To tell him he left the light on again

[pain1nthearse]

My husband regularly leaves the light on in his office all night long and I usually see it when I get up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night. I turn it off and tell him he’s done it when up in the morning. It really pisses me off, but he often leaves other lights on for hours too…like the bathroom light in the day. So I tell him that too (and turn it off when I see it on). I also get annoyed about the bathroom light because it shines directly into our neighbours little boys bedroom window although he does have what looks like blackout blinds on his window. Some light might get in…I don’t know but I think it makes us look like inconsiderate twats if it’s left on until the early hours.

Tonight, I woke up and could feel that he was awake….he moved around and rolled over etc. Anyway after a minute or so I get up to go to the loo, see the light it is on, turn it off and tell him when I get back into bed that he left it on. He says “oh no did I?! Sorry”. After another 5 mins or so he says “Did you know I was awake when you told me that”. I said yes you were moving around. He responds with “bit of a fucking gamble. It’s only a fucking light”. He’s gone off downstairs in a huff. Now I’m lying here unable to sleep.

i know I should have waited til morning but it happens at least once a week, sometimes more and I thought he was awake (which he was). The irony is he did exactly the same to me….ie just blurted something out when I could have dozed off after first telling him about the light. Seems silly over a light but it’s clearly about me finding his actions inconsiderate (of course he’s not doing it on purpose though) and him thinking I’m nagging I guess.

was I being really unreasonable to raise it as soon as I got back to bed??

What annoying habit do you have that your husband compensates for?

Doesnt the last person to bed check all the lights are off behind them?
When you finally lie down in bed to sleep can you not see a slither of light from the bathroom under your bedroom door? If not it can’t be very bright so won’t affect neighbours.

I’d probably start checking it’s off rather than saying something about it continuously.

What was the gamble about speaking to him during the night? He would actually be asleep and not hear you? Odd thing to get annoyed about.

Also is the office light a flood light and there's no other light source in the area? How could it disturb a neighbour? Odd thing to point out

Do the two of you just not like each other and pick over tiny faults? Death by a thousand cuts type of relationship destruction from the pair of you?

I always underestimate how long it’s going to take to get ready and he’s stood waiting for me 😂

I am like this every day🤪

Presumably the gamble was that he was actually asleep and her comment would have woken him up for no reason...

Calling OP a bully is a bit of a stretch.

You can disagree, but let's not be quite so dramatic.

I think you're being incredibly unreasonable to bother telling someone they've left a light on in the middle of the night! So what? It's just a light and presumably doesn't disturb your sleep. You have no idea if the light disturbs your neighbour - if my neighbour leaves their outside light on overnight, it is noticeable in my bedroom but it doesn't bother me and I wouldn't think they were being inconsiderate. We leave our porch light on overnight as a deterrent and I would never think about whether this disturbed our neighbours.

Oh my god, get something worth worrying about. Trivial in the extreme.

Woken him up? How?

You'd have to be an exceptionally light sleeper to be woken up by a speaking voice. That case a person getting out of bed and leaving the room would wake you.

Obviously shouting at a person when they were asleep is not on. Speaking in the same room.as them hardly a crime - and I say that as a light sleeper.

Making things up to find fault.

Get something like this for the bathroom:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/KTEBO-Rechargeable-Operated-Cupboard-Lighting/dp/B0CD2B7NNG/

And something like this for desk lights in his study:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Defender-Segment-Timer-Switch-Plug/dp/B01CP44AU4/

@AnImaginaryCat I would get woken up by someone speaking to me - it's not exactly unusual. I'd also really struggle to fall back to sleep afterwards.

So if I was woken up just so DH could complain about a light being left on I would be really pissed off. It's not exactly a complaint that can't wait a few hours.

Have you looked at how much it costs to leave a light on? It's all a bit 80s to be having arguments about it, LED lightbulbs means it really isn't enough energy to be causing disagreements, I suspect if you're getting het up about this it's about more than lights, focus on the real issues or you just sound unreasonable.

I had lights on at all hours when I was a home based shift worker. None of the neighbours ever complained.

Yeah well you need to wake him up every single time to get the message across.
I guarantee he'll start to remember.

It is annoying and I understand that but so is being called out on it like a kid.
choose your battles.
I had a parent who was always obsessed with lights being off and it made me a nervous wreck.

We’ve got three boys. Children never turn lights off so almost all of our lights are on sensors and turn off automatically

In the grand scheme of faults it’s not a biggie, I’m sure I’ve got bigger faults than leaving lights on. I’d be pissed off if my other half reminded me every time I left a light on.

Thanks everyone. I apologised this morning to husband. I can see I’m being unreasonable about it so going to just try and ignore it, switch it off and be more zen like in future.

Not something I would get worked up about. My DH is incapable of closing a press or drawer that he has opened. I have decided to rise above it, otherwise he’d be buried under the patio soon

You'd have to be an exceptionally light sleeper to be woken up by a speaking voice

Eh? I'm not a particularly light sleeper, I'd say average, but someone talking to me right next to me in bed in the middle of the night would absolutely wake me up. It's a totally different kind of noise/disturbance to someone getting up for a wee.

What nonsense!

I agree with you, life is too short. If it was me I would get a lightbulb with a timer control so you can switch it off at midnight or something

It's common sense and courtesy to switch things off or put them away when you are finished.

would never say anything once DH had gone to sleep even if he had woken up in middle of the night. I'd raise it first thing in the morning during tea/coffee.