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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband doesnt wear his wedding ring

103 replies

NavyFox · 26/11/2024 19:41

Hi, I got married a year ago. My husband always takes his wedding ring off for football, taking a shower, washing the pots. However, he often doesn't put it back on. He can go for days without wearing it until I say something. Last week I said you're not wearing your ring and he put it on. Later that night it was off again and he said its coz he washed the pots.
I am very hurt by it and took my rings and his and put them away in a box. I told him I won't be wearing them and if people ask why I'm not wearing them, I will just tell them the truth. He doesn't care and hasn't asked me about them since. I raised it again the other day and he just looked at me. Again, he hasn't asked about them or offered to wear them. I am really fed up at the moment and to be honest have considered leaving. I've told him so many times it's an important thing to me but he doesn't seem to care.

OP posts:
RobertaFirmino · 26/11/2024 20:00

Neither me or DH has a ring at all. We couldn't see the point, he's a joiner so it would be a H&S risk and I've got deformities in both hands so would probably have ended up needing it cut off.

Halo20 · 26/11/2024 20:05

My husband never wears his either and it really doesnt bother me. He drives a lorry, doesnt a lot of manual lifting and plays golf so on a practical level it makes sense not to.

I enjoy wearing mine so do and thats the reason I have more expensive rings and we spent £60 on his.

lizzyBennet08 · 26/11/2024 20:05

Omg. It always astonishes me that people would consider leaving something as serious as a marriage over something so minor .
It feels like maybe you weren't mature enough to get married maybe. Are you very young?

ThatBusyPanda · 26/11/2024 20:08

I think people are being quite unfair to you. It’s obviously an issue for you and I think it would be for me too - a ring is a sign of commitment and by not wearing it, it’s like he’s advertising to the world that he’s single. I’m not sure I’d consider leaving over it but I would be hurt, you’re entitled to your feelings! Speak to him xx

okydokethen · 26/11/2024 20:08

Oh god who cares. I don't wear mine - part feminist statement part fat fingers.
I find the symbolism odd, belonging to someone but more often than not it's only the woman who wears the rings.

MillyMichaelson · 26/11/2024 20:10

She can have feelings @Bridgetomalley but she's having a sulk to try to compel someone to do something they don't want to.

A husband pulling tantrums to get his wife to wear her wedding ring would be called abusive and controlling on here.

BeeDavis · 26/11/2024 20:13

I’m currently not wearing mine.. my husband has his on constantly. Who cares.

Cosyblankets · 26/11/2024 20:14

It's a ring
It's not a ball and chain
It's not a padlock

Pinkpurpletulips · 26/11/2024 20:15

My husband doesn't have one to wear. My father didn't have one either. Nor my grandfather. I told my fiancé that the sooner he got the idea that any spare money was spent on jewellery for me the happier we'd be. We've been married over 30 years. Some people just don't like wearing rings very much. Wedding rings for men are a relatively new idea - maybe around the first world war.

DanielaDressen · 26/11/2024 20:15

I haven’t worn mine for 20 years. I can’t even tell you if dh wears his. 🤷‍♀️. I don’t like the feel of rings.

Topee · 26/11/2024 20:16

I don’t wear mine. I took it off after about a month and it’s not been back on since. I’m still very much married though.

Alwaystired23 · 26/11/2024 20:16

Why is it so important he wears his ring? I'm not being goady. But if you can get to the route of what makes you upset about it and him not wearing it, maybe you can explain it to your husband better? Do you see it as he's not committed? He's not showing other women he's now unavailable? DH and I both remove our rings regularly. As a nurse, I need to wash my hands a lot. In this weather, my finger can get really sore and chapped under the ring. I haven't worn my ring for weeks. Dh had his on today, but he's removed it now as he's working outside. We just don't place the importance on a piece of jewellery. That said, it is important to you, so you need to explain to your husband why it is upsetting you.

GivingUpFinally · 26/11/2024 20:17

Married young and been together for over 20 years. I've worn mine 3 x in the last 10 years. He took his off on honeymoon the second day we were married and hasn't worn it since.

We both know we're married and committed to eachother as do the people in our lives who matter to us.

I don't care whether someone thinks we are or are not married when together or out on our own.

Have ypu asked yourself why it bothers you so much? It's just a symbol or marriage. Your commitment and views are what counts.

HideousKinky · 26/11/2024 20:18

My DH only wore his for a short time when we were first married.

We've been married 37 years now.
Don't read too much into it

Cinai2 · 26/11/2024 20:18

I think you’re too dramatic here…I like to wear mine and so does my husband, but we sometimes take it off for certain things and just forget to put it back on. Your DH puts it on when you remind him, yes hopefully he’ll get better at remembering it by himself since you told him it’s important to you, but to reconsider your marriage because of it is an overreaction.

Tia86 · 26/11/2024 20:18

This sounds very childish and petty. He doesn't wear his so you stopped wearing yours, and now you want to leave him over this!

Is there another reason you are so upset about him not wanting to wear it?

HelterSkelter224 · 26/11/2024 20:19

My husband hasn't worn his since the day he was married, he just doesn't like wearing it. I didn't take his name, I just didn't want to 🤷‍♀️ We've been happily married 10 years, these things just don't matter.

LifeisNOTlikeemmerdalefarm · 26/11/2024 20:20

How ridiculous

Bridgetomalley · 26/11/2024 20:21

MillyMichaelson · 26/11/2024 20:10

She can have feelings @Bridgetomalley but she's having a sulk to try to compel someone to do something they don't want to.

A husband pulling tantrums to get his wife to wear her wedding ring would be called abusive and controlling on here.

Well presumably the rings were exchanged at the wedding ceremony.

Presumably her DH was agreeable to the exchange of rings or do you think OP was " controlling" and made her future DH agree to the exchange of rings?

And I would assume OP quite naturally expected that her DH would wear his ring after the ceremony because, despite the number of posters on this thread saying the rings are meaningless to them, most people who exchange rings actually wear them.

If her DH had no intention of wearing the ring he should have been upfront with her before the ceremony and told her that was his intention.

So how is it OP is "controlling" but her DH is allowed to be less than honest about his dismissive opinion of the symbolism his wedding ring?

JawsCushion · 26/11/2024 20:24

You've been married five minutes and already you're not communicating. If you think he's not wearing it because he want to cheat then you have a huge problem. You having a tantrum and he has a problem. Sort your communication styles out otherwise the rings will be irrelevant as you'll be divorced.

Original poster
NavyFox · 26/11/2024 20:24

Yes there is more going on, I've not been happy with him for lots of reasons - the list is too long for this post. Maybe him not wearing it just signifies to me that there are problems and he isn't committed. There's no communication, he doesn't talk or open up. I've told him I don't feel like I even know him. So many times I've mentioned the ring and how I feel but it goes in one ear and out the other. This has been the case for lots of things over the years. I wouldn't leave him for not wearing a ring, I am just truly fed up of him in general. Yes I am a bit crazy, I have GAD which doesn't help although I am forever trying to battle it. For those saying I am young, I am 33 and we've been together nearly 10 years but married 1.

OP posts:
Herewegoagain8 · 26/11/2024 20:25

I never take mine off but DH very rarely wears his. It used to bother me a little to begin with but not at all now. Is there more to it as in you think he might not wear it out as he doesn’t want woman to know he’s married and would cheat if the opportunity arose?

My DH sometimes makes an effort to wear his if he goes out on night out or to the pub as though it will put my mind at rest, it doesn’t make a difference as I trust him whether he’s wearing his ring or not which is why I ask if there’s underlying worries OP?

MermaidEyes · 26/11/2024 20:30

Being brutal here, but it seems to me from your update you should never have bothered getting married at all. Issues in relationships don't suddenly resolve themselves with a bit of paper and a ring.

Moversnotshakers · 26/11/2024 20:33

My DH said he wouldnt wear a ring before we got married. He just hates jewellry and wont even wear a watch. He did exchange rings on our wedding day with a cheap silver band which i now wear on my thumb. I couldnt care less that he doesnt wear it we still adore each other..

Walker1178 · 26/11/2024 20:34

Does he wear any jewellery? I’m not married but DP and I have discussed wedding rings, he doesn’t wear any jewellery, rarely even puts his watch on so he’s not sure how he’d feel with a wedding ring. He’s happy to try when the time comes but I’m equally happy that it just might not be for him. Wouldn’t make any difference to me and I certainly wouldn’t let it influence whether I wear one or not.