Narcissistic personality disorder

[mummabearxoo]

How does one attempt to help someone with Narcissistic personality disorder..

I've watched my husband grow from a boy to a man, once apon a time he was normal and with adulthood he just got worse and worse. This is a mentally deluded man who truly believes he is the gift of good, he sees himself as an extremely important person who no one can live without, he's super hot headed and you have to watch your words when in conversation with him because somehow he turns every comment into a negative. He believes there's no one out there quite like him and everyone should be lucky to have him, however he also has good traits he is very caring and protective to the people he loves, he is a great dad and his ways never actually show around the children. He's has just lost the last good friend he has because of the bullshit he spews, he cannot be told, he is always right, he doesn't think there is anything wrong with him. I believe he is mentally unwell. You may think I'm a fool for wanting to help but I'm the only person this man has left. Is it a lost cause, is there a way to help?

My children don't see him this way, when the kids are around it's almost like a show, it's normal.. they are 6 and 3

Our relationship is rocky to say the least, I've adjusted to his behaviours and learnt to not poke the bear. But of course I do not want to live my life walking on eggshells.. our kids see us happy and fun, behind that there's a lot of unsolved problems and issues obviously

In my personal experience you leave. And then you spend time to rebuild your broken self esteem and start to feel well again. And after that you enjoy your life again. Sorry, OP, but in my experience they do not change. I went to therapy to learn how to communicate better with my ex, and when I said some of the things out of loud it made me realise I was in an abusive relationship. Good luck x

"he is very caring and protective to the people he loves"

Does this include you?

You both need therapy.

You can’t just pseudo diagnose NPD.

If you are not happy. Leave!

Yes me included he would not let a soul disrespect or hurt me other than himself of course with his words.

This is actually diagnosed but in the early stages, it has gotten much worse but he doesn't think so

You can't, they don't want help because they don't see anything wrong with themselves. He'll only be kind when you are useful and going along with his wants but once you start to go against him and are no longer a yes man. Then he'll turn on you. The charming , caring person is a mask. He couldn't care less about you or anyone.

Intensive psychotherapy! Ideally schema therapy. And even then there needs to be a level of insight and willingness to engage.

When he was around 19-20 he had regular appointments with doctors/ psychiatrist due to childhood trauma and unhealthy behaviours, it when on for a while he was diagnosed as BPD and NPD. Around 21he stopped going things was ok for a few years he was on antidepressants and then he started going to the gym is ego grew and things went downhill slowly and this leads us to now

Normal is not "a show".

NPD is incurable, a quick google will tell you that. Even therapy is often completely useless as the person with NPD will either get the therapist onside with their charm or will use the sessions to learn how to be even more manipulative.
You're a pawn to him. He'll be nice when you're useful and playing the game and turn on you when you're not. There isn't the self awareness or authenticity for any kind of depth to your relationship. It can only ever be superficial and transactional. He would drop you like a stone without a second thought if you weren't useful, he will use you and feel he is entitled to treat you however he sees fit. There is no helping him, this relationship will always be toxic.

You have an inflated opinion of yourself if you believe he needs you to help him and you’re the only one who can. And it was naive to have kids with someone with two personality disorders, what was that about?

I disagree. I think if he is a true narcissist, which he might be, given what you are describing, even small children pick up on the most nuanced narcissistic micro aggression, and thus definitely will have a long term effect on them. More over, as the children grow, it may come to a point when they are older, that your husband will choose his golden child, over the other child, who in turn will become another target of his narcissistic judgments and manipulation. It messes up your self perception, and the perception of the world around you, you grow up severely doubting yourself. This is what happened to myself and my siblings. I think narcissists are definitely capable of love, and being kind to the people they care about, but I think it’s very conditional and done through the prism of their all encompassing narcissism. Always stand up for your kids when he is in the wrong. As parents you think that you would be a team for your children, but narcissists don’t think that way. Sounds like your relationship with him is all about not upsetting him, or getting him into a narcissistic rage. What kind of life is that? This is not good for your kids.

This isn’t strictly true. There are therapies specifically designed for this type of entrenched ‘personality’ issues, however they are so specialised it can be difficult to access them. And the person needs to have a level of insight, motivation and willingness to engage too. Most people with high level narcissistic traits will never seek therapy as they do not see anything wrong.