School mornings DH working from home

[barrymanilowspiano]

I have agreed with my other half who works from home that I’ll deal with the last 15 mins of getting the kids out the door in the morning as I’m the one who drives them to school. We agreed he can do the breakfast/lunches or anything beforehand if he wants but it’s easier if the one driving (always me) does check bags/shoes/car. I’ve said he can then get ready for work in peace.

We agreed this last night and this morning he's at the door repeating everything I say, getting involved in their arguments, looking for stuff, whatever the last minute drama is. He even gave a speech this morning about behaviour. One of the kids needs calm and simple as he gets overwhelmed and we’ve spoken about this which is why we chatted last night. I know he’s only trying to help but we agree and then he immediately reverts. Bad moods as there are too many conversations flying around!

He says I’m blaming him when things go wrong but he can’t pass the baton for the last few minutes. Is this normal lol. Who can relate?

I think they are as bad as each other - the morning routine isn’t exactly complicated. Their DC’s aren’t babies.

But it’s not always straightforward when one of your DC needs less faff/instructions.

If you've both agreed that it's best for you to deal with the shoes, coats, bags on bit of it and he's standing there ordering them about I would say cheerfully 'ok, it doesn't need two of us to get them out of the door' and go and sit in the car and leave him to it.

This.

If the TV is on at all in the mornings it completely buggers everything.

My DS has ADHD and if the TV is on, he won’t be doing anything towards getting ready. To be fair I’d be the same!

We lay everything out the night before too, because it’s too much otherwise - then neither DS or I is a morning person and it has to be really simple. DS is late primary.

Dd is 16 and does her own thing (and leaves much earlier than DS needs to) but I know she also gets everything ready the night before.

Goodness it all sounds rather complicated. I’ve 7 children myself. At one point 5 were 4yrs and under including twins and school mornings were never that complicated.

i do agree though, it was much easier on the days hubby wasn’t home interfering 🙈😂. Sometimes two many hands makes life a little harder.

Pack ups done the night but most importantly you need to get those kids to be more self reliant. They should be able to grab there lunches, and everything they need on there own without being micromanaged. And you know what if they forget something, let them, don’t go back for it, they will soon remember in the future. They are old enough to be responsible for themselves. They should be old enough to grab their own breakfast, leaving you both to organise yourself with the odd parenting prompts. I plan what times things should be done and prompt them as and when ‘have you grabbed breakfast’ by say 0730, ‘teeth brushed’ at 0800hrs, and so on all while I’m getting sorted, doing my housework (I like to do it in mornings before setting off). I have quite a strict routine myself. But honestly the key to it is letting the kids manage themselves and let them forget things that’s on them it teaches them responsibility xx

Im fairly sure your child is flustered because there isn't an established routine.

My 7 year old has breakfast, gets dressed, brushes his teeth - the exact same routine every morning. It's only 3 things. He easily knows what comes next and doesn't need any support. He's probably done it this way for 2 years.

My 12 year old gets up to his own alarm, gets dressed, brushed teeth and goes to catch his bus. He has breakfast at school.

I definitely think your morning sound overly stressful and complicated. Your children need routine and responsibility. Take the guesswork out of it then noone can feel flustered.

Aaaaargh dp does this. He used to do the school run but now I do due to changes in our work schedule but he cannot help interfering. I leave too early (i prefer to allow 5 mins breathing space) so when I'm chivvying dc he says 'it's OK, you don't HAVE to leave so early' and also constantly tells me where he used to park, and also tries to get me to drop our older DC off when they cba to walk whereas I think the walk is good for them. He is apologetic but can't help feeling his way of doing things is better. I have no answers, it's one of the few things we argue about, but you are not alone!

Except all OP is doing is getting their shoes on and getting them in the car which apparently takes her 15 minutes he's doing everything else!

They can put their own shoes on and get in the car at the right time - doesn’t need any parental supervision.

And how does your husband respond to you when you tell him to leave you to it, in the moment?

Because honestly I'd have got a bit cross, and either told him to butt out completely or given him the car keys and told him to do the lot.

Is he suffering from anxiety or is he ND?

The way to get around this is to get him to either sleep in or get ready at least 30 minutes earlier and shut himself away in his office, and stay there.

You're not fussed about doing the donkey work, so you should have everything ready the night before so nobody is running around like a headless hen.

Whether he sleeps in or shuts himself away, it's important for the sake of everyone's sanity to keep him from causing stress in the mornings. He should be forbidden from sticking his beak in and ordered out if he puts in an appearance. Tell him you have everything under control and to butt out, in no uncertain terms.

The handing over the baton arrangement is daft.

Because he's a pillock who has to show everyone Who's In Charge and can't stand the feeling that his presence is irrelevant to the morning operation.

He's doing a performance pater familias shtick to boost his own ego.