Silent Treatment

[Kelly1999x]

Hi please only kind messages.
my husband has been ignoring me fully and giving me the silent treatment for 5 days. Totally ignoring me as if I was invisible. 5 days ago we had an argument ive apologised many times. We had to borrow mums car, and it needed petrol so I stopped at the petrol station and asked him to please but petrol in it (i would pay) but he said something like no why should I or something and got angry because I parked af the wrong place so I just drove off without getting petrol and he said “this is a f* joke” so out of reaction I said “your a f** joke” I know I shouldnt have and Its totally out of character for me I just snapped to his comments and un willingness to help. I’ve apologised so many times for my comment and made it clear it was in heat of the moment and that I was totally out of line and horroble. I haveng said anything like that ever before. He still is ignoring me and just says “your a f joke” or “leave me alone” has not said anything else. What should I do? Ive said if he wants to leave he can still doesng reply. Feel so bad I didnt mean what I said! Its been 5 days im going crazy!

It's abusive behaviour OP.
He sounds a nasty piece of work.
Dont beg him to talk to you. Just carry on with your own life as normally as you can.
You say you've told him he can leave if he wants: who owns the home?
I think you should be making plans to seperate from this man who is enjoying trading you like this.

Op, please take the time to re read your message, as many times as it takes to sink in.

you have been apologising time and again for reacting after your dh was an absolute arse, I don’t want to jump to the extreme end of the scale here, but it honestly sounds as though you’re in a mentally abusive relationship. What you’ve described above is gaslighting.
He was rude, aggressive and nasty, you reacted in the way that anyone would, and he’s somehow managed to convince you that you should be hanging your head in shame and deserve to be punished.
From what you’ve described, he is not a good man.

Best advice I can give you? Find your inner strength, stop apologising, recognise your self worth and start acting like you deserve better

He's emotionally manipulating you. He wants to make you feel so awful inside that you don't dare ever question or cross him again. It's outright cruel and he knows it.

Would I be right in assuming this isn't the first time he's done something like this?

Actually crying reading the comments. Have felt so alone since he has been ignoring me cant tell my friends because deep down I know it is wrong. Thank you for replying.

we in my mum’s second home - it’s in her name. We have a 2 year old. Yes not the first time, this is how he reacts to conflict. And shouts dont talk to me ect. Been together for almost 10 years. Hard to know what the best thing to do is. Don’t want to regret leaving him or regret not leaving him.

All of this. Don't ever beg anyone to talk to you. You're worth more than that. And he was being a fucking joke about the petrol so you didn't even say anything wrong imo

He sounds nasty OP. Reckon life would be much nicer without him.

Leave him. You don’t need him and you deserve better!!

You don’t need him for security, you have a roof over yours and your dcs head independently of him.

Tell your mum what has been going on, you need people in your corner that love you.

In the long term, it will be MUCH better for your dc if you are not together. Watching their mum be bullied and treated badly will have a negative impact on their mental health and future relationships

thanks. Just don’t know how I would afford bills by myself 😔 If I had the money to know I would be ok by myself I would feel more in control of this situation.

I'm not sure what you are apologising for - you gave as good as you got.

Ignoring people is so childish. If he won't reply to you, then just send him a message: "You have 24 hours in which to have a proper adult conversation or you are out. The choice is yours."

If he does not respond then start packing his stuff.

To put it bluntly, he is emotionally abusing you .
He's done it before , he will do it again , and deep down, you truly know that .
What does he bring into your life that makes you think you might regret splitting from this cretin?
What if when your child is older, he does the same to them ?
You deserve so much more

you will cope. Trust me. I’ve been there.

I was in a very physically abusive relationship for years, it was my house we lived in and we weren’t married. I too worried about finances, but after the umpteenth time of being put in hospital I finally found my cojones, kicked him out and found a way to survive. No it wasn’t easy, but by then my family knew what had been going on and they rallied round to help me find my feet.

I cannot express enough the importance of having people on your team that love you. With support, you can get through anything

Im so sorry you had to go through that. I have plenty of support♥️ thank you x

You and your child deserve better than this. I wouldn’t give him another chance. He’s had 5 full days to reflect and hasn’t changed his mind yet.

I think deep down there are 3 reasons

1. embarassment of my marriage failing
2. worries about how I will cope financially
3. just if i will regret it all

my mind is just all over the place since he started the ignoring

I would pack up his stuff and invite him to go elsewhere with his silent treatment. Tell your family what has happened and concentrate on living a nice life without his nasty influence.

To make things more complicated he is from another country so If I ended it it would make it hard for my child to see him and there would be no going back.

The only thing you will regret is spending more time around the abusive bastard. Same goes for the child. An abusive man is not a good father.

If you stay, your child will learn that this is the way to resolve any conflict. They are very likely ti get into relationships as an adult where they give silent treatment, or end up with someone who gives them the silent treatment. It's much healthier for them to live in a house with you, than two parents who don't speak for periods of time after every minor disagreement. And what do you think your husband will be like with your child when they are pushing boundaries as a teen and start arguing back etc?

1. There is no embarrassment. Your marriage will not have failed. You will have survived an abusive relationship. You will be a survivor. A success story. You will meet someone else, someone who will make you look back on your marriage with utter disbelief that you allowed someone to make you think so little of yourself. You will also become much stronger once you’ve healed. My lovely DH gets a little scared sometimes at how feisty I can become if he so much as gives me a funny look 🤣 I am worlds apart from the 20something I was 18 years ago.
2. You will work it out. Finances are not a reason to stay unhappy
3. That bit is solely on him. If he decides to be an absent father, then your child will be fine. It’s not you at fault

This is abusive, manipulative and controlling behaviour.

You deserve better than living like this...

Maybe he should have thought of that before behaving like this.

You say you are living in your mum's second home? Do you have to pay her rent? Would she be willing to waive it for a while if you split? Was your marriage unpopular and that's why you don't want to admit failure?

The only unreasonable thing is staying with this abusive twat. The fact that it would cause him problems if you split up, is exactly that, HIS problem.

If you cannot physically break up with him yet, at least start preparing yourself by emotionally distancing yourself from this prick and getting your financial situation sorted out as much as possible.

I suspect that as he is from a different country and this would impact his ability to see his child, it would also impact your ability to make him financially contribute to said child.

This does complicate matters, but there ARE solutions.

He still is ignoring me and just says “your a f joke”

You do realise he's saying the exact thing you said to him - the thing that apparently warranted 5 days of abusive silent treatment? The thing that you've been begging him to forgive you for saying - he's saying back to you? Why is it ok if he says it? If it's sooo wrong that you are apologising so many times, why is he saying it with no consequences?

You need to realise how abusive this is. The hypocrisy from him is astounding and yet you're still apologising.