DS15 just gets into bed after school

[Crazystupidlove55]

What are your teenage sons doing after school, I know they need extra sleep, but he wants/tries to do this most days…for an hour or two, then he won’t sleep til late, and he’s rubbish in the mornings.

I need advice on getting him out of this, he has a gym membership, he has a fairly new gf he goes for walks with here and there, he’s annoyed with mocks he’s just finished as I don’t think he’s done as well as he’d hoped. He sometimes walks the dog, and he sort of keeps his room tidy…

He’s so grumpy and teenage!
AIBU? Should I leave him to it?

If he's up gaming/on a screen absolutely put a stop to it. Otherwise I would gently encourage him to only have a very quick nap.

He is on his phone, and I’ve threatened to put screen limits back on if things don’t improve. I put them on yesterday and he lost his mind as he doesn’t think he should have them on.

We insisted on bed times for teenagers and devices left in kitchen.
If he is healthy sleeping after school daily isn't a need.

Our teenagers did homework, chores, sport, clubs, reading, chillled with friends (sometimes gaming) after school.

I used to go to bed after school between about 13-16 I don’t know why for sure but looking back I really think it was my undiagnosed coeliac disease. I was absolutely exhausted and couldn’t walk another step.

could it be a diet/ medical thing?? Otherwise teenagers do need loads of sleep as they are growing lots

I did this as a teen through utter exhaustion. I may be autistic (DD1 is diagnosed). I found high school so tiring.

Take the phone away no phone in bedrooms full stop.

I do try and think of the positives. He eats okay - not enough fruit and veg these days, but three meals, and he’s grown tall and skinny and quite focussed on wanted to bulk up and work out at the gym - though he hasn’t been that often.

He is in school, and for the most part behaves okay, but he hasn’t had lates and detentions for poor behaviour and rudeness which is disappointing.

My son is 16, he doesn't get enough sleep during the week but makes up for it at the weekend. After school he is often tired but he doesn't nap. He does, however, spend all evening on his computer and rarely does anything else.

When my teen dn was sleeping after school she was diagnosed with glandular fever.
Very common in that age group, does he have any other symptoms?

If he is Year 11, that was a very full on, tiring year. My son was quite drained I think.

Yeah he’s year 11, he is sleeping a lot. At weekends he sleeps til as late as possible, usually can get him to have shower by 11/12 midday which I suppose isn’t so bad, but just feels he’s not doing anything, coupled with being so grumpy.

he’ll be up shortly for dinner and will just be in a mood for an hour, and then he’ll be wired all evening and wants to go out for a walk to burn energy…

I kept phone and gaming limits on until after the last GCSE exam. He shouldn't need to sleep after school.

It could be just the fact that he's Year 11. It's so full on with lots of pressure and testing at school. My son was really grumpy last year. I just let him do what he wanted to chill out - he's Year 12 now and much less grumpy.

How much homework and revision is he doing? Sounds like an avoidance tactic to me. My ds and does around 2 hrs of homework, an hour of gaming, an hour of swim training and maybe some TV and a shower before bed around 10. His napping then staying up late gaming are really bad habits and I would put the screen limits back on...so what if he gets angry, you're his parent and this is what's best for him.

My son had been unwell and started becoming difficult to wake in the mornings, exhausted when he came home from school, slept a lot at the weekend. This was back in the summer term, he was in Year 8. After numerous GP appointments and hospital appointments, he was diagnosed with reactivated Epstein-Barr Virus - it's a virus that most children catch before the age of 5, usually displaying little to no symptoms. It lays dormant in the body, and it the person becomes run down, it can reactive itself. It causes Glandular Fever type symptoms and in some cases leads to Glandular Fever and in extreme cases causes ME/CFS. It's very common from early teens to early 20s.

I’d prob get his bloods checked make sure he does not have a thyroid prob.
does he have adhd by any chance?

I think you need to establish if he’s actually experiencing abnormal fatigue or he’s being a lazy git.

No adhd or ASD. He’s generally well in himself otherwise…

I’ve recently been diagnosed thyroid issues and on medication. So good idea to look into this and will get him a gp appointment and perhaps blood test.

I'd put some restrictions on screen time, before bed. Encourage him to have a sensible bedtime.

He's not an adult. He's not even finished his gcses. What makes him think he shouldn't have limits?

I wouldn't be taking him to the dr with tiredness, only to admit he's up until late on his phone.

What time is he going to bed? And what do you mean by he lost his mind? What did he do?

So he stays up late, and sleeps about the same as an average person overall?

Leave all his devices in kitchen at 9.30 pm.
Might sort your problems.

He just gets really angry, and demanding. I made an agreement last night that if he could get up without issue, he could have them off. But they are back on now as he’s been asleep again, two days after school. It’s been quite hellish with his attitude toward me, he doesn’t have any respect for me.

Maybe 8 hours in total yes. More if I leave him to sleep after school… or if I’m at work and have no control over him sleeping til I get in.

The very fact that he's had detentions for lateness and rudeness, combined with a propensity towards excessive sleeping and 'grumpiness' etc suggests all is NOT well with him.