To tell him he left the light on again

[pain1nthearse]

My husband regularly leaves the light on in his office all night long and I usually see it when I get up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night. I turn it off and tell him he’s done it when up in the morning. It really pisses me off, but he often leaves other lights on for hours too…like the bathroom light in the day. So I tell him that too (and turn it off when I see it on). I also get annoyed about the bathroom light because it shines directly into our neighbours little boys bedroom window although he does have what looks like blackout blinds on his window. Some light might get in…I don’t know but I think it makes us look like inconsiderate twats if it’s left on until the early hours.

Tonight, I woke up and could feel that he was awake….he moved around and rolled over etc. Anyway after a minute or so I get up to go to the loo, see the light it is on, turn it off and tell him when I get back into bed that he left it on. He says “oh no did I?! Sorry”. After another 5 mins or so he says “Did you know I was awake when you told me that”. I said yes you were moving around. He responds with “bit of a fucking gamble. It’s only a fucking light”. He’s gone off downstairs in a huff. Now I’m lying here unable to sleep.

i know I should have waited til morning but it happens at least once a week, sometimes more and I thought he was awake (which he was). The irony is he did exactly the same to me….ie just blurted something out when I could have dozed off after first telling him about the light. Seems silly over a light but it’s clearly about me finding his actions inconsiderate (of course he’s not doing it on purpose though) and him thinking I’m nagging I guess.

was I being really unreasonable to raise it as soon as I got back to bed??

take the bulb out

I have put sensor lights in our bathroom and on the landing because I was sick of everyone else in this house going up to the bathroom and leaving all the lights on shining through my bedroom door. I get the Duracell strip light and you recharge them and there is a magnetic strip you attach to the wall. I have one on the ceiling at the bottom of the stairs and because there is a turn in our stairs I have one right at the top. They come on as soon as you walk through and stay on about 30 seconds after movement stops. Might not work in his office but good for bathroom and landing.

Could you maybe get a smart light for the office?

I have a bad habit of leaving the light on in our utility room. DH has the bad habit of feeling the need to tell me every time he turns it off. I don’t bother telling him about every transgression he commits. I just deal with them and move on.

There is a difference between talking to your spouse about them not pulling their own weight and just expecting perfection.

if something is a real problem, then you sit down and address it. You don’t scold your spouse.

Yeah its a dark room. But everyone else seems to turn it off except me. I properly can’t explain why I was so rubbish at it! Weird.

@pain1nthearse it’s ok to apologise for disturbing him but he needs to stop leaving lights on! Hope the bulbs are all LED so it’s a bit less costly!

I don't understand the number of pp who don't see leaving the light on when it's not needed as just totally wasteful.
I can only assume all these pp were brought up in affluent homes where money didn't matter.
Turning a light off when you leave a room is something I was taught as a child and have done all my life and as far as I know not wasting electricity in such a silly way is the norm for most people I know.
I think if OP has talked to her DH about this many times and he still does it then shows he obviously doesn't give a damn about her opinions and is possibly doing it to annoy her.

Problem solved
ad for disturbing neighbours I think going from darkness to a light switched on is more disturbing than a constant light

nobody takes well to being patronised and told off in the middle of the night 1/2 asleep
tbh think his reaction was pretty mild

He wouldn't leave his car lights on every night.
Why? Because that would drain the battery and inconvenience him.

He doesn't switch off the light because he only cares about himself.

Very inconsiderate.

Honestly, causing tension and arguments about leaving lights on is a little petty. And having someone 'tell you off' for doing it must be pretty annoying and probably makes him feel like a child.

My DH is forgetful and leaves lights on too. He doesn't do it on purpose and just forgets. I did used to mention it to him when I discovered he had done it yet again, but always picked my moments and wasn't funny about it or stroppy about it with him. He still did it! Now I just make it my task to go round the house at bedtime and make sure all lights are off. Yes I do feel like his mum sometimes!! 😂But if he does still leave one on now I just let it go. Its really not a big enough deal to me to bother me that much.

If your DH comes to bed after you, and that is when he is leaving it on, could you write a note somewhere where he will see him to remind him to turn it off? If it were me and my DH I would have made it a jokey note and it would become a bit of a joke between us so not to make too big a thing of it and he would take it as such.

I don't understand the number of pp who don't see leaving the light on when it's not needed as just totally wasteful.

It IS totally wasteful. But it's totally wasteful of just about nothing, especially with contemporary bulbks. At least find something significant to squabble over!

I find they learn pretty quickly when you wake them up to go & turn it off themselves

Install a smart light and set it turn off at bed time/when he tends to be done using his office?

Op that’s not how mn works. You’re supposed to stroppily argue the toss, threaten to flounce, come back and argue more then ask mnhq to delete the thread!

you’ll get nowhere bring reasonable like that!

I don't see why OP and her DH need to squabble over it either. I find it difficult to believe a grown adult can't switch a light off when he leaves a room. This shouldn't be an issue but he is making it one by his childish behaviour.

Haven't read the whole thread but just saying did you know you can buy motion activated lightbulbs? They're really handy in hallways and landings where you're often passing through with your arms full but would be just the job for your husbands study.

Just turn it off yourself.

What!? 🤣

An energy saving light bulb costs 2p per full day. Get a hold of yourself.

But it doesn't inconvenience anyone if he's left the light on?

Oh, don't be daft. It's a lightbulb that costs pennies a month to run - it's nothing remotely worth fighting over.

People on MN seem to take life far too seriously sometimes.

It would irritate me because of what it says about the person who behaves like that as much as the waste : it says that person doesn't give a damn.
When you live with somebody actions and behaviours that seem small and inconsequential to an outsider all add to feelings of incompatibility. And this would be one of the actions that would be part of a pattern of incompatibility for me.
I talking here from.a purely personal point of view. I'm not saying OP or anyone should feel the same.

I think it’s a generational thing as much as anything. Back in the day of 100 watt bulbs it was relatively expensive to leave lights on. Nowadays with an LED light you’re really not saving very much by turning it off every 2 minutes. At 7 to 10 watts, which is what these things usually are, even left on for 10 hours a night it’d take almost 2 weeks to use one kWh of electricity - which is 25p. So maybe you’d save £10 a year compared to leaving it on…but maybe the constant switching on an off would shorten the life of the bulb, so who knows! Back in the day you’d be talking the equivalent of 25p a night, or almost £100 a year, so it was rather more wasteful…hence some of our parents obsession with turning lights off.

That was quite a nasty argument you had, what with your DH stomping off downstairs. Is your marriage happy in other ways?
I get really irritated by lights being left on too, also by loo seats left up, and I sometimes think DH would not keep doing it if he wasn't also irritated with me...

What? @pain1nthearse You are NOT being unreasonable and I cannot believed you apologised to him, wtf? He should have apologised to you. Sad to see men getting the upper hand all the time. What you did wrong was by not nipping it in the bud earlier and waking him a long time ago. What he is doing is selfish to the neighbours, costs money, bad for environmental reasons etc, and you caved?!? Wtf, no!

So irritating that you'd bring it up at 3am though?

If I genuinely knew he was awake, yes. But not if he was sleeping or wasn't sure he was awake.