Would you bring Dh food back from the restaurant on your birthday?

[Almostthattimeoftheyearagain]

It’s my birthday this week, I have a young Dd and the plan is to have a nice day with her. It’s things she enjoys doing, but I like doing them with her too…we’ll visit santa, go to a Christmas village, maybe a film and then pizza (we’ll be doing more of this kind of things at weekends too with Dh)
Dh will be working all day until 6, it’s dark and cold by then and Dd will get tired, plus i’m not fussed about going out in the evening.
Dd and I will have the dinner out a bit earlier and be back by 6. Would you bring Dh some food from the restaurant back for his dinner? Feel a bit mean not doing so and him having a toastie or something for dinner, but also on a budget before christmas and it’s a fair bit extra to bring a pizza back, plus Dh hasnt planned making any dinner or getting a takeaway for my birthday, I’ve organised it all, although I know he’ll get a cake a small presents off dd

It seems like you’ve decided you’re not interested in celebrating your birthday with your DH - either resentful your he won’t take the day off work (which is unreasonable to expect) or just don’t like him that much. Or both. I’m having a hard time believing this is a great relationship.

Figure out what works nicely for you and your child for the actual day. Let him sort out his own “special time” himself. If sure he can find a pizza if left to be a competent person.

@AGoingConcern The thing is though, he never plans anything, asks what i’d like to do. It’s always just left to me to decide and plan on a takeaway etc. If I say/do nothing, i’d just be making a normal dinner like always. He’s never cooked anything nice for it or planned a restaurant for the weekend or even asked…Dd on the other hand has it all planned out and her idea was the balloons etc

I'd probably do the Christmas things/movie with dd then go home and get a takeaway with dh.

What a palaver.
Would he even mind if you don't bring him back a pizza?
I can't think of a reason you wouldn't, but if it involves all those mental gymnastics, maybe you shouldn't.
More important to sort out the resentment that's there, as that is corrosive.

You sound a bit of a diva, or maybe I have low expectations or am just assertive.
Also how old is your DD? Maybe her idea of balloons is because she is a child and her idea of a birthday whereas your husband is a grown up, I would not expect balloons for my birthday (unless it was a big birthday and maybe a special balloon).

I would be planning my own birthday meal 'DH shall we go to X on my birthday? I know you are working but maybe you could meet us at y when you are finished? '

Or 'DH I am planning on taking DD out on my birthday as you are working. Shall I book a meal out at the weekend or have you done so already, if not I would like to go to X'

Hope this isn’t a “I need to be back by x time to make my useless husbands dinner” relationships

all because he can’t cook

To be honest I wouldn’t bother, I’d be a bit disappointed if my DH and DD had had a lovely meal out and just bought me back a cold pizza to eat on my own.

I personally would want to eat as a family or at least with my DH on my birthday. If you can’t afford a takeaway can’t you get something nice to cook between the 2 of you once DD has gone to bed so it’s not as expensive as a takeaway but still something nice?

You’ve said you expect him to have cards, balloons, cake & presents sorted for the morning. He’s not ignoring your birthday, but he isn’t correctly anticipating what you want.

Have you ever told him you’d like him to plan dinner in the evening for your birthday?

[and don’t start with framing this as a competition between your DD and DH… she’s a child, she’s naturally come up with a list of things she likes for other people to make happen]

@AGoingConcern Sorry? I’m not framing anything as a competition between dh and dd wtf.
I’m saying that it takes my own child to say Let’s get mummy balloons’ or ‘What presents are we getting her’ and so on

So you think your DH would do nothing on his own? Is that what always happened on your birthdays before your DD was 3 or so?

Wouldn't cross my mind to bring him food back. I always think doggy bags are a bit grim.

I also wouldn't be doing Christmas stuff. It's not even December.

@AGoingConcern He got a cake, card, something no proper present, def no balloons. I think he only did those things as I did and got upset in the past.

@SunblockSue It is at the weekend, a few days later 😂

Are balloons for adults a new thing? I don’t think I’ve ever had or wanted them since I was a child - it may genuinely just not have been on your DP’s radar if he’s similar.

I’d also be wanting to do something with him, not just your DD. Even if that’s at the weekend.

I must be mean because it wouldn't even cross my mind to bring DP pizza back if I were in your position. I wouldn't expect him to either if he went out for dinner. I especially wouldn't be arsed if it was pizza with DC, he can put a pizza in the oven at home? Or better still, cook a meal for himself. Like we all do every night.

If you're happy with that then it's fine.

At least there's thought and effort there unlike many on here

Haven’t read the full thread but based off the first post I think you’re over thinking. Has he actually asked you to bring some food home for him? He might not be bothered all. Also surely is he not capable of cooking himself something more than a toastie, he’s home by 6, that’s plenty of time to make himself a proper meal, or does he always rely on you for cooking for him?

@Almostthattimeoftheyearagain

are you going to go out just you and DH at the weekend OP so you can celebrate your birthday with him too? Like you could go for a nice meal out on Saturday night followed by a few drinks or something.

Tbh, my DH has always needed “guidance” with regard to my birthday. It’s best to tell him exactly how I want to celebrate it or he forgets and gets me a card last-minute. He’s also been known to get me a cake that I don’t like, even though a local bakery makes one that I love and I’ve told him this many years. 😂

It’s not that he doesn’t care, he’s just hopeless with this type of thing. DD (19) is much better!

I suspect as you're an adult he presumed you wouldn't be fussed on balloons. If he gets them now he knows it upsets you not having them then fair play to him; except for milestone birthdays I've never known an adult want balloons, I'd do the same as him.

I’ve never brought anyone food home from a restaurant.

Why doesn’t he just pick something up for himself on the way home from work.

So he doesn't see a birthday as a night off normal cooking? We would always either go out to eat or have a takeaway on anyone's birthday. I am guessing you do all the cooking at home?

I was also a bit bemused by that. I think I would think it was a bit of a joke if DH did balloons for my birthday.

I’m not fussed about balloons obviously, its all
Dds idea and its fun and effort I suppose