To exchange this gift/get refund?

[PussInBin20]

It feels like IABU as it seems a nice gift but what do you think?

About 3 weeks ago I saw that my necklace was gone from my neck - a gold chain with a small St. Christopher pendant on it. I was a bit upset as my DM got this for me 25 yrs ago as a gift before I went travelling for a few months - it felt like a good luck charm.

A couple of days later, the chain of the necklace weirdly turned up on my doorstep when I was cleaning my car, but there was a gap in a loop which is why the pendant fell off. I looked around but couldn’t find it in the house or outside so I gave up hope.

Then last week whilst sorting out some washing, out fell the St. Christopher. I was so happy it wasn’t lost and said so to DH as I felt it was extremely lucky to find both parts.

This week was my Birthday and DH had got me a new chain and new St Christopher (he obviously got it before my find).

However, I want to exchange/get a refund but DH is annoyed as he thinks the one he bought is better. Even though I explained why I was upset at losing the original in the first place, he doesn’t seem to understand that it was a meaningful gift to me/has sentimental value.

He then tried to diss the original necklace and said how he had spent £230 on this new one. This then annoyed me a bit because I always tell him I don’t need or want expensive jewellery (and never wear expensive items) as I prefer more simple stuff.
It just seemed to me like he spent that much for his benefit and not mine and he has a habit of always telling me how much he has spent which I find a bit off.

However it was more the fact that he just didn’t get why I wouldn’t want a new replica necklace - it wasn’t that I particularly loved that type of pendant, it was the meaning of it that meant something, and had memories for me. This is the reason it was special to me and so it couldn’t just be replaced with a newer (bigger) more expensive version.

He got annoyed that I wanted to swap it. But now I know how much he spent I am thinking of buying something completely different, like a picture or a floor lamp!

AIBU?

If he doesn’t understand this I don’t think he ever will. He sounds like a complete idiot. You’re not wrong at all.

I would keep & wear his one and put your mums one away to keep safe as it’s special and irreplaceable

DH was probably really pleased to have thought of buying you this special gift to make up for the one you lost. He may now be very hurt that his gift means absolutely nothing to you, no sentimental value at all, whereas your mum's is everything.
TBH I think you've been thoughtless and may have some bridges to build!

Totally agree

Agree too

Wear them both.
He did a lovely thing. Don’t trash it.

He was thoughtful and kind and you have just flung that back in his face. You can wear this one more of the time, and keep the more sentimental one for special occasions.

I agree that’s what he was probably thinking, that it was a good idea to replace it but I think he is the thoughtless one for not understanding the sentiment 🤷‍♀️

To me it’s like if you got sent a Birthday card from The Queen (the previous one) but lost it and then he buys me another Birthday card with a similar picture on the front for example, it just wouldn’t really be the same.

Wear the old pendant on the new chain (as clearly the old one has worn) and exchange the new charm for another to wear simultaneously or keep in reserve. This was an incredibly thoughtful gift, even if it missed the mark for you.

I totally understand where you're coming from & he sounds as shallow as a puddle not to understand where you're coming from.

but in the other hand, I don't think you're helping the situation.

he thought he'd found you a great, personal gift, but now the original has turned up you want to exchange it for something non personal like a floor lamp!

why can't you exchange it for a piece of jewellery you will wear & both like. Maybe very plain bangle I don't really wear jewellery, but I do wear a plain bangle.

have you had your original one mended properly so it can happen again??

This one has its own sentimental value! That your DH thought of getting it for you because he knew how upset you were to lose yours? Surely that means something too?

I'm feeling sorry for the poor bugger.

It may not be the same as in it isn't the one that your DM gave you , but presumably he thought you liked it and wore it because you liked it as a piece of jewellery rather than just because it was something your DM had given you. I would be inclined to wear his and keep the sentimental one safe. I think you have been quite unpleasant to him.

Well no, sorry. Are you really saying that you would love the Birthday card your DH got you as a replacement to the one The Queen sent, in the same way?

It’s not the same, but it is still a really nice gift which shows how much your DH was thinking of you. It would be horrible to exchange it for a lamp, imo. Even if you rarely wear it, it’s still something which can be a reminder of your mum’s gift and of DH’s kindness.

I would keep both having such a loving husband.

The two situations aren't remotely comparable. Getting a birthday card from the late Queen was an exceptional circumstance, and only achieved by reaching your 100th birthday. Getting a necklace from your ma, not so much.

The man thought he was doing a good thing, replacing the necklace that you cherished, and you have just rained all over his parade.

Why does it mean so much to you that your mother gave you a necklace, and so little that your DH does? I've necklaces my late parents gave me and I cherish them, especially as they've been gone for too many years now.

If I lost one and DH tried to replace it (he couldn't because they're fairly unique; a St Christopher isn't), I would be so chuffed!!

You sound like hard work tbh.

To me it’s like if you got sent a Birthday card from The Queen (the previous one) but lost it and then he buys me another Birthday card with a similar picture on the front for example, it just wouldn’t really be the same.

No, they are both thoughtful gifts from beloved family members. I think you've been really hurtful.

Wear and keep both. And say thanks.

I completely understand you both, but I’m a complete sentimental sod so I understand the new one would never be the same as the original - in his position I’d give him a large kiss and a cuddle as a thank you but ask him to exchange his gift, and I’d hope he’d understand,

This. Why can't you wear his every day and save the heirloom for special occasions?

I don't blame him for feeling rejected.

Have to admit I’m on team husband for this one.

He clearly bought gave you a gift of something you like and lost. Put your mum’s necklace away and pass down when the time is right and wear the one he got you because he loves you.

Or whatever buy a lamp or some slippers that you’ll throw out in a year or two.

I think it was a very thoughtful gift from him, even though I understand that the original is sentimental I think he was really trying to be kind. I agree with others that you could keep the original safe and wear the gift.

💯 this.

Had you not found the one your DM gave you, this would have been such a lovely gift. I think you’re being rather thoughtless here.

An idiot? Wow. 🙄

Why can't you wear both at different times?

You need a new chain anyway so you may as well keep that part of the gift. Can you and your husband go together to exchange the St Christopher pendant for something new that has meaning for your marriage. Either another pendant, or a pair of earrings perhaps.
Don't ask for a lamp.