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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If men were left to organise Christmas themselves

519 replies

Fiddlesticks32 · 27/11/2024 17:42

AIBU to think it would be an absolute disaster?

And what would it look like? WineHalo

OP posts:
Parker231 · 30/11/2024 16:18

Corinthiana · 30/11/2024 16:14

A special Father Christmas North Pole feast!

Surely that’s Christmas Day and not a separate day?

BigFatLiar · 30/11/2024 16:22

I'm glad things like elf on the shelf wasn't a thing when ours were little.

As an aside there was a Sabrina the Teenage Witch with a Christmas theme. One of the aunts commented on the song 'he sees you when your sleeping, he knows if you're awake' that it just sounded creepy.

Hateam · 30/11/2024 16:22

Parker231 · 30/11/2024 16:18

Surely that’s Christmas Day and not a separate day?

1st December apparently.

StripyHorse · 30/11/2024 16:23

I think the only thing that wouldn't happen in my house is the Christmas cards for everyone apart from immediate family.

OrwellianTimes · 30/11/2024 16:24

It would be fine. He’d cook an amazingly done meal, maybe forget to do fancy breakfast, gifts might not be what I’d choose, but he’d do alright.

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/11/2024 16:27

Parker231 · 30/11/2024 16:18

Surely that’s Christmas Day and not a separate day?

DH is doing it tomorrow because that’s when the elf comes. 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

saraclara · 30/11/2024 16:28

My late husband loved Christmas and all the preparation for it.

If he was to have done it without my input, we wouldn't have been able to move for decorations. The presents would maybe not have been wrapped so neatly, but there'd be loads of them. And he'd have made a perfectly decent Christmas dinner.

WearyAuldWumman · 30/11/2024 16:41

StandingSideBySide · 30/11/2024 16:16

Well that one came back to bite me
note to self….never assume anything.
apologies for my sweeping assumption.

I swear that I wasn't being snarky. Honestly - I promise.

Of course you would assume that I have children, given that this is Mumsnet. I come on here for the company. Sorry - I didn't mean to cause upset. (Looking back at my post I can see that the exclamation mark might look a bit snotty. Sorry.)

WearyAuldWumman · 30/11/2024 16:42

Corinthiana · 30/11/2024 16:14

A special Father Christmas North Pole feast!

bites tongue

Do you eat Penguin biscuits? (Aye - I know: they're from the South Pole.)

yoshiblue · 30/11/2024 16:46

I asked my husband this question a couple of years ago. He said 'it would be a bit shit, we would forget things, but everyone would survive!'

Parker231 · 30/11/2024 17:03

Hateam · 30/11/2024 16:22

1st December apparently.

We opened the first day of the advent calendar on 1 December to get the little chocolate and then Sinterklaas on 6 December which was the main present day. Nothing else then until small small stocking presents on Christmas Day. Better tell DT’s they had a deprived childhood!

StandingSideBySide · 30/11/2024 17:03

WearyAuldWumman · 30/11/2024 16:41

I swear that I wasn't being snarky. Honestly - I promise.

Of course you would assume that I have children, given that this is Mumsnet. I come on here for the company. Sorry - I didn't mean to cause upset. (Looking back at my post I can see that the exclamation mark might look a bit snotty. Sorry.)

No upset.
Good lesson reminder to be more mindful 👍

StandingSideBySide · 30/11/2024 17:06

Parker231 · 30/11/2024 17:03

We opened the first day of the advent calendar on 1 December to get the little chocolate and then Sinterklaas on 6 December which was the main present day. Nothing else then until small small stocking presents on Christmas Day. Better tell DT’s they had a deprived childhood!

Do you hale / live in Belgium France or Germany

note Sinterklaas and 6th for presents.

Parker231 · 30/11/2024 17:11

StandingSideBySide · 30/11/2024 17:06

Do you hale / live in Belgium France or Germany

note Sinterklaas and 6th for presents.

I’m from Belgium. Spent many years in London. Now living in Montreal.

CandyCane457 · 30/11/2024 17:25

Fiddlesticks32 · 30/11/2024 14:17

Can I come to yours for Christmas please? @mathanxiety Looks like you've found a nice balance.

You reminded me of a few more to add to the list:

Wreath making workshops
Baking mince pies and chocolate Yule log
Extra stocking fillers, individually wrapped (including small items like pens)
Secret Santa gifts for colleagues
The dreaded work Christmas party
Movie marathon sleepover
Charity fundraiser event

For those with school aged kids, extras to consider might include:

Practicing lines or music and making costumes for the Nativity play/concert
Gifts for the teachers
Writing Christmas cards for the whole class(es)
Mufti/Christmas jumper/themed day
Christingle and/or carol service at church
Christmas fair
End of term projects
Party/lunch/disco

Some of the activities on these lists might be small or trivial but they still need factoring in and it all adds to the mental load.

I would assume you sort our own colleagues secret Santa and he does his? Or do you have to sort your husbands for him? I just…wouldn’t do that.
Also the works Christmas do being on the list, assuming you work in two different places, what about that is “mental load”? Unless you’re organising it, surely you just turn up? Just curious!

SilverChampagne · 30/11/2024 17:28

MyrtleStrumpet · 27/11/2024 17:46

My DH does Christmas apart from the tree and presents for my family. We have a brilliant Christmas every year.

Yes, this; pretty much.
Not all men are like yours, op.

Cucumberpickles · 30/11/2024 17:31

Dh does nearly all of it here. Elf on the shelf (I’m amazed he thinks of so many ideas), remembers to get the advent calendars , wraps the presents (which I do buy) sets them all out on Xmas eve and cooks the Xmas dinner etc

itsgettingweird · 30/11/2024 17:44

Absolutely fine.

Since my mum died my dad has organised our family Christmas every year, my brother always does most of cooking alongside my dads help and last year we went to my brothers and he booked it all.

Not all men are useless twats.

And I swear half of them act like it because theirs no point putting in a whole Load of effort that's unappreciated because it isn't how the other person would have done it.

ChessorBuckaroo · 30/11/2024 18:00

Fiddlesticks32 · 27/11/2024 22:55

To clarify - I didn't start this thread as a man bashing exercise. I love men and all my men happen to be helpful and capable. Christmas just isn't really their forte.

Isn't their forte, except for creating almost everything in it.

mathanxiety · 30/11/2024 18:27

StandingSideBySide · 30/11/2024 15:56

Irish family born in 1930s
An orange if they were very lucky and had any money
All they really did was spend a lot of time in Church.

ps dads family were tenant farmers but also worked down the mines in Tipperary

Edited

That sounds like my mum's childhood Christmases in the 1930s and early 40s in Ireland. She got knitting needles when she was ten (in the thick of WW2, neither hide nor hair of an orange to be had) and learned to knit socks shortly thereafter.

mathanxiety · 30/11/2024 18:38

Fiddlesticks32 · 30/11/2024 14:59

I don't have much patience with people who wear themselves out doing things that don't actually need doing and which nobody would miss

I see your point @Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g but the reality is a lot of women would feel as though Christmas was ruined if they didn't pull out all the stops every year. There's an awful lot of pressure these days on (mostly) Mums to 'make memories' and provide their children with the 'perfect' magical Christmas.

Making memories, Christmas magic, Christmas ruined - none of those concepts existed when my DCs were born in the 90s.

Back then, the idea of a 'perfect' family occasion that included children (or most people's relatives, let's face it) would have been greeted by guffaws because people had a healthy respect for reality.

Yes, social media has a lot to answer for, but we all have the choice to take a step back and leave the fools to their folly. I suspect the vast majority of people actually do just that.

WearyAuldWumman · 30/11/2024 18:40

itsgettingweird · 30/11/2024 17:44

Absolutely fine.

Since my mum died my dad has organised our family Christmas every year, my brother always does most of cooking alongside my dads help and last year we went to my brothers and he booked it all.

Not all men are useless twats.

And I swear half of them act like it because theirs no point putting in a whole Load of effort that's unappreciated because it isn't how the other person would have done it.

One year, back in the '60s, my mum was in hospital for a few months, trying to stave off a threatened miscarriage. (Unfortunately, she still lost the baby.)

I stayed with an aunt and uncle during the week, but with Dad at weekends and over the holidays. (Dad was on shift work.) He'd been brought up in a very traditional manner where only women did the cooking etc.

Dinner at weekends and the holidays mainly consisted of Grant's tinned mince and Smash. There was an offer on - 4 empty Smash packets and your address got you a free Tupperware box. Dad gave me permission to send them off.

By the time Mum got home, we had boxes and boxes of Tupperware in the house...She kept some and gave the rest away to relatives.

She asked me what we'd had for Christmas dinner: "Dog meat!"

After that, Mum made a point of teaching Dad how to cook and to do the washing. Dad had done all the washing at weekends and holidays, but had bleached all my navy blue school knickers...

I recall that Santa came that year, but things weren't quite set out the way they should have been. Santa's presents should have been in a pillowcase; presents from relatives were piled up separately. That year, Santa had mixed them all up a bit.

Mum and Dad were a good team, but things changed a bit after that Christmas. He really did become a very good cook. I recall Mum saying that she thought he'd have become a chef if he'd been given the chance.

Mum was a SAHM who did all the caring for her parents. Once Dad retired, the housework was split between them and Dad helped Mum to care for her elderly uncle.

Nowadays, I should imagine that most couples share domestic tasks. As I've stated above, my late husband certainly did more than his fair share.

Bjorkdidit · 30/11/2024 18:44

OP, the only person putting pressure on is you is you. Perhaps rationalise your list a little, instead of trying to absolutely everything possible that is Christmas related. If you want a quiet, low key, 'Man Christmas', just have one.

Should do, providing you want to, but share the load
Buying, preparing and cooking a three course meal for multiple people
Clearing and washing up after the meal
Buying multiple presents for family
Wrapping said presents nicely

Optional, quite nice to have, but again, only if you want to and the load is shared
Sorting games, entertainment and outings
Cleaning whole house (don't you do this anyway?)
Baking treats like gingerbread houses
Visiting and/or hosting family

Entirely your choice, completely unnecessary and you could just not do these things.
--Writing and sending cards (at 85p per stamp!)
Christmas Eve boxes
Christmas jumpers
Elf on a shelf
Seeing Santa
Writing letters to Santa
Matching PJs for the whole family, including dog
Getting hold of the latest trendy item, Jingle All the Way style
Making Mulled wine and hot chocolate
Handmade decorations and ornaments
Baking a Christmas pud
Advent calendar and candle
Going caroling
Visiting a Christmas market
Attending a carol service at church and/or midnight mass
Driving around looking for lights
Hiding presents before and after wrapping
Festive playlist
Decorating whole house inside and out
Finding and decorating a tree
Special tableware
Special bedding
Charity appeals such as shoebox gifts
Writing thank you notes
Wreath making workshops
Baking mince pies and chocolate Yule log
Extra stocking fillers, individually wrapped (including small items like pens)
Secret Santa gifts for colleagues
The dreaded work Christmas party
Movie marathon sleepover
Charity fundraiser event
For those with school aged kids, extras to consider might include:
Practicing lines or music and making costumes for the Nativity play/concert
Gifts for the teachers
Writing Christmas cards for the whole class(es)
Mufti/Christmas jumper/themed day
Christingle and/or carol service at church
Christmas fair
End of term projects
Party/lunch/disco--

Corinthiana · 30/11/2024 18:46

That's a lovely story, @WearyAuldWumman ! I'm glad your Dad learned to cook.

WearyAuldWumman · 30/11/2024 18:54

Corinthiana · 30/11/2024 18:46

That's a lovely story, @WearyAuldWumman ! I'm glad your Dad learned to cook.

Thank you. In retirement, he took to watching cookery shows. He used to supplement his main dishes with the most beautifully presented salad dishes: they were absolute works of art.

We didn't have any mince pies to leave out for Santa the year that Mum was in hospital, of course, because Mum wasn't there to bake them.

Me: Do you think it'll be all right if I leave a packet of Spangles for Santa?

Dad: Aye, that'll be fine.

Me: Do you think Santa will mind if I have one...?

I recall that there were only three Spangles left for poor old Santa in the end!