To exchange this gift/get refund?

[PussInBin20]

It feels like IABU as it seems a nice gift but what do you think?

About 3 weeks ago I saw that my necklace was gone from my neck - a gold chain with a small St. Christopher pendant on it. I was a bit upset as my DM got this for me 25 yrs ago as a gift before I went travelling for a few months - it felt like a good luck charm.

A couple of days later, the chain of the necklace weirdly turned up on my doorstep when I was cleaning my car, but there was a gap in a loop which is why the pendant fell off. I looked around but couldn’t find it in the house or outside so I gave up hope.

Then last week whilst sorting out some washing, out fell the St. Christopher. I was so happy it wasn’t lost and said so to DH as I felt it was extremely lucky to find both parts.

This week was my Birthday and DH had got me a new chain and new St Christopher (he obviously got it before my find).

However, I want to exchange/get a refund but DH is annoyed as he thinks the one he bought is better. Even though I explained why I was upset at losing the original in the first place, he doesn’t seem to understand that it was a meaningful gift to me/has sentimental value.

He then tried to diss the original necklace and said how he had spent £230 on this new one. This then annoyed me a bit because I always tell him I don’t need or want expensive jewellery (and never wear expensive items) as I prefer more simple stuff.
It just seemed to me like he spent that much for his benefit and not mine and he has a habit of always telling me how much he has spent which I find a bit off.

However it was more the fact that he just didn’t get why I wouldn’t want a new replica necklace - it wasn’t that I particularly loved that type of pendant, it was the meaning of it that meant something, and had memories for me. This is the reason it was special to me and so it couldn’t just be replaced with a newer (bigger) more expensive version.

He got annoyed that I wanted to swap it. But now I know how much he spent I am thinking of buying something completely different, like a picture or a floor lamp!

AIBU?

OK this is my thought process. I appreciate this won't be the same for everyone.

Say it's a daisy pendant.

I now have two daisy pendants, one of which was a gift from a cherished family member on a significant birthday, that I have worn on a daily basis for almost 20 years. Other of which was bought to replace the original daisy necklace, which whilst thoughtful, doesn't carry anywhere the same significance as the original. Now the original one has been found, I don't need the replacement one, as I intend to wear the original one as I have done every day for almost 20 years. In all likelihood the replacement one will go in a box never to see the light of day unless my partner made me feel obliged to wear it. Which seems to huge waste (to me and my partner - also a pragmatist - as he would agree).

What are you really annoyed about op, is it that it feels like a waste of a present now that you have found the original and you'd rather the money to buy a lamp?

I agree with pp that your DH probably thought he was being very thoughtful replacing an important necklace and pendant for you.
I think you should recognise that and accept the gift gracefully, and wear it on special occasions.

Team Husband here. You've been very insensitive. Poor bloke

This is exactly my point. Thankyou.

Agree totally.

I am willing to accept I am partially unreasonable lol.

I think he was just being practical, like to him, he saw that I lost a necklace and thought he would simply replace it. Unfortunately the new necklace just doesn’t have the same sentimental value to me and not something I would have chosen for myself.

Maybe I am just more emotional about this kind of stuff.

It would have meant more if he had got me a different pendant, as it wasn’t really about the actual St Christopher itself.

Anyway thanks all. I take on board your comments and I won’t buy the lamp. I will swap the pendant to another one and put on his chosen chain.

I will get the original necklace repaired as there really is no point in having two.

This thread has been posted on the mirror

Wow, poor guy. He was trying to do something nice! Wear both and be grateful.

To me he tried to do a thoughtful and nice thing and you threw it back at him. I'd probably be a bit hurt as well.

I agree that’s what he was probably thinking, that it was a good idea to replace it but I think he is the thoughtless one for not understanding the sentiment 🤷‍♀️

I'm not sure you understand sentiment OP. The necklace your mum got for you didn't have sentimental value on the day you received it, it's something that's developed over time. Why would it not develop for the new necklace in the same way? Instead your DH tried to do a nice thing and had it thrown back in his face.

The queen seriously what age are you as you sound like a petulant teenager right now your poor partner cant do right for doing wrong by sounds of it feel sorry for him myself

But when he bought the replacement, the original hadn't been found and he was doing the best he could to make you feel better about losing it. He tried his hardest and whilst I know that now the original has been found, the new one won't be the same, I think you need to cut him some slack for trying his best to make you feel better.

I would either keep both, or maybe trade in the new one for another special piece of jewellry

I think i agree here as well. It was such a thoughtful gesture. I'm not sure many men would have done that.

He was probably pleased with himself because he knew you loved the first St.Christopher so thought you'd love the one he got you. Now he's annoyed. Could you wear the new chain with old St Christopher on it?

He needs to understand that you should be sensible here. You have found the original, sentimental one now so it would be a waste to not change his gift for something else. Maybe let him choose another jewellery item himself, so that too can have it's own sentimental value. Let him know how thoughtful he was and how much you appreciate him finding another St Christopher but little point having two, hey. He should grasp this.

Yabu OP. While I get the sentimental value of the first necklace, it is possible to have more than one item of jewellery some sentimental and some not but special for other reasons, and to wear all of them at different times without it being an issue!
Now if he were to say you’d never to wear the first one again or became huffy every time you wore it, that would be different.
Just keep and enjoy them both for what they are.

I think your POV is quite hurtful. Put yourself in his shoes, if it was me and I was told this comparison I’d be really hurt.
wear his one. Keep your mums one somewhere safe so you don’t lose it again