People seem angrier somehow

[MissMarplesCat]

Probably noticed it previously but it really feels that way recently. Other than that, it might be my own perception, but I can't see why. Things are generally ok in my life, and I find it easy to get along with people.

So for a while I notice people are somehow less friendly, some openly rude. I am sure it was always this way, but I'm not too sure.

We have been away to a popular tourist area recently and instead of seeming happy or excited a lot of people looked pretty pissed off, especially on the roads, although the roads weren't packed.

Several people have been openly rude to me, especially men, and I wondered wtf, could it be something about me? I look pretty benign really, so can't see how, but if it happens enough you do wonder!

I get that the world is screwed up right now, and people are having a hard time in general, but to me it seems to be since covid, or maybe it was always there and I have only just noticed?

I don't recall people being so abrupt and unfriendly years ago, but I guess that's all I've got to go on.

I travel around the UK quite a bit with work, and have noticed it all over, not just in my own particular provincial backwater

Yup, I'm pretty sure that the crap customer service these days is why so many customers get angry and abusive. It's a two way street.

My OH has terrible trouble every sodding month getting his chemotherapy prescription - between the oncology dept and the pharmacist, they manage to screw it up almost every month, always blame each other. Last month he spent hours on the phone being passed from pillar to post trying to get them to raise the prescription and then chasing the pharmacy. He's had too many wasted trips to the hospital pharmacy only to find it's not ready, not been raised, not been approved, etc. He's had the same chemo package for five years now. After phone calls over 3 days, the pharmacy finally told him it was ready for collection, so he went through to get it. It wasn't ready! He hit the roof at them! There's only so much crap customer service you can put up with. Then he overheard one of the pharmacy assistants obviously on the phone to the oncology dept trying to expedite it, saying something like "there's this old git kicking off" - he hit the roof again as it was THEIR fault not his. Finally got the pharmacist himself out of his cubicle to come and sort it out as no one else was remotely bothered!

Tried to organise some replacement wheels in our local Volvo dealership. The service receptionist hadn't a clue and was clearly floundering, so we suggested she got someone from the parts department. Lots of huffing and eye rolling and "I know what I'm doing" attitude. After about an hour she gave us a written quote for what we were asking for - it was for 19 inch wheels whereas our car has 18 inch wheels - she knew it was 18inch as we'd already told her that and it was on the screen as she had all our car details on her system. If we hadn't noticed, they'd have ordered the wrong wheels and we'd have wasted a day of our time taking the car in on a fruitless errand. When we pointed it out to her, of course it wasn't her fault, it was the system, apparently we'd not told her the right size etc. In the end, we just walked out and won't be going back there!

@PeggyMitchellsCameo

I think lockdown influenced us all, and dumbed us down.

I have no doubt that lockdowns didn't help, but all the problems mentioned on this thread were happening before lockdowns. I think Covid accelerated the decline, but certainly didn't cause it.

I've not noticed it at all, it's just confirmation bias for your own state of mind. Start noticing the good stuff

Things I do notice - my brilliant next door neighbour who is just wonderful.
My other half’s grandchildren who view the world as a playground. They are enthusiastic about everything.
The daft voice notes I send to an elderly friend - she calls them Peggy’s Podcasts.
And there as still things I love to do - send written cards and notes. Good manners. A crisply ironed tea towel.

I've not noticed it at all, it's just confirmation bias for your own state of mind. Start noticing the good stuff

I was just about to say that am I the only one who hasn’t noticed when you posted that.

Wow I'd have said a huge thank you to him!

Maybe CoVid. But I think this feeling of aggression or poor social mixing is something to do with social media. That divides, keys people up into little sections, and spends a lot of time telling you certain sections of society are this and that, not like you, and so the template is aggressive interacting or an anxious one.

Psychologically being engaged all the time like this where you might have a device in your pocket telling you undiluted messages about other people, possibly hateful about them, is the extra thing to me which has changed. It is new. And I think probably it accounts for a lot of the hostility described.

I would suggest less secret thinking

A couple of observations:

You can’t tell who the wealthier demographic are. A substantial number who work, and are home owners are struggling financially. Good quality clothes and cars built to last may have been bought in more abundant times.

Some problems cannot be solved with a bit of extra money. Friend whose parents need carers is stressed. There are a shortage of paid carers in their area, meaning companies cannot offer the amount of daily care visits her parents need, so she’s having to pick up the slack herself, in between working and caring for kids.

I think social media is the biggest problem. People just go down a rabbit hole of algorithms that reinforce any stereotypical views they already had.

And customer service is shit these days. That is the fault of Covid.

I’ve been driving for 35 years and I have had no more aggressive experiences with male drivers than I ever had. They’ve always hated women once they’re behind the wheel

I have noticed an untick of women acting just a bit shitty in a way I never noticed before and think is new. Minor things like complaining that the £3 coffee isn’t quite as they requested (because “mostly water with a splash of oat milk” is super clear), returning something they’ve worn once but didn’t like, turning their car in the middle of a busy street when there is a roundabout ahead, dissing the teacher on WhatsApp or just generally being a bit but not overtly rude.

As for why, I don’t know. Social media? Lack of empathy? I hate it though.

I think we’ve elevated extreme individualism and lost a sense of being a society and smaller communities. I grew up with the form er and now see a massive difference in general attitudes. Before people would definitely often put others first (eg disabled,person getting on a bus as mentioned by PP above).

Internet too has had hugely negative influence on our attention and how we spend out time. More individually spent time. Less connection with others in groups.

Just a thought; when I recently read about Danish life it sounded as though they grow up in a culture that gives very high value in an overt way to society and choose rules and ways that support this. I wish we could realise what we are losing and change direction so people feel more connected and regain hope.

Yes definitely, I was just thinking this the other day!
Reading an exchange on our village social media where a guy completely lost it at something completely innocent someone had posted!
Other drivers are so rude and impatient too

What a surprise, being forced to live in this dump of a country.

Sacrificing the young to the old.
Very well put.
Many people secretly rage about that.
It covers a variety of scenarios.

I agree with your sentiments but I also think when money is tighter that people are more inclined to send that coffee back if it isn’t perfect, or send clothes back if they aren’t sure that they will last.

Exactly. Money is tighter than ever, and companies are constantly pushing their luck by cutting quality to the bare bones and hiking prices. I'm on a crusade to send back absolutely everything and anything if I spot it's shoddy quality.
Tired of feeling like I'm being conned, and I expect many people feel the same and that also probably contributes to a general feeling of hostility.

I have noticed this a lot too. It's pretty dispiriting.

I heard someone on a random TV show the other day say, "good manners provide quality of life", and this really struck a chord with me.

I know that I feel a lot better in myself if I make an effort (not always easy) to be polite and patient in public life - not get annoyed on the road, let other cars out, hold doors open for others, smile, let people ahead of me in queues if they're obviously in a rush or wrangling small children. I also obviously feel better when others are also polite and considerate.

I guess the idea is that being well mannered and respectful of others creates a more pleasant society for everyone, both for the givers and receivers of respect and consideration.

Certainly Covid has had a significant impact but it remains to be seen over time how much societal change it’s caused.

Overcrowding, cost of living for even just the basics, static wages, social media and easy of access to extreme pornography are factors in making the UK simply a foul place to live at the moment.

It’s very clear there has been a further breakdown in social behaviour and it’s getting worse every passing year. Crime rates, drug use, attacks, verbal use, poor attitudes towards women all increasing.

I live in a semi rural town in the South East. It’s changed in 10 years from being a peaceful, quiet pleasant place to being a traffic clogged, loud, cannabis fuelled toy town with faceless homogeneous new build estates.

There is no community! It feels dystopian; whole communities live shut in their tiny boxes, ignoring everyone around them. Poor services too; thousands and thousands more people here now but no increase in basic infrastructure.

Queues for everything! Everything! Police not following up reports. GP appointments take 3/4 weeks now and like another poster says, nothing works! Bus services cut, trains are extremely expensive, traffic is unreal.

What I am really disliking is the heavy focus on being constantly “ correct” and for want of a better word “ watched” in society. Yet we have on the flip side, rampant lawlessness which isn’t being addressed.

By that I mean the outward obsession with “woke”; so safeguarding, you can’t really have an opinion, causing offence easily, our lives being completely intruded upon to the extent that when I apply for a job now I have to explain why I left a student job when I was 19 from 30 years ago.

Every aspect of my life as a law abiding citizen is logged, noted. Yet shoplifting, drugs, fraud, attacks, domestic violence is mostly being ignored by the police, with criminals being let out early.

Nothing is done and cases rarely make it court. No one can afford lawyers either which is really affecting those trying to seek justice.

I honestly find this topsy turvy weird social approach in the UK quite bizarre, scary and very 1984.

I’ve also noticed can increase in men being rude. Fuelled by “ equality” no doubt!

Men treat women like commodities much of the time still. Society still allows men to walk away from their childcare responsibilities- look at the rubbish child maintenance service! You can just up and leave your family - no consequence. I am generalising of course, but the attitude to women is that men can just do whatever they like and we can see that in the increase in sexual assaults, rapes, etc.

Divorce courts have changed and now men are given parity in equity no matter what career sacrifices women make to bring up children.

It may seem outwardly that women have more rights but I’m not seeing it on the ground.

I’m seeing men really feeling entitled and trying to constant assert control or mansplain me.

Saying that, I do meet lots of lovely people every day and my daughter received excellent care at Kings College Hospital last week. My vets are amazing and the baristas at my local coffee shop are great, so friendly !

Why are these issues - high cost of living, overcrowding, covid, the weather (ffs 😂) used as reasons for being rude, though? My mortgage and Sainsbury’s bill has gone up, like millions of others, but I don’t behave like a cunt. I live in the north west where it rains pretty much every day (but there are fewer people and I definitely think overcrowding is a south east thing) but I just get on with life? What’s the point of snarling at people in the street?

Japan is a homogenous culture.

I haven't noticed it irl but all the angry people seem to be on mumsnet now!

There is definitely a thing about manners. In the parts of the U.K. where it feels good, manners culture applies. In the parts where it feels bad, it is all about rules. People insisting they can do what they want, there is no law against it, or you have to comply. There is no latitude.

Manners culture has a lot of implicit understanding in it. You do this I do that, and all of it goes unsaid.

By the time you’ve got people insisting on rules and standards to regulate behaviour then there are problems. People get very pissed off.

I agree with everything's that been said and I've been feeling that too.
But society is made up of individuals so if its not working in tbe way you'd like, we can all chose to behave differently. Be that patient person when driving, that considerate and polite person when out and about, that friendly person when in the company of strangers.

I agree social media algorithms are a major factor.

I was going to name change for this, but what the hell. About 2 years ago over the space of about 2 months DH became grumpy and negative and his political views shifted abruptly. First I worried he had a hormonal imbalance or illness then, when our sex life died, I suspected an affair.

Finally our adult DC, who had also started to worry, had a look at his Twitter account. About 3 months earlier he'd gone from liking the odd sports post to liking the odd political post. Within a couple of weeks he was liking more and more increasingly divisive content, up to 200 likes a week. Stuff he would have laughed at people for believing just a few months earlier. I searched some of the accounts he was liking and so many were obviously bot accounts. He had naively let himself become radicalised.

He was defensive but agreed to delete his old account and start a new one and stop engaging with anything contentious. Within ONE WEEK he was noticeably happier. Months later he had completely reengaged with family life, our sex life recovered and he was enjoying life and excited about the future again.

I am still shocked how quickly it happened and how my sensible moderate DH was sucked in. The funny thing is that I'd spent a lot of time talking to the younger DC about the danger of social media algorithms and the necessity to actively manage them, but never dreamed I'd have to do the same with DH who, back then, rarely engaged with social media.

Now, with Twitter/X likes being private we would not have been able to spot the cause of the problem so quickly and intervene. I think the speed of DH's radicalisation was due to him not realising people could see what he'd liked. His perception of anonymity.