For not wanting to host christmas dinner for my friends?

[Railou]

(Writing for a friend who needs advice)
Me and my partner are the first ones who have an apartment. We have a group we hang out with most of them live with their parents. We usually don’t do dinner party’s since to much work and cleaning and it costs money. So we usually have a party here once a while. One of my guy friends asked like «yea when are guys gonna invite over for some christmas food?». Me and my partner do this lil thing where we treat ourself with some good homemade christmas food every year in december. But we had no plans in dinner parties with others, I told my friend that its to expensive and he asked «but what if everyone payed their share?»

My other friend agreed with me that its expensive. And we can rather do something else that dosn’t have to be expensive. I guess some people like the thought of coming to a fully set table with food and drinks without doing anything.

I thought it was normal for the host to invite to these dinner stuff not the guests inviting themself and try to plan in someone elses home.

@Coconutter24 sorry for the confusion! Im the friend with this (problem) i just wrote it like that since i dont have a user but my friend had , so sge let me borrow

Ahh I see, would you want a gathering at your place or is it purely just the cost that’s stopping you? If you wanted to then I think everyone bringing a dish and a bottle is a good idea that way the cost is split but if you don’t want to then just say no sorry we haven’t the time this year

It isn't just the cost though. It is the preparation, cooking, cleaning up as well. Is he going to do it all? I hate when people make arrangements for YOUR house. My narcissistical distant db did something similar, even took the liberty of picking up an M&S food catalogue to discuss with him, his partner, and dm.They had prearranged to come to ours for Christmas day.
We have two young dcs and a 4 seater dinner table, we used to have 6, and db wasn't overly keen we had changed it. Yet despite this, we are the ones with the house. God, I'm pleased he is now estranged. We are having a cosy Christmas just the 4 of us.

Your friend sounds as though they are overcomplicating it. Their friend must feel the friendship is strong enough to invite themselves over! I would just tell them I was happy to host a "bring a plate party" but nothing more than that.
Surely if you like them all that would not be too much trouble. If they are not satisfied with that that then just ignore the request.

@Coconutter24

its not just the cost, but the preparation, and cleaning and making everything nice. Even if it is bring a dish you have those who would just bring a bag of chips and a soda, i wouldn’t mind a board game night with chips and soda and candy. But its always reffered to our home. I know since they live with parents but sucks to
always have to host everything since none of them have their own place

@Coffeecakelatte
i also hate when people try make arrangements at our house like why not your house? Or somewhere else? It comes out a bit rude for me to just assume someone can just make plans at someone elses home without the host inviting or planning first and expected to pay for something he really wants to eat and do

Just laugh and say no thanks we are just having it the two of us! He was cheeky and you should have cut it off there and then - not say something where he could offer a 'solution'. If it comes up again just say nope we are enjoying it on our own.

Depends really n how much you want to hang out with your friends.

Personally I'm quite happy with providing a plate of food and/or drink and go to someone's.

I'm also happy for people to bring stuff and hang here.

The reason we often go to someone specifics house is varied. For example if friend without kids they came here so ds could be in bed.

During day with kids we went to friends with kids who have big houses and gardens.

I live in a flat so if playing loud board games we'd either have an earlier meet up here or later at someone's house where we won't piss the neighbours off quite so much!

But if you really dont want people at yours then you just say "Xmas food as a group sounds great - how about x place. These dates work for us - what works for you?"

Oh and we all tidy food away together, wash up on night and no friend expects a deep clean before they visit. They come to see me - not inspect my house!

I don't think, intrinsically, that a group of friends discussing together and perhaps suggesting to do something at the house of the person for which that sort of event would be easiest/best is weird. But I do think it's perferctly okay if the person whose house it is doesn't want to for whatever reason. If you did do it, in a situation like this I'd ask for proper contributions from everyone in terms of food and drink and as it's clear you're not that keen on the prep/cleaning up, I'd add that in too - right, Dave, you're the one who wants this so you're on washing up duty, Maria you're doing the drying up and Penny, can you come an hour early to help with table settings etc.

But at the end of the day, if you don't want to you don't have to.

Is there any reason they can’t host it their parents house and send the parents out for a meal. They still seem to be in kid mode and wanting everyone else to host.

Or if you were interested you could provide the venue and they could do all the paying, cooking, hosting and tidying away.

@Lotsofthings
idk but seems like they use live with parents excuse to never host anyhting and only want to be guests at other peoples home

I used to host my friends at my parents' (they went out) so I think it's just an excuse as they want an easy way out. It's so easy to want to come over to yours while you do all the work and most likely pay for the most. Just tell them you won't be hosting any parties at yours but you are up for meeting in a restaurant for a pre Xmas meal.

@Olika yea it goes like that «i live with my parents so its not easy». At least with eating out i dont have to pay for others and prep food or clean. Such a chore, we prob start inviting for dinner once others start inviting us aswell. For know it would always fall on us

You need to forget about the lamb ribs as they are very expensive.

Perhaps do "Nissegröt" and herring 😀

See, I think it is fun and relaxed to socialise at home, and CAN work out cheaper per head, especially as you bring your own wine.

So if I fancied a fun night in with friends I would say to your friend who suggested this “ lovely! You bring the «pinnekjøtt» ready cooked, we will provide a dessert, and we can all bring wine”

Most grown ups manage the washing ip for a party a few times a year.

But it is completely up to you.

Very pushy. They can host their own! Oh no, they'd have to do all the work . call them out on it

P.S Asian / halal butchers do lamb ribs more reasonably priced.

They are not a standard cut in standard butchers except as an expensive rack.

@Eddielizzard it do be like that haha, its easier said than done lol. Some just don’t wanna deal with the clean and food prep and the costs, so try let others do it

The guy who wants the dinner party can host and ask other people to pay! Your friend should just tell him no, it’s what my partner and I do together.

@gmgnts thats the thing its not something i have to do or its important for us to do. I love meeting my friends but not where we have to spend lots of money, even if people say they split, theres always a risk someone forgets or don’t have the money atm. I love more eating out with them, less work and cleaning.

@Railou It's so cheeky isn't it? They're always the kind of people that would have a very different opinion should anybody dare do that to them. It's all very well to say "if I had a house I would do X,Y & Z", when you're the one going to everybody else's. It must be lovely to live in a hypothetical world at everybody else's expense 😂

Don’t overthink. Just don’t mention it again. It’s not like you (well, your friend) has actually invited people and now needs to retract. Unless I’m misreading, all that’s really happened is, one cheeky friend has said “when are you inviting us round for Christmas food?” and no real response has been given. It just doesn’t need to be mentioned again. You’ve not actually invited people, not set a date, just don’t mention it.

@CandyCane457 i didn’t give him a response because i didn’t have one 🤣
my only thought is if he wants chritsmas food so bad he can host at his place and invite

@Coffeecakelatte yea🤣
i know he use that he lives with parents so he can’t lol. But in my opinion is rude to invite themselfs or try make plans at someone elses home without the person inviting

Just say no it doesn't suit you, or simply don't answer it.
Laugh at him if he mentions it again.
He's a cheeky fxxker.

Get used to saying no.
You prefer to go out.
That person is just a user wanting a free space.

Nice people, real friends, do not invite themselves over to your home.

Say NO and be very firm with them.
See them in a neutral venue.