To not answer work colleague’s question?

[acerintelcore15]

So we have a new work colleague and they are doing their best to get to know people etc

The other day at lunch, there were 3 colleagues and one manager at the table the new colleague asked me how long I have been in the UK and where I’m originally from as they could not quite place my accent

I replied saying the year I moved here and the country where I’m from

He then said: “Oh wow, that is interesting! Your English is very good. I know a lot of ppl from ‘country’ and the women always work in cleaning and the men in delivery. Have you started out as a cleaner too?

I then said: “Why, are you about to offer me a cleaning job?”

Before he could reply, a group of people came to the table and the topic of conversation changed

I know I came accross as rude but it is just so annoying when people generalise everything and ask personal questions like this especially when you don’t know them very well.

No and colleague and I are at the same position / role but different teams - however I came to this organisation few years ago and he just came now

The profession is not related to anything to do with cleaning and he is not above me so asking about my cleaning experience as a job is tottaly irrelevant - even if he was above me and needed to know what I bring to the table

Oh it’s a universal hesitation for me, I don’t ask anyone about their backgrounds until I know them quite well, British or otherwise. It isn’t a bad thing on balance: I’d rather be careful than accidentally make someone feel uncomfortable. Some Russian and African friends yesterday were laughing about how English people are too careful/hold back and it got me thinking, as I’m more careful than my parents would have been, but then society’s moved on and is better in many ways.

I don't

I think a hard stare would have sufficed

Did no-one else pull him up on his questioning?

Yeah, I think that british people so often don't seem to understnad the difference between polite and friendly attempts to get to know someone and offensive stereotypes which I'm sorry to say, I think is just laziness. It's a bit like when men say, "oh, you can't say anythign to women these days so I just don't talk to the women in the office in case they take offense when I'm just trying to gto be friendly". Sorry, I think it's bollocks. We all know the difference between casual chit chat and inappropriate comments on a woman's clothing. There are 100000 things you can talk about with a woman if you're not sure that commenting on her appearance eis appropriate.

It's the same with meeting new people. In this case, a question about her professional background, left open-ended, would be completely fine, "How long have you been at the company? Where were you before" is perfectly normal. AN assumption that she must have been a cleaner because of her nationality is not. It's hard to see why this isn't obvious.

Similarly, I have an accesnt, someone asking me where I"m from is not offensive. A black person with an english accent might also not be offended, as long as when she says, "manchester" the response is, "nice. HOw long have you lived in London for?" rather than, "but where are you from originally?" Or a more neutral version might be, "did you grow up in [whatever town you're in at that moment]?"

It's not rocket science.

Yeah, I think that british people so often don't seem to understnad the difference between polite and friendly attempts to get to know someone and offensive stereotypes which I'm sorry to say, I think is just laziness.
And yet you didn't take care to phrase this in such a way that isn't also actively stereotyping.

Let’s not be ageist. OP didn’t mention his age. It was nosy at best, racist at worst whatever their age.

That, is racism. You’re not being rude. Your colleague is being racist.

20 odd years ago, in my first job, I was asked which cricket team I would support if India and England were playing. I am British born, ethnically Indian. I said that I wasn’t interested in cricket, so neither. ‘But if you were…’. Questions and comments like these are not banter. They are judgemental and nobody should be trying to size my loyalties up. I was also asked if I could bring in home made samosa and if I was having an arranged marriage. I didn’t know how to make them, I was just out of uni and I had a boyfriend, but that’s not the point.

You weren’t being rude, he was! And racist.

These are examples of what are referred to as racist microaggressions

oh yuck! At least he’s shown you who he is from the very start and you don’t have to waste any time on him.
im sure others will realise what he is soon enough too.
sorry you had to deal with that.
hopefully one day hell make a comment like that to someone else and they deck him

You did not come across as rude, op

He did

If he asks again give it to him op, really do

You gave a perfect answer, don't give this rude xenophobic idiot another thought.

Sounds like a good comeback. If someone said that to me I’d feel insulted not that there’s anything wrong with being a cleaner but just to make the assumption when you come from a certain background is just plain rude.

Some people just don’t know how to behave in public 🥴

People are just so rude and assuming. I together with my DH family were staying at a holiday entsl Mill in Bath. 3rd day in a women came into the garden and asked my SIL if it was her car parked in the area for the Mill she said yes and was promptly told to move it so this women could park there as she needed to do the gardening. My SIL came to me and explained what had happened. When I spoke to the gardener she said she assumed we were the cleaners. My SIL is Indonesian in fact an Indonesian Princess. I was furious that she had been stereotyped. I phoned the owned and the gardener left. Where do these prople live - in caves. My SIL runs a multi million $ company in US. I would defo make a record of any comments he makes in future and report his behaviour as it is totally unacceptable.

Perfect answer OP.
His question was rude.
None of his business what your background is.

Sorry completely disagree, being under 30 is no excuse for being a racist.
I've had very elderly white people tell me I speak good English and I cheerfully say ' that's good because I've lived here 40 years' ( confusing for the elder as that's my age) them i can understand as there no malice intended but this situation in a work place is awful.