Is my dad right to be so obsessed with grades?

[malificent7]

So my dad is a teacher and was keen for me to get good grades which sounds great but it was his sole focus. He sent me to a private school coz small classes and I absolutely hated it...bullied etc, didn't fit in bit he had convinced he did the right thing as I got ok grades ( not stunning btw).
Now dd has gone to the local comp and loves it , is doing well at 6th form . My dad is convinced her grades would be higher if she had gone to private school. Aibu to tell him to shut up? She has literally been doing alevels for 5 minutes since September and is doing great.
He also told dd that he wished he'd sent me to preo school....i'm bloody thrilled I didn't go and went to my normal state school first.

Grades not grafes!

I'm confused. You said he'd sent you to private school, but in your last line you say you went to a normal state school.
Plus what's a preo school?.

Prep school. She went to a state primary and private secondary I assume.

Prep school. Sounds like OP went to private secondary and state junior school.

I opened this thread and I’m very disappointed your dad isn’t obsessed with giraffes.

No, but if she went to a regular state school then why is the dad complaining about the OP doing the same thing?

Me too

Ha! I thought it was a toss up between Giraffes and Graphs, and was hoping for the former.

Your dad sadly is a snob. I went to one of the worst comps in the area, out of my school year only one person went to uni in 1987. But most of use have done well. I retired at 55, I wasn't the earliest. Several have degrees later in life....your dad has read too much Billy bunter, Jennings, goodbye mr chips, it's a romantic idea but most privately educated people I interviewed (and that would piss your old man off kid who grew up on benefits was manager in multi national financial organisation) were slightly strange if not fucking mad!

I thought it was a typo for grapes!

I came for the same reason

You really don’t like your dad, why not just see less of him and then he won’t upset you so often.

I thought it was going to be graphs as I am addicted to maps myself, I thought I’d found a kindred spirit.

OP- YANBU. I’d tell him to wind his neck in. You’re the parent not him and having been a student at a private school, that is not something you wish for your DD.

@Bluelane I thought it was a typo for graves!

Came here expecting some musings on existential issues.

Graves! I was sure it was going to be a thread about grapes, graphs or giraffes. Disappointed!

I'm so disappointed in the lack of giraffes.

I thought it was going to be graves. My step dad loved a good churchyard.
I would say you need some work/life balance, even at school, and not to be obsessed with grades over any kind of social life but also you are doing A levels for a reason so you want to do the best you are able. If she likes her school but needs some extra help some private tuition might be what would make the difference for her.

If she's academic then she will do well regardless of what school she goes to. I've heard of plenty of people going to private school and not coming out with the grades they wanted, and plenty going to state and getting really good grades. There are so many different factors you need to think about, not just whether you're paying or not.

My dad was also obsessed with my grades and it put a lot of pressure on me. I think kids need breathing space and only buckle down if they're not fulfilling their potential.

OP attended state primary school but private secondary school. OP's dc has attended a state secondary school and is now in sixth form. OP's dad thinks OP's dc should have gone to private secondary as they'd have got better grades.

No, she said she went to a normal state school in the last line.

I like giraffes. They're my friends.

Prep school is primary school. Grandpa wishes he sent OP to private primary/prep as well as the private secondary she did go to. OP's glad she went to state primary before going to private secondary

I think it's pretty rude to tell him to shut up. He's entitled to his opinion, you're entitled to yours. I would just tell him that you're very happy with your choice of school, that DD is doing well and that you didn't enjoy your schooling and don't agree that private school is always better. Education is about more than grades, it's about her development as a person as well.

This had the potential to be the most interesting thread in a long while. A dad who is obsessed with giraffes/graphs/graves/grapes. But no, ive gone to the trouble of opening it and it's a thread about someone's grades!

Right 👍