School mornings DH working from home

[barrymanilowspiano]

I have agreed with my other half who works from home that I’ll deal with the last 15 mins of getting the kids out the door in the morning as I’m the one who drives them to school. We agreed he can do the breakfast/lunches or anything beforehand if he wants but it’s easier if the one driving (always me) does check bags/shoes/car. I’ve said he can then get ready for work in peace.

We agreed this last night and this morning he's at the door repeating everything I say, getting involved in their arguments, looking for stuff, whatever the last minute drama is. He even gave a speech this morning about behaviour. One of the kids needs calm and simple as he gets overwhelmed and we’ve spoken about this which is why we chatted last night. I know he’s only trying to help but we agree and then he immediately reverts. Bad moods as there are too many conversations flying around!

He says I’m blaming him when things go wrong but he can’t pass the baton for the last few minutes. Is this normal lol. Who can relate?

I know there are bigger things to worry about and he's only being a good parent by trying to help out.

Why are two of you doing an over convoluted routine?!
why can’t he literally put them in the car with their bags packed so he does the entire routine
you doing 15 mins etc and a handover isn’t working

Me too. We take turns but my DP can get in the way commenting that I am running late or nagging one of the DC in a way that doesn't work and is more likely to cause upset (ASD so careful approach can be essential). Sometimes it works well if we help each other but this morning I clearly said twice that I needed space to think and organise stuff and DP stood about getting in the way asking about irrelevant stuff and nagging the kids

All seems a bit tit for tat and each one worried about doing more than the other

Because he is getting ready for work himself (downstairs bathroom) and he tries to do 2 things at once.

I would say bags and everything organised the night before but often I can't be arsed to follow this advice myself and so make the morning more stressful. Am getting better though

Then he needs to get ready earlier

Leave him to do the morning routine - it’s not complicated as unless they are babies they can get themselves ready. DH did mornings and I did after school. Much less hassle than two of you getting involved.

Can he go to his workspace, shut the door and put headphones in?

Exactly the same Mandylovescandy.

I'm not worried about who is doing how much etc. I'm trying to meet everyone's needs and keep it simple for DC who gets stressed about being late etc so doesn't need all of DH's nagging and talking about irrelevant stuff.

I'd have just gone to work and let him do the rest. And i would keep on doing that, just taking care of my routine, until he stops being an idiot.

It sounds like you need to simplify your morning routine so there is a lot less stress and drama in the morning.

Bags and coats in the car the night before. Shoes lined up ready to go.

I tried something new today and turned the TV off 15 minutes before we had to leave instead of 5 and this made a big difference so will continue that

redskydarknight I'm trying lol. I get as much ready in the evening as I can.

We chat night before and we agree on something easier for us all then the next day he just goes back to standing near the door shaving whilst chatting irrelevant stuff and nagging them.

We did agree a while ago that they say goodbye to him earlier and he goes into his office but he doesn't do that.

So it's more about him completely going back on what we've agreed.

I think I will disappear into the bathroom tomorrow...

Unless you have about 15 kids, I don't see why it's so complicated to do what you do literally every single day. Breakfast, lunch, clothes, bags. It's not a mission to Mars.

You both seem a bit dramatic to be honest.

Why I posted...I need to know if I'm being dramatic.

I was trying to take that part of the morning away from him and make it calmer so he can get sorted to start work but he insists on doing it all at once.

It all gets done in the end doesn't it? Perhaps I will just get the stuff in the car if he's doing the rest.

How old are your DC’s?

It sounds chaotic. I would just leave him to it and meet them in the car if he wants to do it all.
I never had stressful school mornings, everything done the night before. Same routine every morning. If he's causing the stress leave him to it

Why does it take 15 mins to get them out the door? Shoes on, in car? Done?

Older primary

At that age they get themselves dressed, washed and make breakfast. They sort their school bags the night before and if they don’t make their own lunches (although old enough to do so), these can also be prepared the night before.

Sounds like it’s being over complicated.

I think you're overcomplicating matters.

Let him see it through, then he'll ready himself for work in his own time.

He says I’m blaming him when things go wrong but he can’t pass the baton for the last few minutes

He doesn't really need to pass the baton though, does he? Just let him get everyone in the car then you drive off and he's left in peace.

Then if they are not the point of doing virtually everything for themselves, you need to start moving towards that.
I told my DC from a younger age that we needed everyone to work together to make sure things ran smoothly. That meant they had to pack their own bags (we started with pictures on the fridge when they were quite young, with me checking and progressed to they sorted it all themselves); let me know if they needed anything the night before etc.

I know TV has mixed views, but we found that allowing them to watch tv when they were totally ready to go, including shoes and everything ready - with the only thing left being to put on their coat worked as an incentive.

If you and DH both need to get yourself to work as well then neither of you should be micromanaging this age group.

They check their bags in the morning. Would definitely help if I made the packed lunches the night before. Do as much as poss the night before basically.