Am I giving DH a hard time or is he being selfish?

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We live 5 mins from my in laws who have a really big house.

I'm going away on a business trip for a few days and we've all decided it's best that my kids ( 2 and 4 ) stay with in laws during this time.

They've not had many sleepovers there, but they absolutely love spending the day there. My oldest is dying to sleep over.

At home, I tend to sleep with my 2 year old and even my 4 year old often comes to find me in the night. She's happy to sleep with her dad too or with both of us. The 2 year old is more mummy specific.

Anyway, my H won't be able to drive them to school/ nursery, but may be able to put them to bed on some of the days. I mentioned it would be good if he also stayed at MIL house. The kids will inevitably wake up and it will be nice for them that their dad is there. Even if he can't be there at every bed time. They could make sure little one sleeps in dad's bed. So when he wakes, his dad is with him.

He doesn't want to do that and just wants to sleep at our house. Even the night he can do bed times, he would just leave them there and come home after.

Is he always so lazy?

I think you are both setting yourself up for a hard future if you make plans as though he can't look after the kids alone without you.

I mean if you've all decided it's best for the kids to be there (can't imagine why?) then it seems a bit silly for him to be there too? Otherwise they could just be at home?

They're his children. Why aren't they staying at home and him doing 100% of the parenting? That's how it works when one parent isn't there.

Because he cannot get the time off from his work.

He leaves at 5:30 and doesn't get home until 8:30-9 pm. He physically can't do it this week.

I can’t understand how this makes sense? Is he absolutely lazy and incompetent?

Ok: cross posted.

Still: he clearly thinks that the children are somehow someone else’s problem if he won’t sleep over to make sure two very young children manage.

What's the point in him staying with them really? He should be looking after them at home.

I'll go against the grain here.

If ILs are okay with it, and your DH is out the house working for 15 hours a day, he can sleep where he wants! He probably wants to be able to switch off, and may feel he can't do it there (I can't around my parents).

If kids, and ILs are happy is there really a problem here?

Surely if you are away having guaranteed night's sleeps he can choose to do the same if he has the option? I guarantee dc won't wander during the night.. I bet they sleep through at dgps home. Different 'rules' for different places ime.
Dgc never slept through anywhere except at out home!

Why can't he look after his own children??

Sooner or later your kids need to sleep somewhere without mum and dad. We've just had a family problem and one child was more than happy to spend the night with her parents friends (disappointed to come home to be honest😁)
Your husband staying also will be extra work for your pil. And take away from the time the kids spend with them.

Sorry just seen he has early starts and late finishes

Yes he should be there overnight too, that way if they wake he can look after them, not his parents. After all that is his job.

Can DCs and ILs see how they get on without him there overnight, and then make adjustments if necessary?

I absolutely get why you feel anxious about going away when they are used to sleeping with you at night. But from my perspective (having had no family in the UK & no family babysitting etc throughout my DC’s childhood), I’d be excited to see how it works out with overnights at the grandparents. It could be that DCs don’t feel the same need to co-sleep when they are in a different family environment, and the excitement and novelty will tide them over.

Would ILs be willing to stay over at yours? I think 2 and 4 is a bit young to spend an entire week in grandparents home that doesn’t have their beds, their toys, - that is unfamiliar. It may not even be as child safe as your home- my home isn’t child safe for a toddler and preschooler as my DC are teens and older. You being away for a week is likely to be more successful if the children are looked after in their own home.

Bonus: This means DH would be there at night too.

It may be nice for your little one but it is not essential. They are more than likely sleep perfectly fine at GPs and I would be inclined to encourage independent sleeping anyway. I think your partner should stay at home and let the grandparents crack on.

@SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice OP hasn't said it's a full week? Just a few days.

Oh, sorry, I guess I assumed the few days would be most of a work week given the concern over the DH’s schedule. I also thought it was Monday travel out, few days away, and Friday travel back. But I admit freely that is due to my own experiences and making assumptions based on that.

I think he is being ridiculously selfish. So often men find a way to off load their domestic labour on (usually a female relative). He is just looking forward to having alone time.

It's 3 nights and in laws house is child proof.

Last time they went back and forth from our house and the children stayed here.

The GP have requested them at their house this time, as it's less tiring for them to have them in their home. I also think maybe the children will miss me less as they're in a different environment. I'm hoping anyway. But seeing as they're doing us a favour, I can't really force them to keep the kids at our house.

In laws and my husband work together. So it's either grandma takes it off or husband. So whenever it's a trip like this for me, grandma likes to take it off. That's just how it is. I would love it if dad did it all on his own for once, but that won't happen. It's a complex arrangement.

I think they'll be fine with GP'S and given his working hours the arrangement makes sense.
I would let him get a break and some decent kip. He can always go round if there's a problem settling them.

So he's working really long hours and his parents are caring for the kids as per their request. So it's for him to arrange how/when he sees his children with his parents. No need to micromanage this one OP

I would let then get on with it, go on your trip and don't worry. Dad and Grandparents can sort it out between them.

He doesn't need to be there. They can have an adventure at their grandparents and he can have some time to himself. No harm in that.

Meh, if his parents are happy I don't really see what's wrong with him enjoying a couple of childfree nights. My youngest (also 2) calls for DH most nights, but the times she's slept at my in-laws' or my parents', she generally sleeps through, and if not a grandparent going to her has been absolutely fine.

I'm with you. He should stay over with the kids in case there is an issue and they get scared or need to be settled.