AIBU to feel this was odd and dismissive?

[JensenButtonsBellyButton]

This happened a while ago but it comes into my mind occasionally so wanting some outside perspective.

DH, 2 kids and I were attending DH’s uncle’s funeral at other end of country so long drive. On arrival at aunt’s house found that she wanted DH and his brother ( her nephews) to be in funeral cars. I was a bit taken aback as we’d come as a family, but ok. So SIL and I drove our cars ( with our kids) to the funeral.
On arrival we discovered that main funeral party ( aunt, her kids and their partners, DH, BIL and my MIL) were of course sat in front two rows. But, and here’s where I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable, there was nowhere for us to sit. They hadn’t kept any seats for me, SIL and our kids. It was full so we had to stand at the back.

AIBU to think this was…odd?

Perfectly normal.

Like I said, everyone is different 🤷‍♀️

OP should have been warned there would be no seats for her (or kept for her) so she could decide to stay home.

It’s not her ‘job’ to do anything.

OP wasn’t trying to ‘bag a better place’, there was nowhere for her to sit, she had to stand at the back.

This kind of nonsense is why I don’t want a funeral for my remains.

The car situation is normal. There was obviously space in the funeral cars so they went too. I'd assume they would have kept a pew free for you guys tho.

Makes sense for children to be near the back I think

OP should have been warned there would be no seats for her (or kept for her) so she could decide to stay home.

People don't know how many mourners will be at a funeral.

Someone had to stand. It's just something that happened. Why should it not be the op? I just don't understand how anyone could be so put out by standing at a funeral of driving to it without their spouse.

All normal.

YABU op. This is totally normal. Seats for direct family in front rows only. You should have gone ahead to get seats at the back not followed funeral cars. I can’t believe you continue to think about this.

Sounds perfectly normal to me. Front row is for the primary mourners. Everyone else is expected to act appropriately and just sit/stand wherever.

No it's not odd. It was bust, they had other priorities over saving seats. Saving seats is odd.

Somebody underestimated how many people would come, which gives you the 'great turnout' line at the expense of sufficient seating for you and your sister in law and children:-/

Not everybody can stand reasonably still, comfortably, for an hour. Venue staff ought to have found some folding chairs / have an overflow room so you didn't have to stand.

Normally at funerals the person. Person has n cusrge asks for a certain number of pews/seats to be reserved for family having discussed with next of kin. I do find it odd that you had to stand atbthe back as family, and that is not the norm. However, unless exceptionally close and directly related, depending on age, I don’t think it’s a place for children, if young especially. It’s not like a wedding or a party is it?

Family in the first few rows then friends!

I think this is perfectly normal, I've been outside the crematorium watching on a screen from.outside with other family members for relatives closer than his uncle so to you. I think you need to get over yourself. A man has died show a bit of respect and pay your respects and move on. Surely you aren't so daft to understand that your not a priority his immediate family is. Clearly his aunt wanted her nephews there which is her choice. But she's hardly going to make room for you and the kids if it's not a tiny funeral. I've known funerals where there has been siblings and cousins stood outside because of lack of room. Both crematorium funerals and church funerals/burials etc.

I think the row behind the chief mourners should have been kept for you & sil and all your children.

Weird. Family before friends in the seating, and outrageous to split nuclear families up.

Usually the funeral directors keep seats for the family and extended family but if they were not told you were attending they would not know, perhaps Your DH' s Aunt didn't know you would be attending. I personally wouldn't have taken children to a funeral.

I dont think nephews wives and great neices/nephews are close family. I expect Aunt thought of her own children/grandchildren her partners siblings and partners. Likely nephews were last minute decison which is nice, not an insult to you.

I mean, why not say, funeral is for principles mourners only, so they could just stay home?
Why bother ask/expect them to come at all?

That's perfectly normal. From my experience of the many funerals I've been to and the couple I've had to organise.
What I don't find normal is that after all this time, you're still stewing over it?! That's rather odd to me!
We can be put out about a lot of things, but we shrug and move on. As long as Uncle had a good send off, that's all that matters surely? Not the seating arrangements, which were the norm as funeral etiquette dictates.

You have made a huge amount of insulting assumptions here.
Of course it’s not about me.
It was a huge loss to my DH- the family is incredibly close. Why do you assume I barely knew him? Isn’t it natural to want to sit with him?

Whi take kids to a funeral? Too young to understand and upsetting for them. The deceased won't mind.

Isn’t it natural to want to sit with him?

Sure but that didn't work out on the day.

You didn't end up sitting with him. That doesn't make it 'odd'. You've already said that the other relatives were the main funeral party.

You wanted them to keep seats at a funeral. In my experience, people expect close family to sit in the first couple of rows as you describe and that's what happened.

Other than that, people don't 'keep seats' like lunch in an American teen movie. I honestly can't imagine shuffling in to a row at a funeral and someone saying 'actually, we are keeping those seats for Dave's nephews wife and children who live at the other end of the country.'