To not answer work colleague’s question?

[acerintelcore15]

So we have a new work colleague and they are doing their best to get to know people etc

The other day at lunch, there were 3 colleagues and one manager at the table the new colleague asked me how long I have been in the UK and where I’m originally from as they could not quite place my accent

I replied saying the year I moved here and the country where I’m from

He then said: “Oh wow, that is interesting! Your English is very good. I know a lot of ppl from ‘country’ and the women always work in cleaning and the men in delivery. Have you started out as a cleaner too?

I then said: “Why, are you about to offer me a cleaning job?”

Before he could reply, a group of people came to the table and the topic of conversation changed

I know I came accross as rude but it is just so annoying when people generalise everything and ask personal questions like this especially when you don’t know them very well.

Eugh that comment and stereotype is so tone deaf. Tbh I think you responded perfectly.

Good grief! What a dickhead! You responded perfectly and with far more grace than I would have mustered.

Your response was perfect. Your new colleague is a (racist) twat

I think your reply was perfect.

He sounds like an uneducated twat, I would make a note of any similar comments he makes.

Edited to add yes racist and possibly boundary-pushing to see if he can get away with it

What a racist dipstick!

Was it the Philippines? DS’s housemate is from there and says she forever has people assuming she’s a cleaner or a nanny and not the educational psychologist she actually is. It’s so bloody racist.

I love your witty reply.

If you were say a housekeeping staff member in a hotel then that's the only time when I think it might be reasonable to ask if you started off cleaning.

If you are an accountant then this the question is ridiculous and aggressive.

I'd steer clear of him. Possibly it's new boy nerves and he's kicking himself but it would put me right off him.

You were not the rude one in that conversation!

I'd put it down to youth and naivety (unless this person was over 30). It was rude and ignorant and if asked in a quieter setting might have been an opportunity to explain how this is an incorrect stereotype, but in the circumstance you did fine.

That was staggering rude of him, what an idiot.

Well, to be fair, I used to live and work in another country. I got asked 'oh, did you come here and start working as a picker (think apple picking type work)?'

I didn't think anything of it. To be fair, it is what I started off doing and so did everyone from my country that I know! I said yes I did and how much I enjoyed it, but preferred what I'd move on to.

People get way too easily offended these days in my opinion.

The person is probably over 40

The irony is I hate cleaning and I’m very bad at it - I do the absolutely only the necessary in my own house, when my weekly cleaner is not available

Well, you could just say to him in response then 'haha! I hate cleaning 😉!' and just move on.

I don't get all the offence people take all the time! Answer or don't answer. Give a funny answer or be rude in response. It doesn't really matter. No point dwelling or getting offended. Life's too short...

It is not about been offended, I don’t care if ppl think I started as a cleaner and I don’t even see his comments as racist

As I said, it is annoying - at least to me - when people still see foreigners as exotic species. We are in London of all places!

I’ve been here close to 20 years and at this point I have more in common with UK culture than the culture of my own country

I understand ppl sometimes get curious but with tact and time he could have the answer to his questions organically - but to ask on a very 1st conversation face to face just seemed too intrusive (at least to me)

I get this. Born in the Philippines to a Filipino mom and European dad. Went to international schools so full education in English.

Them: "your English is fantastic"

Me: "I'd hope so, it's my native language"

Posher types love telling me about their Filipino nannies and how she was like a mother to them...like that gives us some kind of connection because my mother is actually Filipino 😆

I love this response😂

I don't think life is too short to challenge racist stereotypes

if he does it again look him right in the eye (assuming he's British) and ask him how he enjoys getting up at 5am in Malaga to put a towel on his sunbed then go for the full english before toasting himself to the colour of a lobster prior to necking 15 pints and throwing up in a plant.

Right?

Love your response too🙂

Any stereotype is offensive because it is seeing someone as part of a homogenous group instead of as a person. The man is a fool. Does he think your entire country of origin is peopled solely with cleaners and delivery drivers? How would it even function as a country.

I honestly can't think of a single nationality where if you asked me what the cliche about them is it's that they're all cleaners or delivery drivers in this country. That's the most bizarre statement. It IS true, yes, that lots of immigrants, particularly ones who may not arrive with good english, start out in these jobs, but I don't think that's linked to any specific country. What an incredibly odd, and yes, offensive statement (unless your current job is operations manager for a cleaning company).

If I was sitting around a table and someone said that to a clleague, I think I'd probably react quite visibly and burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of it. What did your colleagues do/say?

On the plus side, you don’t have to spend a year before figuring out colleague is a dick. God, people are stupid! Sorry op.

He was pathetically trying to get rise out of you and your reply prevented that.

He just thinks they're a nation of 'service people' whose raison d'etre is to fill low-paid jobs. I don't think it's as benign as being a 'fool', it's actually fairly appalling stereotyping and othering.

I hear you, OP and others. I used to get it in the UK as an Irish person from a certain small minority of older people, who seemed terribly surprised that I wasn't a navvy or a nurse, or a Traveller who either went around tarmacking drives or wearing enormous light-up dresses as in My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. I remember a dinner party given by a friend's parents at which several guests couldn't believe I was at Oxford with their friends' daughter and kept asking whether I was at 'Oxford Secretarial College' with jolly belly laughs.

Great reply op; wish I could think on my feet so quickly.