For not wanting to host christmas dinner for my friends?

[Railou]

(Writing for a friend who needs advice)
Me and my partner are the first ones who have an apartment. We have a group we hang out with most of them live with their parents. We usually don’t do dinner party’s since to much work and cleaning and it costs money. So we usually have a party here once a while. One of my guy friends asked like «yea when are guys gonna invite over for some christmas food?». Me and my partner do this lil thing where we treat ourself with some good homemade christmas food every year in december. But we had no plans in dinner parties with others, I told my friend that its to expensive and he asked «but what if everyone payed their share?»

My other friend agreed with me that its expensive. And we can rather do something else that dosn’t have to be expensive. I guess some people like the thought of coming to a fully set table with food and drinks without doing anything.

I thought it was normal for the host to invite to these dinner stuff not the guests inviting themself and try to plan in someone elses home.

That guy is incredibly cheeky. Your friend should do what she wants to do and not feel obliged to invite others.

Suggest they go to Toby Carvery!

They are cheeky.

I'd be really wary of agreeing to this because it sets a president for the future.

I think you’re over thinking it! Send a message saying everyone bring a plate of food and some wine and we will host! Then everyone is contributing. I did this for years when I had no money. Still get to socialise without breaking the bank

Not really an answer to your thread, but I do find it crap I can't afford to host dinner parties anymore. I never did anything overly formal, but I love cooking and having people over. Now I can't justify the cost, would be cheaper to go out for a meal and me just pay my share.

It makes me sad

• Precedent not president!

@genesis92 i see, i come from norway, its far from cheap when it comes food here. So it cost less for each of us to eat out and pay our own meal than inviting

Surely your friend just says no? Though some bits of this are slightly odd. How many guests are we talking here? DH and I were the only ones among our student friends who had a flat to ourselves, and we had dinner parties all the time, despite being absolutely skint. We just made a big pot of pasta or risotto and salad, and friends brought wine and dessert. The total cost was a couple of bags of penne, canned tomatoes, vegetables from the cheap market etc, stuff you have lying around in your cupboards.

I mean, obviously don’t have people round for dinner if you don’t want to, but it can be done very inexpensively, so cost really isn’t a factor unless you’re literally on the breadline. If there’s some other reason your friend doesn’t want to do it, at least admit that to themselves.

IF you all wanted to do this it is perfectly acceptable to plan a joint Christmas dinner that happens to be in your flat.

All get together, plan menu and shopping and share out cost, OR make each group responsible for a part of the meal, with equal expense. And everyone brings plenty to drink.

And everyone shares the washing up.

But are these people also in Norway? Are you saying that a couple of bags of pasta, canned tomatoes and vegetables would be prohibitively expensive for the average earner?

This.
I wouldn't think about having a "dinner party" in my apartment.
They can all FO.

He's a cheeky beggar. I'd honestly just say nope, let's all go out for a Christmas meal somewhere. End of discussion.

So just say no!

@TheMaenads we talking about 5-6 people. And what he was pointing to is traditional food called «pinnekjøtt» in norway sheep ribs. That its most expensive chritsmas food here. since me and my partner only need one package of those for us. Also needs lots on boiling and oven time 3-4 hours.. so i can be bothered to corrupt my bank for others

When we were younger my partner and I would host as we were the first in a flat big enough etc and everyone would bring something of the Xmas food/drink so the cost was shared. You don’t have to host if you don’t want to, obviously, but if you are worried about cost/effort it’s a good way to split it.

My friend typed this in another place but people where really judging her and saying that she should been grateful for people wanting to hang out with her. And that this isn’t a big deal to invite more if they already are making this type of food, just ask people to cooperate or pay was the answers so she wanted someones elses opinion, because this is her and her partners tradition on every december.

@ClicketyClickPlusOne thing is this wasn’t Even our plan but our friends idea/plan. We had no plan in inviting people over for dinner. This is a lil tradition me and my partner have every year in december. So i rather eat out somewhere with them than stressin with food preb and cleaning

But they don’t want to?!!!!!!!

It’s not normal to pay for rounds of drinks in Norway, I’ve been told, due to the expense. Your friend just needs to laugh and say ‘No way’. Inviting yourself to someone’s apartment is super cheeky.

@Cherrysoup yea only people with lots of money does that here, but i could never. Buying 6-7 drinks here its almost how much i spend for dinner 1-2 weeks. I would also never invite myself for dinner at someone elses home.

Your friend already has her tradition set with her partner, the MAN (surprise fucking surprise ) wants free labour from your friend.... he can sod off and host everyone himself when he gets his own place.

Yanbu

I would suggest going out somewhere and everyone paying for themselves. It’s fair and square that way.

If your friend does invite people over, it can be ok BUT as long as everyone contributes and brings food and alcohol.

The problem with this of course is people invariably bring as little as possible or conveniently forget to bring anything at all, and you end up shouldering the lions share of the cost. I’ve been stung very badly before.

@Lighteningstrikes fr. many people who end up paying and doing everything, while others just want to come to a done table with food and drinks. This is why i rather go eat out. Fair share, everyone pays their own plate.

It's not just the cost of food - I'm hosting a large dinner party at Christmas because I owe several people hospitality, and I have a list as long as your arm of things to organise. Crockery for 3 courses, cutlery, glasses for fizz, wine and water, table mats, napkins, nibbles to start, coffee and mints for after, water carafe and condiments for the table, decorations for the table, etc, etc. Everywhere has to be tidy - I'll have to move the piles of crap off the dining chairs and table - and clean, of course. My kitchen is in full view from the dining table, so it can't be too chaotic. And then there's the shopping for ingredients. We live rurally, so there is always the dread that our local small supermarkets will be out of mushrooms or sprouts or lemons. Cooking will have to start the day before, as there's such a lot to do. I suppose it's like hosting Christmas for a large family gathering, which lots of people do, but it's a LOT of work. Your friend should just say no firmly, even if guests offer to bring plates of food. Don't do it unless you have to!

I’m confused is this a problem your friend has or a problem you have? You open with writing for a friend who needs advice but then go on to talk about you and your partner