Am I the birthday grinch?

[Celp28]

My DS turns 10 tomorrow. I have brought and wrapped every present for him (plus started all of the Christmas shopping!) Today his grandad asked me to pick him up after school and take him and DS shopping so DS could pick his birthday present. My DS picked up a £43 game for XBox. Here the problem- his DS (21) has brought him PlayStation 5 for Christmas! (Including the game) I explained that the XBox game was a little expensive and tried to steer him towards picking something else. I discreetly explained to DFIL the situation. Instead of being discreet and supportive he started shouting saying well what would you have picked if your mum wasn’t here and shaking his head in annoyance.
DS couldn’t find anything else he wanted so DFIL gave him £20 and we drove home in stoney silence. When DFIL got out of the car my DH turns to DS and says ‘well you missed out, you only got £20 instead of the game you wanted’. DS looked crestfallen and I refrained from screaming at DH.
Im now sat here feeling like a prize bitch that’s ruined DS birthday, but tbh I am so disappointed in DH for not supporting me and helping out in an awkward situation. What can I do to make my DS less disappointed?

Read the thread. The Xbox is old, overheats and cuts out. £43 for the game, when there'll be a new PS5 in a couple of weeks is a waste of money. And it absolutely is a FiL/DH problem. They caused a completely unnecessary scene and DH sent a terrible message to his son about the amount of money spent on the game, versus the cash he got instead. Appalling that you think the problem lies with OP instead of the two oafs who ignored her point, proved themselves incapable of subtlety. Not to mention FiL being a cheapskate. If the game would had cost £43 he could have given hi. £50 instead of the £20 that was calculated to make him feel as though he was being punished somehow and DH compounded it.

Nothing. You can do nothing at this moment in time (unless you want to give the secret away what his DS has bought him for Christmas).

What I would do is keep my powder dry and when this DS gets his Christmas gift, I'd make a huge thing about not buying the game on his birthday and wasn't Grandad so rude as he didn't know the full story, blah blah blah, oh and Daddy knew as well but didn't do anything either except let Grandad be so rude and make you feel terrible and how you didn't want to ruin the surprise for Christmas and so on.

You should have a chat, to find out why your DH didn't shut his father down when he carried on like he did in front of his grandson and you. That wasn't on at all.

Probably time to address the 'Santa' issue. When children believe in Santa and believe that he brings every gift they get, parents are setting themselves up for a lot of unnecessary stress and heartache for children. We have always done Santa brings the stocking presents (little, cheap but cheerful items), or alternatively he brings one relatively cheap present. The rest come from family and friends, so that my son knows who to thank. That way kids still have the magic of Santa at Christmas without the unrealistic expectation that they will get whatever they want, just because they've been 'good'.

Wait-what? I think your boy being nice to you. Some child in my DD's class told her all about Santa when she was 5. Re the game, I think I would have let DFIL buy it and taken it back after but the men don't come out well here.

At ten, it might be time to tell him the truth about Santa

BUT your FIL and DH were completely out of order

In your house… not everyone else’s

It’s your bad if he’s got an x box then of course he’s going to want an x box game. Could have just brought it but no you wanted the credit.

Like father like son. Just make sure your son doesn’t grow up to be like his father. Talk about the pair of them’s (dh and fil) inability to read a room, sheesh.

How is she getting credit when it was her other son that's bought it? Yes, she said Santa might bring it but that's Santa getting credit not her and even if the son doesn't actually believe, when he opens his brothers present on Christmas day then she still wouldn't be getting credit???

So FIL, a grown man, wasn't capable of buying a present himself in the first place so needed you to take him and DS to choose his own.

Because a child was choosing his own present he chose something someone else has already bought him and rather than be reasonable and encourage him to choose something different the pair of them made him feel crap and disappointed.

You did nothing wrong. The men were acting like idiots

That's a very generous present from his big brother.

You sound lovely, the men in your life are, unfortunately, absolute twats.

I hope you handed him his presents today and said they were from you.

Your husband and his father are complete dicks.

To be honest I think this was badly handled all around.

I think for you, it’s a lesson learned about your place in the pecking order unfortunately. If this ever crops up again, it’s not your money being wasted, sometimes if you can’t beat them then join them. Let them waste their money on a duplicated gift. Let’s be completely honest your son is going to prefer the PS5 version regardless because it’s a newer more existing system so your gift still has value.

Don’t play into their games of making you look like the bad person. Especially as you don’t want to tell your son the truth for the sake of keeping the peace. You’re doing yourself dirty. Your son might resent you because you don’t have the confidence to set the record straight

Tbh I think the most worrying thing about all of this is that he had an Xbox at 5 and a brand new PlayStation at 10. Ridiculous presents for a young child

Also another thing that’s your fault is saying the game was too expensive to put him off it, that makes you look like the grinch. The problem wasn’t the price of the game at all - he could have got a different gift at the same price.

They both behaved like dickheads but, to be honest, if FIL knew the situation and was still happy to buy the game you should have just let them get on with it

Wow like father like son hey

That'd be my concern, to be honest. Your DH seems the spit of his father, who sounds unpleasant and hard work. I wouldn't want to risk my son being the third in line.

All will be forgotten when he gets that epic present off his brother! Suggest he uses the £20 towards a new game for his
Ps5. He will totally understand when he opens that present why you didn't want him to get it. I'd be annoyed at dh to, but I do honestly think all will be resolved on the day. Your boy will be so pleased with his gift.

You should have just let him get it and let FIL waste his money, especially seeing as he still believes in santa. I would be annoyed at DH for not backing you up though.

I agree, definitely tell him about Santa! I personally was a late believer and I still to this day remember that evil boy that told me it wasn't real 😂

Most people on here wouldn’t agree with you. I think it’s excessive to have the same game on multiple consoles just for those small variations unless it’s an established absolute favourite.

Also, DS is more likely to be disappointed if he gets the same game twice when he could have had two different ones - he’s missing out on the chance to have aNother game (or whatever else he wants).

get a grip
If the son gets a brand new PS5 with both this and lots of other new games, he's not going to play the whole game again on his very old, close to breaking Xbox just for a slightly different skin. Particularly when he's ten so hopefully not allowed hours of game time per day anyway.

Any excuse to jump on an OP....

Both your FIL and "D"H sound like absolute twats. Why does your DH not only appeared to have played no part in organising, buying, or wrapping gifts but doesn't even know what his own son is getting for Christmas? Why is a 21 year old buying his brother a hugely expensive present and not the child's parents?

Sounds like you have far bigger problems that the game. The only bright side is you seem to have raised one very decent, kind young man despite "D"H's influence (not clear if DH isn't DS1's father?) - if you split up now DS2 might have a chance at not following in his father and grandfather's footsteps too.

Tricky one. At 10 kids don’t understand waiting a month for something if they can have it now now now…. that’s probably worth £40. Plus you could presumably have sold the game either Xbox or PS new or nearly new after Christmas.

from a sane adult perspective (yours) it seems wasteful but from a 10 year old or Disney dad type adult (FIL and DH) you stole joy.

plus you put your self in the situation by allowing FIL to take your son shopping and let him choose. Surely you could have predicted that he’d choose something you’d already bought / planned for him and could have mitigated that upfront. Hindsight hey?!?!

it’s done now, try to calm the situation and lessons learnt on all sides, including yours and hopefully theirs.