AIBU to feel this was odd and dismissive?

[JensenButtonsBellyButton]

This happened a while ago but it comes into my mind occasionally so wanting some outside perspective.

DH, 2 kids and I were attending DH’s uncle’s funeral at other end of country so long drive. On arrival at aunt’s house found that she wanted DH and his brother ( her nephews) to be in funeral cars. I was a bit taken aback as we’d come as a family, but ok. So SIL and I drove our cars ( with our kids) to the funeral.
On arrival we discovered that main funeral party ( aunt, her kids and their partners, DH, BIL and my MIL) were of course sat in front two rows. But, and here’s where I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable, there was nowhere for us to sit. They hadn’t kept any seats for me, SIL and our kids. It was full so we had to stand at the back.

AIBU to think this was…odd?

No, not odd at all.

If course you want to he there for dh. And also perfectly natural he prioritised being there for his aunt/parents over needing support himself.

They arrived, there was no space for you, did you want dh to come stand with you? Did you want aunt to ask those who arrived earlier to move? Did you expect aunt when planning funeral to more accurately estimate the number of rows to be reserved? That is not easy, and i expect funeral direcors kept 2 rows which is pretty standard. Unfortunately thst wasnt enough but it isnt odd or rude to you or sil.

well one just factually you lived at opposite ends of the country so highly unlikely to have a really involved relationship where you are active parts of each other lives.

And two, and this is the key one... your whole attitude told on you. If you lost someone you where close you would NOT be thinking of yourself and then dwelling on it all this time later way you would be busy dealing with grief instead.

Isn’t it natural to want to sit with him?

also once again MASSIVELY telling, how are you making the death of someone elses family member all about what YOU want. What you want really doesn't matter one ounce because as said before its not about you.

I think something is lost here, as I can’t believe for one moment you actually thought you should be in the funeral cars and reserved seating up front. Surely not.

No, it wasn't odd.

No, it wasn't dismissive.

It wasn't about you.

Funerals are not the time for this. You turned up, that's it, job done. There is nothing more to it.