To not answer work colleague’s question?

[acerintelcore15]

So we have a new work colleague and they are doing their best to get to know people etc

The other day at lunch, there were 3 colleagues and one manager at the table the new colleague asked me how long I have been in the UK and where I’m originally from as they could not quite place my accent

I replied saying the year I moved here and the country where I’m from

He then said: “Oh wow, that is interesting! Your English is very good. I know a lot of ppl from ‘country’ and the women always work in cleaning and the men in delivery. Have you started out as a cleaner too?

I then said: “Why, are you about to offer me a cleaning job?”

Before he could reply, a group of people came to the table and the topic of conversation changed

I know I came accross as rude but it is just so annoying when people generalise everything and ask personal questions like this especially when you don’t know them very well.

Another thing - he was not conducting recruitment or a job interview so what does my previous work experience got to do with anything?

Based on my own experience, he was basically saying 'Well done, you, on pulling yourself out of your grimy ethnic origins!' The patronising, racist fucker.

You didn't come across as rude at all. Personally I think you were incredibly restrained in managing not to biff him with a handy cleaner's mop. (Which you presumably keep under your desk, because everyone from your country is really a cleaner or a delivery man... Grr!

Well, in normal work conversation, I can see general chit chats about work background. But, for example, I am not English adn I work in communications. Therefore, I would not expect someone to assume that I started out as a cleaner or whatever my country's stereotype is. If I was getting to know a colleague I'd find a comment like, "so what did you do before you joined COMPANY NAME" or "Have you always worked in Communications" or even "did you work in communications in HOME COUNTRTY" etc all perfectly legitimate questions however.

“As I said, it is annoying - at least to me - when people still see foreigners as exotic species. We are in London of all places!”

It sounds really annoying - even upsetting - to be treated as exotic/‘other’, but, as a white Brit I do find it sad that I feel awkward about expressing interest in someone’s background. I was raised hearing people asking each other where they were from, how were they finding this area etc, much more naturally than I feel able to now. I do witness immigrants asking other immigrants or 1st gen Brits with far more ease than I feel able to.

I want to get to know someone, express an interest, not make them uncomfortable, so I avoid it, no biggie, but I do miss that ease.

(Obv I am only responding to your words I quoted, not to the cleaner (wtf?!) thing!)

Their ignorance is astounding.

Have they never heard of CS Lewis or Oscar Wilde?
(both with impressive connections to Magdalen, Oxford)

@Kirstyshine don't be daft, you can get to know people. You can ask them what they do rather than assume they're a cleaner or a nanny. You can try to get to know them the exact same way you get to know an English person.

Shall we say, many of the people given to this kind of thinking wouldn't be at all familiar with Wilde or CS Lewis, and to those who were, both would have been 'Anglo' enough to pass as English -- Lewis as someone educated almost entirely in England and living entirely in England from his school days and strongly opposed to British withdrawal from NI, and Wilde with his Anglo-Irish background and London life. Also, I'm WC and Irish, so a whole new category problem for them.

I'd write down the date and rough time and as accurate a description as you can. If anything else like that happens again I'd be escalating it as racism.

Asking someone about their background is not offensive. Presuming they must have been a (insert job title) because they are from (insert country), or expressing surprise at the quality of their English, is. Surely that's obvious?

Lots of white Brits I know have backgrounds from elsewhere, like Ireland (Republic not NI) or eastern European countries. Do you feel awkward asking them about their background? Or is the presumption that they are British so it's not something that comes up

This. @Brefugee that is a perfect response!

My Filipina friend worked in finance while living in Milan. She used to get “Where are you from? Philippines? Wow, my cleaner is Filipina!”…

to which she would reply “No way! And my cleaner is Italian!”

That usually woke them up to their error.

If I was being generous, I'd think this was a clumsy way to get to know you from a new-to-the-workforce colleague but, having read the update on age etc and follow up questions, I'd be offended too.

He was very rude and your response was excellent, OP.

I'm always envious of people who can respond quick-wittedly to other people's rudeness. I just end up blankly staring at them in shock.

The only reason I have a quick response to these types of questions/comments is because I get told and asked the same dumb things over and over 😅🤣

It was racial stereotyping which is completely inappropriate. Most people would take offence at the assumptiom that if you come from x country, you would normally be working as a cleaner.

Your new colleague was completely out of order. This should have been picked up by the manager sitting at your table.

Your reply was NOT rude.

He then said: “Oh wow, that is interesting! Your English is very good. I know a lot of ppl from ‘country’ and the women always work in cleaning and the men in delivery. Have you started out as a cleaner too?
Eww eww eww... what a simpleton. If I was this guy's manager and had overheard, I'd have taken him aside and asked him to not refer to people using stereotypes as that's against our office culture, which is inclusive, respectful and embraces different cultures.

This colleague wasn't just expressing an interest in OP's background. They made an offensive remark about immigrants from OP's country normally working as cleaners or delivery drivers and then had the cheek to ask OP if she had ever been a cleaner.

What a very strange observation and to voice it is even more strange. They aren't going to make themselves very popular are they?

You weren't rude they were

I don’t think that it’s necessarily inappropriate to ask about a colleague’s past work experience, in fact it can be really helpful to know if a new colleague previously worked for a rival, or a client, or if they have a particular skill that will benefit their new employer. But, unless your current job has anything at all to do with hygiene services (at a wild guess I’d say no..) asking someone if they started off in a minimum wage manual job, because that’s what everyone from that country does, is staggeringly rude and prejudiced.

Is your current role a graduate entry one?

Your reply was perfect and classy.

I live in London too and still get this shit, usually from English people who work but don't live here. As it's a good indicator of of not wanting to be friends with them and I want to shut it down ASAP, I usually tell them I'm from a different country that people don't know much about e.g. Belgium. Not much to say about beer or chocolate 😂

People do love to pigeon-hole those they encounter. And there was likely a fair bit of anti-Irish sentiment in the mix as well. Not at all pleasant for you to be treated like that @Intimacies 😕