Is my dad right to be so obsessed with grades?

[malificent7]

So my dad is a teacher and was keen for me to get good grades which sounds great but it was his sole focus. He sent me to a private school coz small classes and I absolutely hated it...bullied etc, didn't fit in bit he had convinced he did the right thing as I got ok grades ( not stunning btw).
Now dd has gone to the local comp and loves it , is doing well at 6th form . My dad is convinced her grades would be higher if she had gone to private school. Aibu to tell him to shut up? She has literally been doing alevels for 5 minutes since September and is doing great.
He also told dd that he wished he'd sent me to preo school....i'm bloody thrilled I didn't go and went to my normal state school first.

Seriously though- OP, your child’s education has nothing to do with your dad. Please don’t let hip chip away at her confidence by putting down her grades.

The easiest thing would be to stop oversharing your DDs grades with your DF. It's really none of his business. As a pp said, just state "she did very well" or something similar. If he pushes, be honest and tell him you're not divulging grades because you're fed up with his mantra about attending a private school.

Or Graphs. I could easily be obsessed with both.

I love giraffes 🦒

Was hoping for a thread about Rafes.. Rafe Spall, Ralph Fiennes (at a push). Would also have been happy with graves, graphs and giraffes in that order.
Well done for raising a happy girl. Good luck to you both.

I was hoping for a graph obsession tbh but I would have settled for giraffes so this is a bit disappointing sorry OP.

It would be hard work to dig a very long grave for a giraffe 🦒 😪

What I tell my kids is that they need to maintain balance - the grades are just to get you to the next step in what you want to do. Once you've got A-levels, your GCSEs become less important, once you have a degree, your A-levels are less important. I would prefer that they tried, but didn't obsess, and that they got the grades that they needed to do what they wanted to do next, without burning themselves out just to be at the top.

Of course that's something that I will de-emphasise for my youngest child, who is already a pro at only putting in exactly the right amount of effort for a given piece of work, and so needs to be poked with sticks to do a little bit more before the bare minimum attitude comes back to bite him

I thought it might be a term from Dune, and the OP’s dad is obsessed with giant sand worms or something.

Or that it was a typo for grafts and the dad was into replacing his entire skin periodically, like a snake.

I too thought it would be about giraffes! Esp as my friend is obsessed .I love them too.tall and graceful. Lovely long necks.just like me (I wish!)

Same

Is your dad from a country where the state school education provision is very poor/minimal? A lot of migrants assume in the UK that private will be vastly better than state because they are from countries where state is poor/non existent. In reality lots of state schools in the uk provide an excellent education.

There's recently been research showing that if you strip out other factors eg parents educational level, private school results are in fact no better than state.

In other words, the child of two highly educated, well off parents is likely to get similar results whether in a state school or a private. Of course a private school will probably offer more expensive extra curricular etc but thats not what your dad is bothered about right?

It wouldn't be unreasonable to say something harsher than shut up.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/education/2024/nov/21/private-and-state-school-pupils-gcse-results-are-now-the-same-study-finds

This is worth a read op.

“I don’t know why you bang on about this. Obviously I’m not going to make my daughter do something that made me so unhappy. No, dad, it did. It did. Listen - it did.”

Hin @ManhattanPopcorn what grades did you get and what work did that take you onto? Is your dad wanting a high flying career for your DD as you (may) have?

I came here just to see what a Grafe was 😂😂

I was hoping for a thread about me. Ah well.

Dad says he wished he'd sent her to private prep(aratory) school before sending her to private school.

Meh, ignore him. DD went to a state comp, her fiancé a private from age 4. He failed a year of his ALevels. Both went to the same RG uni, both graduated with a 2:1, both earn the same, but shes four years younger. His parents regularly spout about the virtues of private school to her and how it benefits the child over a state education.

She still reminds them they spent well over 100k for the same end.

My daughter went to a very ‘mediocre’ state school. She achieved all top grades and is now at Oxford Uni. Lower than average results received overall at her school.
In some ways it is better to achieve so well in the state sector. My youngest will be going to the same school and we will see how she does. Like you we want our children to be happy where they are.

My dad is obsessed with spreadsheets. I found myself recording which birds came to the feder,m what time, how long they stayed and which food was on the feeder.

I realised the apple hadn't fallen as far from the tree as I thought.

@Pinkissmart - it always looked kind of indigo to me - very dark. And the most prehensile of any mammal.

She's happy and doing well, end of discussion. He made his decision about you, now you are deciding from r your daughter. Maybe tell your daughter how great it is that she's happy and doing well, and that grandad is a bit obsessed, no need to listen too much to him going on......

My DH is a private school teacher and the hoops they go through so that students can get high grades are insane, such as tutoring, adjustments, re-sitting, you name it, they have try so much more for the students than what I had at a regular school when I was a student. However, what’s that worth if your daughter isn’t happy. Your dad is unreasonable.

Your dad is very unreasonable, and his attitude could ruin her relationship with learning, and have her grow up feeling that she is not good enough.