Would you bring Dh food back from the restaurant on your birthday?

[Almostthattimeoftheyearagain]

It’s my birthday this week, I have a young Dd and the plan is to have a nice day with her. It’s things she enjoys doing, but I like doing them with her too…we’ll visit santa, go to a Christmas village, maybe a film and then pizza (we’ll be doing more of this kind of things at weekends too with Dh)
Dh will be working all day until 6, it’s dark and cold by then and Dd will get tired, plus i’m not fussed about going out in the evening.
Dd and I will have the dinner out a bit earlier and be back by 6. Would you bring Dh some food from the restaurant back for his dinner? Feel a bit mean not doing so and him having a toastie or something for dinner, but also on a budget before christmas and it’s a fair bit extra to bring a pizza back, plus Dh hasnt planned making any dinner or getting a takeaway for my birthday, I’ve organised it all, although I know he’ll get a cake a small presents off dd

Just bring him back a pizza, you seem to be weirdly digging your heels in about this 😂
Or forgo the meal out with dd and just order pizzas in for the two of you once she’s gone to bed if you’d rather.
Birthdays as an adult can be a bit meh, I go to town for my big ones but other than that we all get a takeaway and enjoy it by the fire for the rest of them.

Your original post sounded resentful that you feel he isnt making enough effort which is why you dont want to bring him anything back. But actually, he can't help having to work and cake/balloons/presents sounds like a pretty good effort for a work day.

Personally, I'd have day out with dd and then go home for nice takeaway with dh but you obviously dont want to do that and say you cant afford to bring him anything back so really there isnt another option (other than him making himself something better than a toastie!)

Does your house only have a toastie maker or something?

DH sounds like he's making a lovely effort, considering you don't want to go out on the evening when he has finished work or get a takeaway. Not sure what else you want from him

Sounds like you prefer spending time with your DD rather than your DH.

This is how it came across to me. Like she sees herself and her DD as a unit.

It might just be one of those things but I do find it interesting that she hasn't answered any of the questions asking about how their relationship is in general

Unless I've missed it, you haven't said whether he's asked you to bring him home a pizza?

Has he?

Your DH sounds nice and makes an effort for your birthday but you don't need to bring him anything back.

I would just tell him you plan to be out with DD all day for your birthday, and will eat out, so he knows to sort himself that evening.

Hope you have a lovely day.

@Almostthattimeoftheyearagain
I'd still want to have the 'treat' birthday meal with my husband or all 3 of us. It's up to you obviously and you know your relationship with your husband so if thats what you're both happy with, that's fine.

In my case, absolutely.
Your husband can presumably feed himself.
😐

You can do what you want to. You don’t need permission.
But the man is doing what I would expect any partner to: balloons, card, cake and presents. What else is needed??!
And it’s not his fault he can’t take the day off. I wouldn’t spend my precious AL on my husband’s birthday.

I mean I wouldn’t eat with DD and maybe have a meal with my husband? But that’s just me and I work FT so usually spend my birthdays just working!

And yes it does read like you and DD are a unit and DH is excluded from your relationship. And that you resent his birthday contribution which sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

Most of my birthdays are spent with some cake and presents in the morning before school run/everyone goes to work. We usually spend the evening with the kids and then head out to dinner (if possible and sometimes it’s not so we a nice dinner with the kids and go out later in the week). I assumed this was fairly standard?!

I would come home earlier rather than go out for dinner and use the money to get takeaway together

I mean I would personally. You say you're on a budget but are affording to do all these nice things with your DD including pizza...so it is a bit mean in that sense IMO

I would skip the lunch out and have pizza in the evening with my husband

Before I went back to work after maternity leave I would have had birthdays without my DH at home. We usually celebrated at the weekend then so we can all enjoy the day out. Same now we are both working, we don't take a day off for our birthday and will celebrate at the weekend as a family.

I don't really understand why your birthday is turning into such a drama. What would you normally do on a day home with your DD? Is it the norm you go out and eat? Would you then bring a meal home?
It sounds like you are doing a special Santa day which is a shame your DH will miss.

Personally I would have a birthday meal at the weekend and maybe buy something cheap while out for the day, or more likely I would take a packed lunch to save money.

On any occasion where I knew I am going to be eating out with the kids during the day I would probably just mention this to DH and then ask if he wanted me to get anything in (more likely a ready meal that is quick and easy to cook for when he got home).

I would go out with dd for the day and have a takeaway and a glass of wine with dh when he gets home.

Not something I'd do but if I went out for dinner it might not be local so it would be cold by the time I brought it back. A proper food delivery would be better as it would be insulated and delivered quicker than the time we'd take. But that would be hypothetical anyway because we always do birthday celebrations on a weekend, mainly so DH and dcs can join in without work/school getting in the way. On the day itself we'd open gifts and cards and have a cake, maybe a takeaway or nice home cooked food, but it's all low-key.

Totally agree, OP think about how you would feel if your DH went out for a fun day and didn't include you in any of the celebrations of a meal/takeaway either that day or at a time when you are both home.

The things people ask advice on.

No, that's fine.

Personally I’d do all the nice things with DD that day bar eating out.
Then go for an early family dinner on Saturday evening to celebrate. I like eating out with my kids but given it’s expensive I’d much prefer to do it as a family so can enjoy adult/spouse company as well as DC.

Exactly !

"DH , y'know DD are going out on Thursday , do you want me to bring you back some pizza ? Then we can have the cake for dessert"

He might say "Yeah that sounds nice , I;ll reheat it "
Or
"No you're alright , I;ll have an omlette or something"

Your DD might be shattered and want to come home earlier than you plan to eat.

The posts on here that are all No why should you / No he's quite capable of doing his own are quite sad .

I sometimes phone my Adult Son and Adult Husband if DD and I have been out and say "we;re on our way home , d'you fancy anything from MaccyD drive through" . Clearly I need to hand in my MN Badge ,

Would it be much extra to get a slightly bigger pizza for you so you could bring a couple slices home? Then he could just add something like salad to it.

Just get a nice frozen pizza for him, say you were sad he couldn’t be there and maybe pick up a few nice picky bits for you all to go with his tea. Every year DH does the same, cake, card, few wrapped gifts from the kids, balloons and puts birthday music on the tv 😂 it’s the best 🥰

I would bring him back some food, it’s not as if he’s out on a jolly, he’s working!

Im sure he’d much rather spend the day with you and DD.

I’d want to bring him home the pizza. And if it wasn’t affordable I’d go somewhere cheaper so I could bring back his dinner.