For not wanting to host christmas dinner for my friends?

[Railou]

(Writing for a friend who needs advice)
Me and my partner are the first ones who have an apartment. We have a group we hang out with most of them live with their parents. We usually don’t do dinner party’s since to much work and cleaning and it costs money. So we usually have a party here once a while. One of my guy friends asked like «yea when are guys gonna invite over for some christmas food?». Me and my partner do this lil thing where we treat ourself with some good homemade christmas food every year in december. But we had no plans in dinner parties with others, I told my friend that its to expensive and he asked «but what if everyone payed their share?»

My other friend agreed with me that its expensive. And we can rather do something else that dosn’t have to be expensive. I guess some people like the thought of coming to a fully set table with food and drinks without doing anything.

I thought it was normal for the host to invite to these dinner stuff not the guests inviting themself and try to plan in someone elses home.

You are correct in that it is rude to invite yourself to someone else's house for a dinner party. It then clouds other considerations. You could probably work out the finances and work involved if you wanted to, and it was your idea to host. But it is all being undermined by the fundamental issue that someone has imposed on you and thoughtlessly put you in this position. The few Norwegian couples I have known over the years wouldn't take hosting lightly or even informally. They didn't do it often, but when they did they tended to make a real effort. So maybe the pan of pasta and everyone brings something isn't how you would do it and it wouldn't come easy to compromise. I think you are going to have to just say no, you don't want to do it but will have a meal out. Friends will understand.
And the 'don't want to corrupt my bank account' is a great way of putting it. Why should you suffer financially because of someone suggesting something you are not comfortable with.

With a group of friends that I have, we take turns in hosting.

One person supplies the home, sets the table etc. and the other 7 bring a dish each.
1 will bring an appetiser, 1 a large salad, 3 will bring a main dish, 2 bring a desert each.

Simple dishes, easy to eat.
We call it a pot luck night.
We all bring alchol with us.

Great evening, great catch up, inexpensive.

THAT is how you should consider hosting in future.

YOU occasionally allow YOUR home to host if you wish and THEY organise food or pay for a delivery of food.

Be firm on exactly what you want to offer, if anything.

Your friend should tell this cheeky fucker man that it's polite to wait for an invitation!

If she wants to be less combative, she could just say she doesn't want to host this year and is having a quiet Christmas with just her partner.

No one owes their hospitality to other people. It's perfectly fine to do what she wants. If cheeky fucker man is capable of asking, he's capable of hearing the word no!

@ABirdsEyeView i know if i want food like that and friends around id host at my own place not try invite myself and the rest to someone elses home without being invited first.

Don’t think it needs a president! May set a precedent though…

OP doesn’t want to host?

Op i too find hosting tiring and expensive On the upside it motivates me to clean organize and decorate Chores im going to do anyways I usually get alot done because a party is motivating me @Raineys has good suggestions Since your friends are young and living with parents how about just bring your own drink and simple no cook chips dip pretzels veggies cheese and crackers Basic appetizers And for the one cheeky friend who doesnt cook prepare or purchase food ever …plates cups and napkins Hosting gets easier the more you do it

You could always make it a potluck

Does anyone else feel like me, that at our age (70) its a lot of faff and a lot of waste to do the full on Xmas day lunch just for 2 of us. I love Turkey but after 3 days I dont want to see it again for a year. You do you OP and good luck and enjoy

As someone who hosts people at every occasion I think you need to cheer up. It’s as expensive as you want it to be. You can also do a potluck many of ours friends do that and it’s lots of fun. It’s a beautiful way to create memories in your home. Money is replaceable. Friendships aren’t.

Your friend clearly doesn't want to and that's fine. If they did want to and were worried about cost / clearing up, other options are invite everyone for a takeaway and make clear they're paying their own, ask everyone to bring a dish (in something disposable eg foil), or cook something cheap and one pot around Christmas time and say ita a Christmas get together but not Christmas food. Of course no one has to have a dinner party if they don't want to, but just say you don't want to, as if you make it about cost / clearing up then you'll get people suggesting solutions for those issues