DS15 just gets into bed after school

[Crazystupidlove55]

What are your teenage sons doing after school, I know they need extra sleep, but he wants/tries to do this most days…for an hour or two, then he won’t sleep til late, and he’s rubbish in the mornings.

I need advice on getting him out of this, he has a gym membership, he has a fairly new gf he goes for walks with here and there, he’s annoyed with mocks he’s just finished as I don’t think he’s done as well as he’d hoped. He sometimes walks the dog, and he sort of keeps his room tidy…

He’s so grumpy and teenage!
AIBU? Should I leave him to it?

He’s going out for walks late in the evening? Is he going alone? And coming back at what sort of time and grumpy about screen time limits?

My teenager wouldn't have any devices for a month or two acting like that except for homework. Step up.

Rude to you and his teachers...

What are the consequences for this?

What does his dad think?

Same.

He’s not so helpful. We are separated.

My partner tries to talk to him about his behaviour. DS is respectful to my partner, well he doesn’t speak to him how he speaks to me.

I know I need to be firmer.

Either with the dog or with a girl friend or the girl he is newly seeing. Not late, usually tell him to be in by 9. Have tracker on and can see he just goes for a long walk around the block.

grumpy in general, he’ll be awful tonight as I’m putting limits back on…

Just don't react to his grumpiness. You've set your boundary and he can be grumpy if he likes. Give it a week or two and he'll realise you mean it and won't waste us energy on it all.

I think you may be giving him too much to push back on, I personally feel that Y11 is a bit old for screen time controls and they need to start to regulate themselves, if that means spending far too long on it, so be it.

We did however, have a "phone charges downstairs" overnight rule until gcses. Both my kids adhered to this (one with much more grumbling) but were still quiete capable of pottering around until midnight. Teens sleep is weird, dont try and force them into what you think they should be doing. They can face the consequences of being late (I would have words about rudeness) but if they've nothing on, let them sleep until lunchtime at the weekend, you say you can usually get him in the shower by 11/12, that sounds like a lot of nagging and micromanaging which gives him something to resent you for

I used to come home and fall asleep in front of the fire/on the sofa until dinner time. I was always exhausted after school. Never really an issue, although I didn't get much homework done I'll admit!

Such conflicting views! It’s so hard, I do think there needs to be screen time limits, I can only see when he’s last been on snap chat so don’t know if he’s been on TikTok or others, so no idea when he’s actually stopping.

He can’t regulate his time on it, so much so that he doesn’t really do anything else. He’s not done enough revision, I know this because I don’t think he’s getting the grades he was targetted.

I think the easiest option, would be turn them off and just leave him to it, but he will just continue this cycle - the attitude is really getting me down.

feels like lose lose situation…

DD15 does the same. Her phone is also taken at 10pm and she has no TV/laptop in her room, so it’s not an issue of too much screen time. I think she’s just knackered.

At this age my kids were up at 7am latest had to be at bus stop 7.45am, a 10 min drive away and then 45 min on bus to school. Only 30 min lunch and reverse coming back. My DD always passed out as soon as she sat down. DS wasn't quite so bad. All teenagers are not the same sleep wise same as all adults. I am always asleep by 10pm, no trouble sleeping, my sister 1am or later and doesn't sleep well.
Our body clocks are all different and school can be exhausting. I hope your son is well, all teenagers are grumpy and it's always Mums fault, I've had 4, it does get better ish!

My son was like this last year in year 11. I think everything was just so full on with school and revision he was exhausted when he got home. I tried to make sure he didn’t sleep for too long so that he’d still sleep ok at night but wasn’t always successful.

I did this too. I was just exhausted. Sometimes I slept right through to next morning. I do have an auto immune disease but school and growing was exhausting

They get tired when they're growing apparently ie he's having a growth spurt

Just let his tired self do what he needs

OP you are his parent.

Would you and your partner consider sitting down together, explaining to your son that you’ve got it wrong and now no devices go in bedrooms? Then set screen time limits because we know no one can self regulate on these devices.

You're his mum and he needs you to set the boundaries.

I napped at boarding school from 4-6pm every day at that age too. I loved it, then would wake up for the dinner bell.
I would go back to sleep around 11 but that was before smartphones so there was literally nothing to do in my room apart from read which makes you sleepy.
I would say no TV in room and devices left in kitchen after 11pm.

My teen often comes home and spends an hour in bed with his phone. Usually under the covers now it's getting cold and he has a cold! But when it's warmer, he just lies on top of his bed. My younger DC comes home and lies on the sofa for an hour after school with his phone.

After an hour of unwinding they usually get up and do something like play computer games with friends, go out, go to a sport club, go to cadets or whatever.

I don't see an issue with unwinding after school for an hour or two. Probably not great to lie in bed all evening every evening though.

Does he do any clubs? (Football? Or something?) Does he have mates he chats to online?

Also kids really can't regulate screen time as it's so addictive. I found my young cousin on his switch at 3am once when he stayed over one night. I was shocked he'd stayed up so late. You really need to remove the phone.

I’ve set limits to make it block at 11 tonight, but because he’s kicked off so much, it’s blocked altogether from now. He swore at me and called me a f*ing trampy b**ch…

Then he just hounds me, asking why I’ve blocked it, and continually asking why, why why… so I had to get outside. Not giving in.

Oh no OP that's disgusting behaviour! I'm sorry. Well done and he will get over it eventually.

He sounds ok. Some positives. Mine in constantly tired and I can’t stoo it. Bed 1015-30 up at 7. I know he often finds it hard to concentrate. He often gets into bed after school. Is yours tired? If not I’d leave it. All this crazy GCSE pressure is enough to exhaust anyone

I do block internet on his devices 10 on school nights and 11 at weekends. And phone out of room most of the time. He isn’t happy about it but what choice do I have when he is tired

Poor you. Is his dad around? Would be good to have some support. I am a single parent and this GCSE year have really felt the pressure of not having support