get why anyone would say that ??

He wont go quietly. You know that.

Dont do anything tonight, please.

A man this bad will not do anything easily. Sometimes you need to play the long game and this one of those times. You know what is in his fucked up head but he doesnt know whats in yours, so keep that safe. As I said above, if he even gets a thought that you might leave, it will all go to hell. Womens Aid are open now, keep your phone on you at all times and dont be afraid to call 999 he if starts threatening you.

He sounds absolutely awful.

What's your financial situation? Was it originally your home? Do you work? We need to find a way you can make this work.

Probably because of fear and being beaten down for so long to the point where she believed him when he said that no one else would want her and that she wouldnt manage without him.

And dont say that you would never put up with that unless you have walked a mile in her shoes. You know a woman who is being abused, right now, tonight, you know her. You just dont know that she is being abused and is too scared and beaten down to do anything about it.

https://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/

I fear for your safety. Don't think he will be okay about you (or him) leaving. He won't. Talk to the police, a neighbour, women's refuge. Better safe than sorry. What he called you is not the issue (he knew it would upset you) - he is showing that he has no respect for you. All the best x

Very good question. Mainly bizarrely because of my eldest who’s not even his. He does try to look them I think mainly because he’s not her dad she doesn’t like him

Forget all of that. Why are you leaving? You need the house for the 3 kids.

Is the property in your name (or the tenancy?). If so can you get a locksmith round to change the locks when he next says he’s going? You won’t be able to do that if you own jointly or have a joint tenancy… but if you can then when he next picks up his bag change locks asap.

Joint tenancy with the council and he thinks I’m a freak and a stupid dirty bitch. He really is quite convincing though he’ll say it then completely ignore your existence it’s like your not there you don’t exist completely nothing it’s awful he looks through me like I’m dead but if I dare react I’m called insane it’s dangerous he’s dangerous I know this he’s awful. Beware women in the Wigan area he’s being thrown back

Help him pack his bags. I'd be throwing his crap in the bin. He's a arsehole and abusive as fuck. You're doing the right thing getting him out. As soon as he's out the door change the locks. Do you have enough money for a locksmith? If he's been scrounging off you then use his bank details to pay If you need to.
If he tries to come back in call the police and say your abuser is trying to break in.
If you haven't got anyone safe to go to it's best to get him out of the house and just don't allow him back. I hope things improve for you. X

@ForAvidQuail if joint tenancy I don't believe you can just change locks on him ( I don't know this for sure as I'm not a council tenant) don't pack his bags, don't do anything to put yourself or children in added danger. I'm not saying stay + play the good little wife I'm saying you need to think and stay safe.

I’ve been with this slowly increasing monster for over 11 years. Thanks all I just wondered why I’d be dirty and turns out fuck him 👍

Because right now the most dangerous thing in their lives is in that house.

The best thing they can do is run away, she cant stay and chuck him out because a) he wont go and will punish her badly if she tries and b) legally he has as much right to be there as she does.

Right now the OP needs to go to a refuge.

He's foul.

I have a female dog, and when she rolls in fox poo, or a dead mouse that she finds, I don't ever call her that!

The fact you are so hurt by his snarky comment shows how he KNOWS it hurts you.

Please leave asap, and never let this hideous bully into your life again.

@ForAvidQuail I feel quite tearful that you are so affected by his wankerish comments.
The fact you bleached your hands {Please don't do that!} shows you probably have a cleanliness obsession.

If someone called me 'dirty' it wouldn't bother me, as I know it's a such a ridiculous thing to say - {because it isn't a ''trigger''}

Hopefully the Council can rehouse you.

https://www.mumsnet.com/articles/violence-against-women
@ForAvidQuail

@ForAvidQuail you need to get some rest, so you're on it for your (self &) children tomorrow.
Please dont do anything rash and put yourself in danger, tomorrow is a new day for calm collected fact finding to get you sorted .
Knowledge is power here, find out everything you need to get rid of that disgusting person from your life

He called you 'a freak and a stupid dirty bitch' because these are male insults meant to keep you 'in your place'
Men also use words like like 'fat', 'lazy', 'stupid', 'bad mother' 'frigid' ............ they're not true, but some men use phrases like this to be hurtful and insulting to women.
They know exactly what specific words will hurt a woman and make her doubt herself.

This is what he's doing. He's making you doubt yourself.

Look at what you do.

Then look at what he's saying.

Does it add up?? ................ no it doesn't

Don't doubt yourself - doubt him.

Why is what he says more important than what you know to be true??

You're actually in the right! xx

The game playing with the bag - him ''leaving'' then coming back- he really sounds a nasty piece of work.
He sounds spiteful and desperately immature - I had a friend {we were teenagers} she had a baby with a lanky loser, and she was terrified of this streak of piss.

I said to him ''Why do you bully {Name of friend} so? - next thing I know , he'd stubbed his cigarette out on my face- I kicked him with a bare foot- and he punched me so hard on the head I fell backwards and he broke his hand.

The little creep went to Casualty with my poor friend - she later told me that he said ''He'd been in a punch up with a bloke'' to the doctor there...she said ''I felt so bad leaving you- buy if I hadn't gone to Casualty with him, I would have copped a beating later on.

The broken hand at least stopped him punching my poor friend for a while.

I hope she found the courage to leave him - she was a lovely girl. {I moved away- pre internet and we lost touch. Too many good woman live with shite men.

Foul coward, who hit girls.{17 and 18}.

A horrible cruel man.

Do not allow the comment to live in your head. He is not worth it. That comment is not worth it.

Agree with the good advice here, and the words of Letmegohome

"You can do it, believe in your self , you deserve to be safe and happy"

This is a joint tenancy on a council property. You have children to house, he must leave. There’s one of two ways this happens typically in these relationships, he gets violent, the police come, he is arrested. Or he stays (and he has made it clear he will try that)

Record his abuse somewhere safe (this could be in phone notes he can’t access, dates and times) get charities and people who can advise you involved, tell the council you are with an abusive man and you need to remove him from the tenancy if advised. All carefully, quietly. See a doctor about the ocd and anxiety and get that controlled.

You are likely dealing with narcissist personality disorder/sociopathy or something else, I would suggest learning about these because it’s impossible to fight without this knowledge. You need to know why you are bonded with this man and how to break it.

He used what would hurt you most by calling you that. When men do this women destroy themselves, the hatred goes inwards. Don’t let that happen anymore, take control. Learn about what you’re dealing with OP and get him gone x

Send him to my place. I have had such a shit year, my house is a tip and I'm desperately keen to find a man that needs a kick in the balls.
Chuck the bugger out and stop bleaching your hands!!!!

You can always call him an impotent asshole back. As long as he isn't physically abusive, that is.

I feel from your posts you're extremely clean and hygienic OP, to the point of perhaps OCD.
He's being that cruel, that he's picking on one of your weak spots.

You're genuinely not dirty. He's a wanker.