Am I giving DH a hard time or is he being selfish?

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We live 5 mins from my in laws who have a really big house.

I'm going away on a business trip for a few days and we've all decided it's best that my kids ( 2 and 4 ) stay with in laws during this time.

They've not had many sleepovers there, but they absolutely love spending the day there. My oldest is dying to sleep over.

At home, I tend to sleep with my 2 year old and even my 4 year old often comes to find me in the night. She's happy to sleep with her dad too or with both of us. The 2 year old is more mummy specific.

Anyway, my H won't be able to drive them to school/ nursery, but may be able to put them to bed on some of the days. I mentioned it would be good if he also stayed at MIL house. The kids will inevitably wake up and it will be nice for them that their dad is there. Even if he can't be there at every bed time. They could make sure little one sleeps in dad's bed. So when he wakes, his dad is with him.

He doesn't want to do that and just wants to sleep at our house. Even the night he can do bed times, he would just leave them there and come home after.

I’m surprised he doesn’t want to be there for his kids.

Nothing you can do but I would be fairly unimpressed.

This. Why are they going to in-laws at all?

Because the GP want to have them! I thought that was clear from the OP.

You will be away so DH is in charge, as long as he isn't doing anything to put them in danger or leave them very upset then its up to him how he manages it.
You can have an opinion but ultimately its his choice

If they're attentive grandparents and the house is safe then I would let them get on with it tbh!

I wish I could have left mine with ILs but sadly their attitude to safety, I.e., "all kids fall down the stairs, it's fine" and "all kids fall off high climbing frames, it's fine" etc put paid to that!

This seems like a good way to encourage them to sleep through the night on their own, which would be a positive. His parents will be able to contact him, if necessary, and if they are fine with it, there doesn't appear to be a problem.

Grandmother wants to do it, dad’s working ridiculously long days. Let them get on with it.

If I was the in laws I'd rather he didn't stay with him leaving at 5.30. I'd be woken up by him. Have you asked them if they want him to stay?

If your husband and his mum work together, why doesn’t she let him have the time off to have the kids, or is granny already working the 15hr days leading up to it, I’m really curious to know what this slave labour family business is now, coal mining, chain gang, granny and son lumberjacks, he’s the catalogue model for his mums mail order poncho business? They have a big house, so it must make a tidy profit working those hours!

Ok well that sounds decided. I would personally make a goal to be out more when dh can be home and expect him to clean and parent himself, it sounds like some practice might be needed?

I bet the children will sleep just fine without both of you and the grandparents will be happy for him to not be there.

Yeah I'll bet he does. Lazy fucker.

His parents want him to stay.

This might be a great way to break the habit of having the kids coming into your bed!

But I agree with PPs, makes no sense for DH to be there given his working hours. I imagine it's awkward getting up and out for work at that time of the morning when not in your own house.

Because he's working. Out of the house 15 hours a day.

If they were staying with me and my DH there would be no problem with the little one sleeping with me if you were ok with that

That's what we used to do with our DGC

Sorry what, you're away, you're still with your DH and yet when you aren't there they have to stay with someone else?

And your husband isn't even willing to sleep over?

Is he actually their father?

What is going on?

Why can't the in laws babysit at your house until he gets home from work and do the drop offs in the morning. I mean it would be a lot to ask of them but less than having the kids full time on all of the days. And you know, their Dad would be able to....parent. His attitude to the whole plan is extremely selfish.

Just to test the waters I would tell this DH that I have to go on a business trip in say Jan or Feb for a month. What does he want to do?

If he said oh the kids can stay with my parents for the month... I'd be very worried.

Very worried.

Your children's father should have some kind of desire to see and parent his own children.

This is the most sensible advise.

Like I said, when I leave - it's either MIL looks after the kids or DH. She always does it. They work together so it's either or kind of thing.

Last time MIL ferried the children back and forth from our house. This time she's asked to have them at her house.

If he works until 8:30 how can he do bedtime anyways?

Sometimes he gets home a bit earlier.

I think kids staying at GPs is best. If your hubby leaves at 5.30 and doesn't get back till 8.30-9 -

a) That's really early for the children to wake up before he goes to work to see him, or late stay up to see him in the evening. I think they will try to do this if they don't otherwise get to see a parent for a week, and know that staying up, waking early would enable them to see him. That will give GPs a bad day with tired, cranky kids.

b) If you are only 10 mins away, that's really not long for him to come even at night, if GPs rang because a child wouldn't settle or there was a decision to make like whether a child was poorly enough to need medical attention or not.