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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell him he left the light on again

80 replies

pain1nthearse · 26/11/2024 03:45

My husband regularly leaves the light on in his office all night long and I usually see it when I get up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night. I turn it off and tell him he’s done it when up in the morning. It really pisses me off, but he often leaves other lights on for hours too…like the bathroom light in the day. So I tell him that too (and turn it off when I see it on). I also get annoyed about the bathroom light because it shines directly into our neighbours little boys bedroom window although he does have what looks like blackout blinds on his window. Some light might get in…I don’t know but I think it makes us look like inconsiderate twats if it’s left on until the early hours.

Tonight, I woke up and could feel that he was awake….he moved around and rolled over etc. Anyway after a minute or so I get up to go to the loo, see the light it is on, turn it off and tell him when I get back into bed that he left it on. He says “oh no did I?! Sorry”. After another 5 mins or so he says “Did you know I was awake when you told me that”. I said yes you were moving around. He responds with “bit of a fucking gamble. It’s only a fucking light”. He’s gone off downstairs in a huff. Now I’m lying here unable to sleep.

i know I should have waited til morning but it happens at least once a week, sometimes more and I thought he was awake (which he was). The irony is he did exactly the same to me….ie just blurted something out when I could have dozed off after first telling him about the light. Seems silly over a light but it’s clearly about me finding his actions inconsiderate (of course he’s not doing it on purpose though) and him thinking I’m nagging I guess.

was I being really unreasonable to raise it as soon as I got back to bed??

OP posts:
Tontostitis · 26/11/2024 05:11

It's fine for him to disturb your neighbours but not fine to disturb him. Twat. It's not only a light It's light pollution, wasting electricity, disturbing a child's sleep and putting work on you. I'd wake him up everytime.

Tireddadplus · 26/11/2024 05:24

I leave the bathroom light on in the day. Drives my better half bonkers. She keeps telling me to turn it off and weirdly enough I have finally started doing so!

Not sure what changed but I completely agree leaving lights on is stupid. Maybe your partner will also realize at some point!

Dimpliy · 26/11/2024 05:26

Sounds like he's deflecting on to you.

Leaving a light on all night unnecessarily is such a waste.

It sounds like you are considerate to worry about a light shining into neighbour's room and that he lacks consideration.

Dimpliy · 26/11/2024 05:29

Tireddadplus · 26/11/2024 05:24

I leave the bathroom light on in the day. Drives my better half bonkers. She keeps telling me to turn it off and weirdly enough I have finally started doing so!

Not sure what changed but I completely agree leaving lights on is stupid. Maybe your partner will also realize at some point!

Why do you need it on in the day? Is it a dark room?

We have a small motion activated light in the bathroom that comes on at night. Putting on the main light is too much at night for sleepy eyes.

Apolloneuro · 26/11/2024 05:50

I know this is going to sound a bit patronising, but sometimes you need to decide not to care about small things. I’m 60 and married for 38 years. My husband never, ever shuts doors and drawers. Used to drive me potty and I’d have a pop about it, but now I just shut them. Life’s too short.

Let’s face it, leaving lights really isn’t that bad. Why don’t you directly ask the neighbours if the light in the bathroom disturbs them? If it does maybe investigate if you can get a light on a timer or something.

Because you’re human, I guarantee you’ve got a habit that could annoy the hell out of him.

BillyNoProblems · 26/11/2024 05:52

Leaving the light on sounds like a non issue, couldn't get worked up about it. I'd be frustrated that my partner kept bringing up such a small thing. But if it annoys you that much, replace the light bulbs with smart lights so you can turn them off from your phone. You can see which lights are on in the app and switch on/off, it's very handy. Ikea has a system or try Philips Hue.

Kosenrufugirl · 26/11/2024 05:55

Apolloneuro · 26/11/2024 05:50

I know this is going to sound a bit patronising, but sometimes you need to decide not to care about small things. I’m 60 and married for 38 years. My husband never, ever shuts doors and drawers. Used to drive me potty and I’d have a pop about it, but now I just shut them. Life’s too short.

Let’s face it, leaving lights really isn’t that bad. Why don’t you directly ask the neighbours if the light in the bathroom disturbs them? If it does maybe investigate if you can get a light on a timer or something.

Because you’re human, I guarantee you’ve got a habit that could annoy the hell out of him.

This

Icanttakethisanymore · 26/11/2024 05:56

Make sure you have a low energy bulbs in so the effect on your electricity bill is minimal and stop worrying about it would be my advice. If the kids opposite have black out blinds they won’t be affected I wouldn’t think.

RedHelenB · 26/11/2024 06:17

Apolloneuro · 26/11/2024 05:50

I know this is going to sound a bit patronising, but sometimes you need to decide not to care about small things. I’m 60 and married for 38 years. My husband never, ever shuts doors and drawers. Used to drive me potty and I’d have a pop about it, but now I just shut them. Life’s too short.

Let’s face it, leaving lights really isn’t that bad. Why don’t you directly ask the neighbours if the light in the bathroom disturbs them? If it does maybe investigate if you can get a light on a timer or something.

Because you’re human, I guarantee you’ve got a habit that could annoy the hell out of him.

This. I'd rather lights were switched off but I wouldn't disturb someone to tell them. If it borhers you then switch it off or leave it on, up to you.

ComfortandHappiness · 26/11/2024 06:22

Get a bulb with a sensor in then it will turn off by itself when no one's in.

(Although ours can randomly turn on every now and then, but at least it goes off again...)

BitOutOfPractice · 26/11/2024 06:22

blimey is it “have a row about things that aren’t all that important” day? I think I might go back to bed if it is!

As for disturbing your neightbour’s kid…that’s clutching at straws isn’t it?

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 26/11/2024 06:25

Not a nice way to wake up really especially if he’s tired from working late. With kindness, you sound as inconsiderate as him. Go make up and enjoy your day.

OrangeSlices998 · 26/11/2024 06:26

YANBU it’s a waste of electricity, why would you leave a light on all night that you don’t need?! If you knew he was awake I don’t think you did anything awful telling him it was on again, if he had been dead to the world and you shook him awake then yes I’d agree you were unreasonable. Little things can become big things if left to fester, I can’t work out why turning the light off is such a hardship for him! My husband used to leave the toilet seat up a lot of the time and it drove me (and our daughter) bonkers so I told him almost every time he did it and he then adjusted his behaviour… imagine that!

PicturePlace · 26/11/2024 06:27

You are the problem here. Leaving the light on doesn't matter one single jot. What a bully you are - do you like causing arguments?

CrazyGoatLady · 26/11/2024 06:29

My mum is like this about turning lights off, to the point where I've been half way up her (windowless, so very little natural light, you can't see anything at night!) staircase when she's turned the light off and I can't see where I'm going!

DS2 has ADHD and forgets to turn lights off, it used to drive DH mad, but we have had to learn to not sweat the small stuff, because in the long run it really is just a light, you flick a switch and off it goes. It's not a candle or an oil lamp that could burn the house down if left on or knocked over.

PicturePlace · 26/11/2024 06:29

OrangeSlices998 · 26/11/2024 06:26

YANBU it’s a waste of electricity, why would you leave a light on all night that you don’t need?! If you knew he was awake I don’t think you did anything awful telling him it was on again, if he had been dead to the world and you shook him awake then yes I’d agree you were unreasonable. Little things can become big things if left to fester, I can’t work out why turning the light off is such a hardship for him! My husband used to leave the toilet seat up a lot of the time and it drove me (and our daughter) bonkers so I told him almost every time he did it and he then adjusted his behaviour… imagine that!

Why shouldn't he leave the seat up? Did he get angry at you for leaving it down? Makes no sense. Why do your seat preferences trump his?

BarbaraHoward · 26/11/2024 06:43

Why does it bother you? Modern lightbulbs cost feck all to run.

I'm not sure how an indoor light would affect neighbours, even without blackout blinds tbh, not much light tends to escape them.

And yes, agree you will have a habit that drives him mad, best to try let these things go.

ForGreyKoala · 26/11/2024 06:45

I couldn't get worked up over this. You don't know that it affects your neighbour's kid, it probably doesn't, and a light uses bugger all electricity. Just turn it off and forget about it, it's hardly worth arguing about.

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 26/11/2024 06:46

I feel your pain @pain1nthearse I am a light sleeper and any light shining through the bedroom door wakes me up.
DS has ADHD and constantly leaves lights on, drawers open, milk out of the fridge, toilet unflushed. It is fine for people to think those things only take seconds, just do them yourself, but when it is constantly happening it is exhausting!
Your DH sounds inconsiderate if he leaves lights on all the time, despite you mentioning it.

WonderingWanda · 26/11/2024 06:47

It's annoying but probably not the hill to die on if he is otherwise lovely. My dh leaves doors wide open when it's cold. Drives me round the bend....it drives him round the bend when the kids do it so you'd think he'd have more self awareness but it's like his brain can only do one thing at a time.

WonderingWanda · 26/11/2024 06:51

Also, I do think men are just generally less considerate than women on some sort of primative level e.g they always take a massive helping of food they want, doesn't occur to them to shut doors, do something in a hurry etc. Women seem to have some kind of inbuilt anxiety which drives us to constantly worry about other people and make adjustments, like you worrying about the neighbours son.. in reality that's a totally unfounded worry as I presume no one has complained about it. Try to only fight the important battles!

doodleschnoodle · 26/11/2024 06:59

Given it's not actually disturbing you then it seems like a non issue. Assuming you have modern bulbs, the cost is minuscule, and I don't really see how a normal light on in your own home can disturb someone in a different house. I'd also be a bit annoyed about it being brought up in the middle of the night too. Even if he was stirring, telling him he's left a light on at whatever o'clock is pretty pointless.

HollyKnight · 26/11/2024 07:00

My children are a nightmare for this. I got smart bulbs so I can set timers and turn them off via the app/Alexa.

coffeesaveslives · 26/11/2024 07:03

Why would you tell someone that at 3am unless you want a row or to piss them off?

Honestly, it's just a light - it doesn't matter.

SharpOpalNewt · 26/11/2024 07:05

I leave the bathroom light on as I need to go for a wee at night and like to see where I'm going. It's such a non-issue.