Am I the birthday grinch?

[Celp28]

My DS turns 10 tomorrow. I have brought and wrapped every present for him (plus started all of the Christmas shopping!) Today his grandad asked me to pick him up after school and take him and DS shopping so DS could pick his birthday present. My DS picked up a £43 game for XBox. Here the problem- his DS (21) has brought him PlayStation 5 for Christmas! (Including the game) I explained that the XBox game was a little expensive and tried to steer him towards picking something else. I discreetly explained to DFIL the situation. Instead of being discreet and supportive he started shouting saying well what would you have picked if your mum wasn’t here and shaking his head in annoyance.
DS couldn’t find anything else he wanted so DFIL gave him £20 and we drove home in stoney silence. When DFIL got out of the car my DH turns to DS and says ‘well you missed out, you only got £20 instead of the game you wanted’. DS looked crestfallen and I refrained from screaming at DH.
Im now sat here feeling like a prize bitch that’s ruined DS birthday, but tbh I am so disappointed in DH for not supporting me and helping out in an awkward situation. What can I do to make my DS less disappointed?

He's an idiot.

I would tell your son thw reason you didn't want him to get the game is that you'd already got it him for Xmas, you don't have to say it's on the PS5!

And I would be ringing tour FIL and having a right barney with him.

just Because I hate to see my DS so disappointed on the eve of his birthday. I want him to be excited and happy.

I know 😩 I feel dreadful!! I want him to be happy and excited not disappointed

He still believes in Santa, I’ve told him that I think Santa is getting it because he put it on his list

So your husband gets his tact and ability to catch on to the subtleties of a situation from his father then?! Why did they try and make a scene instead of discretely steering your son away from the one thing that you didn't want him to have? And why did your husband have to stir it all up again at the end?

I would be livid with both of them and I agree that they have made it look as though you are trying to limit what your son has when you should all have been working together to make sure he got something he wanted for his birthday without ruining his Christmas present!

These are the questions I’m asking myself. I don’t want to bring it up this evening with DH as we will argue and I don’t want that for my DS. I’ve got ages until DS will be in bed and I’m just seething with DH. I try my hardest not to argue in front of the children.

I’m assuming @RoseBear81 has nothing pleasant to say and that’s why the comments have been deleted? Be a sweetheart and get lost please. I’m not here for a war with unkind people. A little tip for you, it’s never ok to kick someone when they’re already feeling down. We’re talking about a 10 year old kid and how to make him feel better, not satisfying someone else’s need to grab attention by being being a bully

I try my hardest not to argue in front of the children.

Sounds like DH does dickish things a lot then? Another man that can't stand the attention not being on him.
I hope you and your son have a lovely birthday day, and just don't bite with the Dh. That will wind him up more! 😂

They both behaved badly and this is completely besides the point but why does a 10 year old need both an Xbox and a ps5?

Thank you ❤️

Fair point! Because his Xbox is very old and was second hand when he got it 5 years ago. It cuts out when it gets too hot so it’ll be an upgrade

& here is your problem. Small gifts ie in stockings are ftom Santa. giant expensive gifts are from parents/carers 🤷‍♀️ but yes your FIL was totally out of order & your DH needs to have a word with him.

Yep, both behaving like children and need telling so!

You should have let him buy it. There’s no harm in having the same game on two consoles.

Wow like father like son hey.... both of them acted twatish and need a dressing down (not that it would sink into their self centred brains) if your DFIL was willing to spend £50 why not give your son the equivalent????

I would have done the same as your OP and my DH would have supported me no matter what... I assume you still love this man for other reasons but i think you need to have a conversation about not contradicting each other and supporting each other's decisions. If you then don't agree talk about it away from the child.

I hope your DS has a great birthday anyway, and perhaps you can suggest that he saves the £20 for after his birthday or christmas and wait to see what he gets, then if he gets more money (or you can top it up) to then buy that or a different game...

My DD has a November birthday so I always suggest she saves her money as she doesn't know what anyone else or Santa will bring her

Why did you make such a fuss? Your son wants the game on the Xbox - just an FYI games are not exactly the same on every console, they have console exclusive skins, levels etc so he wouldn't have had 2 of the same game.

Honestly this is a you problem not a FIL or DH problem

You have told your son that you are fairly sure Santa was going to get him stuff from his list, so just check in with him again that he understands that he did nothing wrong, and that £20 to get something he really wants is much better than a more expensive gift twice! Your far bigger problem is your DH who is a prize arse. Firstly for being completely obtuse about what was going on. And secondly for the message that the key to gifting is to screw the most money out of someone. ("Only £20") And to somehow blame your son? ("Well done") And for you not to to be able to challenge him because it would cause an argument. Not to mention your FIL shaming you in front of your child as if you were ruining things. They both sound unbelievably toxic and controlling so unless there is some backstory here, you have far more issues than a disappointed child on one day. Is undermining you and blaming/shaming both of you a common occurence? Given that you can't discuss it now, I assume so. Because that should really have led to a "WTAF was that all about. Are you ok because your behvaiour was batshit" conversation with both of them.

Your port ds I hope he had a good birthday. Honestly I would just have let him get the game, he would have been happy and excited. They do vary slightly on different consoles.
Your FIL behaved badly but I can kinda see why he was upset that his treat had been spoiled. Your DH on the other hand is an idiot and should have backed you up and not made you out to be the bad guy.

£43 for a game for a console that’s old and on its’ last legs ?

OP didn’t challenge at the time because she doesn’t want to argue in front of her son. Not because she’s unable challenge him.

Doesn't really sound like it's about the Xbox game, although I disagree with a pp saying you're the problem for not buying it. I am rather addicted to a farming game and have it on my PC, Switch and PS4 because 1) it's a reeeeeeally lovely game (I have a problem) but 2) a PC is different to a Switch, and different to a PS4. I wouldn't have bought it on two brands of the same type of console though.
Anyway! 40 years old and waffling on about farming sims on the internet. Yay for me.

Moving swiftly on, Op, are you and your DH a team? It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like your DH almost... leapt at the opportunity to have a snide jab at you, to make you look shit in front of your kid, AND to make your kid miserable. Does he even like either of you? What a shit. I'm guessing he doesn't believe in a united front or supporting you in public or any of those 'whimsical' things?

I don't think they are whimsical, but my ex-husband did. One of his most gloriously shit moments was when I tried to talk to him about being a unit, a team, and supporting me, and he said,

'You can't tell me what to do!'

What a guy.

I hope your DS had a lovely birthday in the end and you pointed out to DH and his father what spoilt brats they were being by trying to ruin his birthday