Boyfriend staying out all night when we have a baby

[Astronomer13]

AIBU??
Boyfriend and I have been together 2 years and have a 6 mth old baby and everything is great. The only real issue is him staying out drinking until gone midnight, semi-regularly. Sometimes he’s come in past 3am. I’d say once a month on average.
Hes currently awol after saying he’d be home 6 hrs ago and not answering his phone. I’ve looked after the baby all day, he left the house at 1pm and it’s now 11pm, fed, bathed, entertained, done bedtime etc.
It’s almost certain that at some point he will lose his phone or the battery will die. I wouldn’t even mind if I knew he was going to be out all night but he will ALWAYS say he’ll be home by 6/7/“only having a couple of drinks”. It’s so predictable now that I feel daft expecting any more from him, and I don’t like the conflict so just brush it off usually.
I get that he works hard and needs to let off steam, but it seems so unequal. I’m on maternity leave and breastfeeding, don’t get any respite obviously with a young baby, get zero time alone. It’s building resentment. He’s always been like this so can I expect him to change? Any tips of how to approach this with him?

This.

Too late for OP but perhaps can serve as a cautionary tale for others. It can work out but it often doesnt. Take your time.

Choosing a mother /father for your child should be a big deal.

And yes OP he is out of order going AWOL and not being clear about when he will return. Can I ask how old you both are? I’m assuming late 20s/early 30s?

Except when he fucks off and doesn’t contact you all day and doesn’t give a crap how the baby is then? Yes, great dad material.

and no a ‘typical man’ isn’t terrified of changing a nappy.

Honestly I’d just acknowledge when he goes out that he’s going to be late home and then get on with your night in that knowledge rather than you both pretending you think he’ll be home in time for dinner. I don’t think his phone dying is even a particularly huge deal really: people managed for centuries without having a means of constant contact with everyone they knew, and all was generally fine. Arrange your own nights out with your friends on the same terms.

I’m 32 he’s 35.
It’s not like we were strangers having a kid together. We knew each other for many years before being in a relationship

So as someone who does this myself 🙈😂 I can tell you why I do it and it might help understand your DHs behaviour. I am so highly strung and on top of life all the time. House / kids/ holidays etc so when I go out I just want to be free and forget and not have responsibilities. I know my DH has control at home of the kids and it’s my time to be free. I’m always out with my mum or school friends and we become kids again and drink far too fizz and chat for hours and sometimes dance in a pub. It’s like feeling young again. I used to give a time to DH when I would be home but it would make me feel like I was on a deadline if I was enjoying myself so I stopped and said I’ll be back on life / duty at 1 pm tomorrow . Now , more often or not would be back by midnight but I did it so I felt free.

It’s the same with DH I say I’ll see you tomorrow have fun! Then I let him lie in and recover. (Agin sometime not practical as we have kids rugby, social arrangements etc) . His and my phone would die so we put find friends on, he knows where I’m going and who I’m out with and that’s it really.

Make sure you go out - if he goes once a month you go as well.

What’s your age got to do with anything ? Except prove that you should have been old enough to know better then to have a baby with poor father material.

I didn’t say “terrified of changing a nappy”😂

He hasnt grown up. He's a boy, not a man.

@Astronomer13
So how many times have you been out since your baby was born?

He is completely selfish and unreliable. I would speak to him, give him opportunity to change his ways (maybe) and if not, leave. He is disrespecting you and your child. If you're doing it all alone anyway, then might as well not have a man-child to look after at the same time!

Didn’t comment on the fact he doesn’t care about his baby all day though when he can’t be bothered to contact you.

You will be split up within a couple of years. Sad life for a child but it was bound to happen when you date a man child.

Thank you for the insight

No idea why you’re laughing..

I apologise

Are you Meg from Motherland?

You're stuck with an asshole.

What are you going to do about that?

Typical man?

Your expectations are far too low.

How many babies had you taken care of 24/7 before your own arrived?

I think you’re getting a bit of a rough ride here, OP. I’m sorry.

Have you spoken to him about this at all?

OP I don’t know why everyone’s pounced on your partner- this doesn’t warrant splitting up with him over. Just clearer boundaries- eg - take a battery pack charger, put find friends on and ask where he’s going and who with in case you need to contact him. (Not in a . Controlling way but if safety / contact in case anything happens with baby is your concern). He sounds great otherwise you’ve said so this isn’t a big deal. (Assuming you trust him).

Like I say- I do it- I’m not chatting up men or anything, we’re more than likely in the village champagne bar singing Les Mis at full pelt talking about the school PTA 😂 but enjoying that bit of freedom!

He's 35?

He's old enough to know he should be behaving much better than he is.

He's an immature loser, OP.

Oh I wish I love her! But yeah 😍 that vibe … though not as drunk I have to say!

I have spoken to him yeah but, as someone else said I think it needs to be a proper conversation when he’s not hungover and I’m not angry!
Was just looking for a bit of advice really and feel like I’m getting ripped apart here🥴

Just clearer boundaries- eg - take a battery pack charger, put find friends on and ask where he’s going and who with in case you need to contact him.

The man is 35 years old. Not a wayward teenager. Imagine parenting with someone who can’t be arsed to make sure he is contactable when he goes out drinking with his mates,

This is a good idea 👍🏼

Is he back now ?

I met a newly married couple this weekend, I know the guy and met his wife. Her Husband has a tendency to “go AWOL” and they openly shared that he has his location on his phone so she can see where he is.

Could this help ? I personally don’t like the idea and felt a bit blindsided at the conversation.